Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Movie cult siren Janet Jones ( and stuff )

Today Janet Jones Gretzky celebrates her 51st birthday so I thought it´s time for another of the ever popular MOVIE CULT SIRENS posts. Which is my way to give props to the unsung heroines that transform many otherwise unwatchable b - movies into bearable entertainment.

And it´s also a possibility for me to talk about the POLICE ACADEMY movie franchise and a whole lot of other stuff that comes to mind. Now that I´m almost about to finish the post I am tempted to call it MOVIE CULT SIREN JANET JONES - AND OTHER STUFF LIKE WET T - SHIRTS, PLAYMATES AND POLICE ACADEMY but that´s just too long. Janet is of course best known for appearing in POLICE ACADEMY 5 - ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH in a stunning white swimsuit presenting her best assets and she´s one of the reasons people still watch the movie. Or at least wait for the parts with her in them to be over before zapping to something else.

Nowadays nobody really watches the complete movies anymore because thanks to a seemingly neverending number of sequels Hollywood has managed to completely ruin the franchise. Not only with the movies but also with POLICE ACADEMY - THE ANIMATED SERIES of which I saw an episode or two and which thankfully has been wiped from my memory for which I will forever be thankful.

And I also can´t talk about POLICE ACADEMY without mentioning the comic series by MARVEL that either only lasted for six issues or was a six issue miniseries to begin with.

Since it was a big movie franchise comic ( well, obviously according to somebody´s standard ) it was also published in Germany but as usual the covers were buried under a lot of lettering and other stuff.

I never read an issue and probably have an higher IQ because of that. Coming back to the movie series of POLICE ACADEMY I remember seeing the first one in the movie theater and coming out pretty overwhelmed because at that time it was really a novel concept. And I still think the first part holds up pretty well. Not that it´s the big cinematographic gem but it´s funny and entertaining if you haven´t seen the gags repeated in all the other sequels. It sure lauched a few careers since it brought Steve Guttenberg a big career boost and gave Bubba Smith and Michael Winslow their big break.

Although I have to confess I´m not sure what Michael Winslow is doing right now. I know he did some really bad german movies starring Thomas Gottschalk and written by Thomas Gottschalk ( who else would cast Thomas Gottschalk in a movie who didn´t owe him a favor ? )

but also better stuff like SPACEBALLS and ROBOT CHICKEN. Steve Guttenberg was pretty big in the 80s and 90s but to the current generation he´s probably best known for playing corrupt town mayor Woody Goodman on VERONICA MARS with the lovely Kristen Bell in the lead role of plucky successor to Nancy Drew, Veronica Mars. I guess I just appeared on all search engines because I mentioned Kristen Bell.

Speaking about VERONICA MARS, Charisma Carpenter also has a part on the show who is of course best known for playing Cordelia on BUFFY and later on ANGEL. Which brings us to Enrico Colantoni, who plays ex - sheriff / ex - private eye / new sheriff Keith Mars and he also was on an episode of BONES which is the new series of David Boreananz who plays FBI agent Seely Booth and who also played Angel first on BUFFY and then on ANGEL.

And Kim Catrall - who later on had more SEX AND THE CITY - also appeared in the first POLICE ACADEMY movie. Like I said, it was pretty good but with each sequel the quality has gotten worse and worse and the only good parts were the ones with hot babes like Janet Jones who is the only reason anybody can suffer through these pieces.

The other reason is Leslie Easterbrook who plays megabusty police officer Debbi Callahan Callahan and had her best scene in POLICE ACADEMY 4 - CITIZENS ON PATROL where she was in a pool with a wet t - shirt .

There have been some requests for HQ pics of the scene but these are the best I could find. If you find any in better quality please let me know.

Leslie Easterbrook´s secondbest clip is in POLICE ACADEMY 5 when she´s on the plane and two boys stare at her cleavage thinking her fast asleep. If you pay attention you see how she first yells at them. But then when they try to check her out again you can see her flashing a proud grin and pushing her boobs up a bit ( sorry, I only found the french clip ).

Which shows what a sense of humor Callahan has and that despite everything she´s still proud of her quite distracting breasts .

She probably got that from Leslie Easterbrook, the actress who Callahan and appears on most of the films, who seems like the kind of actress I’d love to have lunch with. She knows exactly what kind of movies she’s in, and plays the part with a vicious commitment unseen in most comedies of this ilk. She’s perfectly o.k. with being objectified and in interviews seems amused and tickled at some of the things she’s had to do. Pragmatic, flirty, professional and practical, Easterbrook is one of the stars of the POLICE ACADEMY series and may well be one of the women who influenced my fixation on confident blondes with big breasts that kick ass like Power Girl.

