Monday, July 25, 2011

Always with the Wonder Woman

Yesterday, while doing the research for my Wonder Woman posts, I came upon a few covers that I wanted to include but since I´m trying to keep my posts shorter I decided could be " their own thing ".

Today I wanted to do a few special thing since it´s a special day for me ( well, and for the entire spanish nation but I´m just choosing to ignore the fact ) but as always things didn´t work out like planned.

First off, I woke up almost suffocating and not being able to breathe and when I had finally managed to get air into my lungs I had the worst taste EVER in my mouth. Have you ever read the phrase " the inside of my mouth tasted like somebody had defecated in it " in a book ? Well, it´s better to read about it than to actually experience it, let me tell you that. I´m not sure what happened to wake me up in this way and I´m not sure I would be better off if I did. I mean, is it possible to vomit in your sleep, then trying to swallow all the vomit and suffocating because of that which ends up waking you ? Best not to think about it.

Right now I´ve started to read Neil Gaiman´s novel ANANSI BOYS and all I can say so far is that it´s hard to put the book down. I really have to force myself to take breaks from reading because I have lost all feeling in my legs and have to stretch them or because I have to eat or sleep.

I have already discovered that I have many things in common with Charles Nancy or Fat Charlie, how the main character of the book is called. I also had a pretty embarrassing father although he only behaved like he was a god and people also call me fat - but for entirely different reasons. I also am not too keen of singing in front of people although I can say that I narrowly escaped my turn at having to do Karaoke at my sister´s wedding by a hair's breadth. I´m also standing in the shadow of my brother sometimes although I do have two of them. So sometimes you can pit them against each other and sometimes you have to stop them from killing each other. But I know the experience of your brother suddenly appearing and completely ruining things all to well.

So maybe Neil Gaiman really HAD me in mind when he wrote that dedication.

Okay, all things aside I didn´t want to make a big thing out of my special day so I decided against sharing this information with my brothers who naturally have no idea which day is Today. Which can be a good thing because I can use the fact that they forgot my special day for blackmail or as a bargaining chip for the time I forget something.

Ah yes, if it´s one thing you can rely on than it´s the fact that family teaches you all the finer nuances of blackmailing and extorsion, something you can always use in real life. But apart from my near death experience this morning ( or imagined near death experience ) Today was a quiet day that I spent with sleeping too much, eating pizza, going to the ice cream parlor and watching the Doctor Who episode THE REBEL FLESH.

And preparing all things needed for this post. On my last posts on Wonder Woman I forgot to mention how much I liked the cover that had another member of the Justice League on the cover who is talking directly to the reader. That´s just SO Airwolf !

Covers really were better then. I mean how can you not buy this book ? It´s got word ballons on the cover which is ALWAYS a sign of a good comicbook. It´s got two Wonder Women for the price of one and they´re kicking the snot out of each other. It´s got the freaking Batman on the cover. And he needs my help because all our lives depend on me. How can you top that ?´s not just this family that´s freaked out ! It´s the whole world - - and I am going to tell you why!

We already know why the whole world is freaked out, Flash. Do the words " Flashpoint " and " relaunch " ring any bells ? Talk about a prophetic cover.

Yeah, really Aquaman, what can even two super - heroes do against the awesome might of Mars, god of war ? Especially if one of them is Aquaman.

I don´t want to dis Aquaman but is he really the first choice if you need backup for going up against a god ? I don´t know if I would call on Aquaman if I was going up against Poseidon as he surely wouldn´t be stronger than the god of the seas. And to call him as help against the god of war ? Okay, they are fighting near water. But I think I´d rather call on Superman, Green Lantern or Batman first. On the other side they might have been busy.

And from the look of Mars´face I´m not sure if he really wants to fight Wonder Woman or if he has planned to do other things to her. Okay, she´s pretty small for such a big guy but as the god of war he´s probably not to squeamish about those things. Or maybe he´s just pissed that Raider is now called Twix but he´s still stuck with Ares instead of something way cooler like Mandingo.