Power Girl picture from Taguiar´s deviantART gallery

She would have been one hell of a Power Girl, which is kind of a coincidence since originally I wanted to do the TOP TEN OF POWER GIRL COSPLAY post which I now have to leave for another day. I have had several complaints from readers as to " Where´s the Power Girl ? We want more magical cleavage windows....stuff ! " but I promise it´s coming.

Back to Leslie Easterbrook and her role as Callahan ( of course named after Clint Eastwood´s famous character Harry Callahan in the DIRTY HARRY cult movies )

while she DID play the hot blonde she wasn´t the stupid bimbo. And to think that originally they wanted her character to be older and have a beard.

I had an audition and at that point Callahan was described as a 45 year old female Wayne Newton with a moustache. I was younger than 45, was blonde and had no moustache. So I had visions of, “ Well if they like me for this I may have to grow one ! ” And I think that may be the wrong hormone. So I looked at this material and it was very tough, it was a scene that’s not in the movie — very tough, mean, authoritative scene — and I had just finished doing Rhonda on Laverne and Shirley, and now here was this character who could control the world. She could beat up the guys, intimidate them with one look. I knew I had to become tough. I didn’t have the script, just the scene. I didn’t really know if I could play a tough guy. And I went up the stairs and you know, I didn’t dress real sexy, but I put on a tight shirt. And I did this silly scene and everyone stood up at the end of it, going," Oh it’s okay, stop, stop ! ” And I thought, my gosh, maybe that was a little over the top. I left there and thought I really loved playing that character because it was so far outside of my package of ammunition, so to speak, as an actor. I got a call three weeks later saying that they’re considering me for this and I thought, " Well, wonderful! This is really great! I’d love to play it. ” About a week later they sent me the script just to see if I would read it and if they decided to choose me, and I read this script and I literally cracked up, I just thought it was the funniest script I’d ever read. I just wanted to be a part of that. I gotta tell ya, I’ve been happy like that, but I don’t remember having that same feeling of elation, and I was just simply cast for that part from an audition, and the rest is history.

Leslie´s Callahan was kind of empowering for women, she was strong, intelligent, kick - ass tough as nails, independent and secure in her sexuality. Physically she was superior to most men who came across as rather stupid and one - minded most often suffering - or inflicting upon others - heavy injury while being distracted by her curves. Like in the scene where this poor guy almost chokes to death because the beefcake who is supposed to be spotting him is checking her out .

( there have also been requests for the full picture in high resolution )

Callahan was the hunter and all others were the prey. Another movie that´s still sort of known and didn´t fall into obscurity only due to Leslie Easterbrook´s participation in it is PRIVATE RESORT in which Leslie already showed her big talents.

Easterbrook first became famous as Rhonda Lee, the Marilyn - Monroe - like neighbor of Laverne & Shirley. Among the television shows in which Leslie has appeared are FANTASY ISLAND, LOVE BOAT, MURDER SHE WROTE, HANGIN WITH MR COOPER, THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, MATLOCK, HUNTER, and BAYWATCH. Soap opera fans will remember her as Devlin Kowalski from RYAN´S HOPE. She's also been doing voice work for the SUPERMAN and BATMAN animated series.

Easterbrook's vocal talents led to her being chosen to sing the National Anthem at Super Bowl XVII and has landed her starring roles in musicals; she also recorded a song for the soundtrack of POLICE ACADEMY - MISSION TO MOSCOW. As an NRA member and accomplished sports shooter, Leslie has put together a video, REAL BEGINNER´S GUIDE TO THE SHOTGUN SPORTS, and has served on the board of directors of the California Rifle & Pistol Association. Leslie also serves on the board of the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund, and supports a number of children's charities.

In 2005, Leslie replaced Karen Black in Rob Zombie's THE DEVIL´S REJECTS, the sequel to the 2003 horror movie HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES. Leslie's intense portrayal proved her to be an excellent actress and the definitive Mother Firefly as a result she has been dubbed " Unrecognised horror queen. " Leslie was given the part of Mother Firefly after Karen Black demanded a higher salary, but Leslie Easterbrook took the part and made it her own, giving the performance a disturbing edge that Karen Black lacked. In 2007, she played security guard Patty Frost in Rob Zombie's remake of HALLOWEEN and in 2008, she played as Betty in the thriller / horror film HOUSE. And before we close the chapter on Leslie Easterbrook for good there have been some requests for pictures from this scene from POLICE ACADEMY 3 - BACK IN TRAINING :

Now back to playmate Janet Jones Gretzky who was a few times on the cover and inside of PLAYBOY magazine

and yes, she that famous icehockey player´s wife.

As her appearances in the pages of PLAYBOY have proven she´s one hot masssita and since she looks absolutely boobielicious in a swimsuit she takes over Leslie Easterbrook´s part as eye candy - at least partially. In an X - Men movie I would cast Janet as Dazzler.

Or she could play my favorite X - Girl Tabitha Smith a.k.a. Boom Boom ( because of her big Boom Booms ) since they could be twin sisters.

And so you can get idea what that would look like here are some screencaps from POLICE ACADEMY 5 - ASSIGNMENT MIAMI BEACH with Janet Jones in a white swimsuit or just watch the movie. And if you do don´t be surprised to see Rene Auberjonois as the villain who also played Odo on STAR TREK - DEEP SPACE NINE.

Janet Jones, whose film credits include BEASTMASTER, STAYING ALIVE, THE FLAMINGO KID, A CHORUS LINE, AMERICAN ANTHEM and A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN also did a workout video where she also wears a white suit. Hmm, I guess white is her color. Now we all know why men buy workout videos and I made the mistake of buying volume 4 and 5 of the strip fitness tapes with Carmen Elektra only to find out that the first 3 parts are probably the better ones. Of course I only got them for therapeutical reasons for stress relieving purposes but that didn´t work out. Trivia tidbit : like Janet Jones Carmen Electra was on the cover of PLAYBOY and inside ( in fact numerous times ) and like Leslie Easterbrook she had a wet t - shirt scene in the movie MY BOSS´ DAUGHTER.

And she works it. Must be the skills she acquired stripping all those years.

Back to Janet Jones I guess I would have bought her workout tape and I wouldn´t have regretted it from the short clips I could watch on the internet. Janet really shows her best parts and in some instances there is some nipplage visible through the thin fabric. The tape is available through amazon so there still must be some demand for it. Although I´m not sure who can play it since the only way to get something equipped with a VCR is one of these combined machines that have a DVD player and those are going out of style because everything is Blue Ray now.

And speaking about hot BAYWATCH babes who also were PLAYBOY covergirls / centerfolds and workout tapes : Pamela Anderson hasn´t made a workout tape ( her most famous tape is more kind of a home video ) but she was on an episode of MARRIED WITH CHILDREN with Becky Mullen of which I found some pictures while doing the research.


It´s the episode where Al is having these dream sequences with first Becky, then with Pamela and then with both fighting over him but each time it´s about to get interesting Kelly - of course - wakes him up.

I really can´t decide who´s hotter in the episode, Pamela or Becky. I mean Pamela is Pamela, my very first candidate for the SEARCH FOR POWER GIRL series but Becky is nobody you would throw out of bed either. The scene when she takes off the business suit is just extremely sexy. WOW !

Becky appeared in a few erotic movies like SINFUL INTRIGUE, which is extremely difficult to find because there seem to be at least ten movies with this name and you want to get the right one. In the movie she´s a hot babe who gets taken advantage of by her bad boyfriend who makes her do some hardcore stuff which she´s not comfortable with.

Basically he treats her like a prostitute which is not okay. Even if she has the measurements to be the centerfold of a certain publication for men I already mentioned twice in this post you should treat her with respect. But her husband is not even trying, I mean no flowers, no presents, no nice dinner, just " Slut up, wife ! " and then it´s " Wham, bang, not even Thank you, Ma´am ! " What a dork. On top of that he cheats on her with every other woman he comes across like Mai - Ling ( really, like there are no other names for asian women, but that´s Hollywood for you ) played by ultrahot Chona Jason, who gives him a very special massage - one of the best scenes of the movie. There is one decent guy who has the hots for Becky Mullen - her neighbour - but of course she keeps him at a distance and only does it with him out of pity when he´s ill. Just like in real life.

The guy who treats her like a prostitute gets to do her every which way day in and day out the whole year while the nice guy finishes last.

There´s some kind of murder story involved but the important thing is that Becky gets to strut her stuff and wears some kinky outfits. If you have a chance you should watch the movie, it´s quite entertaining and the story doesn´t distract too much from the erotic parts.

Now, all of this might not be interesting but the reason why I´m even mentioning it at all is that besides having parts on almost every tv show from RENEGADE to CYBIL to MADtv to PACIFIC BLUE to HUDSON STREET to HIGH TIDE and appearing in a few Andy Sidaris movies she also played the part of Sally, the Farmer´s Daughter.