Now this is an issue every Wonder Woman fan should read. It explains why no man may set foot on Paradise Island in the aptly named story THE DAY HUGH HEFNER SET FOOT ON PARADISE ISLAND. Which really tells you all there is to tell about it.

Now here´s my idea for the relaunch of the Wonder Woman book : WONDER WOMAN, DINOSAUR DENTIST ! That´s jsut so brilliant !

I´m surprised nobody thought of it before. It´s got Wonder Woman. It´s got dinosaurs. It´s got giant dinosaurs. It´s got giant dinosaurs from Outer Space. It´s got Wonder Woman having to fight giant dinosaurs from Outer Space - with tooth ache - on a rampage through major metropolitan cities. And Wonder Woman could so be a dinosaur dentist because she can talk with animals. And the whole Wonder Woman / dinosaur connection is already a thing.

You see ? It´s already in continuity. You can have Wonder Woman find out that " Oh, all those times a giant dinosaur from Outer Space tried to eat me - in reality they just had a tooth ache and wanted my help. " and it totally makes sense. What a fantastic idea. It´s like printing money.

And speaking about ideas for the relaunch i´m not sure how to handle this one. It´s either WONDER WOMAN - SNAKE HANDLER ! or Salma Hayek´s sexy striptease from FROM DUSK TO DAWN gone wrong in the worst way possible ( indicated by mentioning the involvement of Kobra ).

But it can only improve by adding the Huntress to the mix. Especially if it is an attempt at the aforementioned striptease.

And speaking of handling dangerous animals - what the f - word is going on on this cover ? Is Animal Man trying to choke wonder Woman or is this a native african dance or some kind of strange mating ritual ? And is the guy with the rifle trying to help Wonder Woman or trying to shoot her ? And why do I get the feeling this is going to happen in one of DC´s upcoming isues now that both Wonder Woman and Animal Man are getting new books ? Remember kids : you saw it here first.

I know it´s unbelievable but wonder Woman really had weirder dance partners than Animal Man. That´s right : the devil himself and it looks like the Demon has already reserved the next dance in WONDER WOMAN´S DANCE CHARITY GONE WRONG.

And isn´t it so typical ? Time out devil, I know you´re all lord - of - the - flies - thing and that but no tongue on the first date, please.

I know, this is a more recent cover but I want to ask you ? Does this really invite readers to buy the issue ? Right, it´s the issue following the death of Maxwell Lord at Wonder Woman´s hands ( although that has now been retconned thanks to BLACKEST NIGHT ). But there´s really not much going on here. You could put a different spin on it.

Now THAT´S an issue I would buy. Wonder Woman going medivial on a bunch of chauvinist pigs who think they can imprison her. No manmade cell can hold her, you morons. That´s Wonder Woman. She can crush you all like a normal guy snaps a pencil. Boy are you in trouble. I´ll give you a menace to society. Now it´s on, now it´s ON !

And speaking of the relaunch of Wonder Woman : can we please not do this storyline AGAIN ?

Really, at this point ? I don´t care who Donna Troy or Wonder Girl is. Let´s just say she´s got powers like Wonder Woman and leave it at that.

No " training by the gods " or " lost orphan " or " piece of Wonder Woman´s soul " or " magic twin " or " basically a supervillain just wanted to kill you again and again and again " BS. Okay ? I don´t need that much information. She´s a superhero, she fights crime ( eventually she´s hot ).....what more do you need to know ? I can really do without another half - baked retelling of this story. I know it´s kind of a rule that this story comes along whenever there is a crisis or a zero hour or another retcon. But can we please skip it this time ? It´s like DC is planning to publish a BEST WHO IS DONNA TROY STORIES compilation, really.

Okay, that´s all about Wonder Woman I can think of this time.

Wow, I really have managed to up the post quota this month with 8 posts so far. Who knows, I might even go for a new record. Maybe I can manage to get another post in before the end of the month so I can finally start to give away the issues I got at GRATIS COMIC TAG 2011.

Today´s video is Wonder Woman´s Guide to Office Safety.

New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest

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