Not on Playboy Late Night or in an erotic movie but on the first season of GLOW, Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling one of the few shows with female wrestlers shown on german tv. At that time as a wrestling fan you took what you could get and I´m not sure if the show was really that serious. Although there was this one episode where one of the female wrestlers had an accident and sprained or dislocated her elbow and they kept repeating that footage over and over during the show. Which was really freaking me out. There were some weird characters on the show and I remember having a thing for Palestina who had quite a big rack.

This is the clip with the best quality I could find on YouTube where she goes up against Olympia. Man, I totally forgot that she never wore a bra.

There were other hot wrestlers on the show but the woman that made the biggest impact in wrestling outside of GLOW was Lisa Moretti who played Tina Ferrari. Lisa went on to wrestle for the WWF / WWE as Ivory and hold the WWF Women's Championship three times. Ah, good times.

I think GLOW aired around the time when the legendary CATCH UP show was on RTL presented by Joe Williams and Horst Brack der Bestrafer ( the Punisher, obviously named after the MARVEL character ).

While the wrestling matches ( NWA, CWA and WCW ) were interesting the best parts were the banter between straight man Joe Williams and heel Horst Brack. And of course the highlights of the shows was the interview section BRACK´s PRANGER ( Brack´s pillory ) where Horst Brack either buttered up his guests or trashed them depending on whether he liked them or not. But Horst Brack wasn´t just like most people all talk and even participated in a few wrestling matches. I tried to find the legendary fight against Rene Lassartesse but the only video I could find was this one with a tag team match between Horst Brack & Rolo Brazil vs Rene Lasartesse & Indio Guajaro.

Horst Brack a.k.a. Rochus Hahn a.k.a. Robi is also a prolific comic writer who wrote such german cult comics like MENSCHENBLUT, DR. DIPPERZ ( the german version of Dr. House only this one really IS insane ), HORST, LUNA, ARSINOE or ALRAUNE.

I remember that every time at the INTERNATIONALER COMIC SALON ERLANGEN he was nominated for best writer or best comic with his newest publication from SCHWARZER TURM and most of the times won. One of THE coolest guys in the german comic scene. He also works in tv and movies and he wrote the original script for Sönke Wortmann´s THE MIRACLE OF BERN, and I don´t know if it´s a coincidence but from all people involved in the movie the only guy who never was in any interviews was the guy who wrote the initial script and who is involved with comics. Makes you think.

Another thing I wanted to mention since I have already opened the subject of the DIRTY HARRY movies is that during my research I found out that the translation on the german movie poster for the first movie wasn´t spot on. " Detective Harry Callahan. He doesn´t break murder cases. He smashes them. " was changed into " They called him Dirty Harry because Detective Harry Callahan handled the dirtiest assignments - and he handled them alone. " probably due to the fact that in the german language you say that somebody solves a case, not breaks a case. Which throws the whole breaking / smashing comparison right out of the window.

So the german text is a good solution although it kind of spoilers one of the big things of the movie, namely why the lead character is called Dirty Harry.

Once again, time to wrap things up since I have been writing waay too long on this post already. But as usual here are the shownotes with the websites without making this post would have been pretty difficult :

an overview of the police academy series ( by Whitney Seiboldt )

cartoons that never should have been - police academy

leslie easterbrooks on the afflicted, rob zombie and police academy

leslie easterbrook wiki / leslie easterbrook imdb / janet jones imdb

becky mullen imdb / glow wiki / glow article ( lot of background info )

name the glow girls from season one quiz / catch up fansite

catch up wiki / horst brack facebook / rochus hahn wiki

schwarzer turm homepage / john kenneth muirs review of dirty harry

dirty harry review on actionmoviefreak / dirty harry novels on bear alley

Well, the post was a bit all over the place but the next one will be more straightlined and about comics. Or not. Who knows with this blog. And I also hope nobody´s head exploded from erotic sensory overload by all the pictures of hot babes in this post like Carmen Electra.

Now there are a lot of videos I could put at the end of the post but since I featured DINNER FOR ONE in my last post I´m going to post another version of it, this one called EURO FOR NOONE featuring Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy about the monthly EU summit. Same procedure as last month. I even found a version with english subtitles.

New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best

Here, hold my Annihilus, there´s something I need to do.


Anonymous said...

Mmen, Electra's gif is down, can you reupload it plz?

SUBZERO said...

Sorry, I tried but no luck so far. It seems the original uploader somehow blocked it.