Tuesday, July 01, 2025

True story, swear ta god : Urban Legends 1

We start the month of July with another unscheduled post because while I was going over THE BIG BOOK OF URBAN LEGENDS for the first of what later turned out to be four posts on Steve Mannion I came upon so many interesting urban legends - be it because of the story or of the artwork - that I thought it would be a waste to let them lounge around in some folder and decided to put some of them on the blog as soon as possible.

Now the attentive comicbook afficionado may have noticed that the picture above is NOT from Paradox Press' BIG BOOK OF URBAN LEGENDS but rather Daniel Clowes' cover for his comicbook on the same subject published by Dark Horse Comics. That's because the big books by Paradox Press don't really have very striking cover images to say the very least.

So I hope nobody gets too upset about this and Daniel Clowes surely can use the exposure. As for my comicbook reading history I had naturally heard of the famous comic EIGHTBALL or the story LIKE A VELVET GLOVE CAST IN IRON but I never felt the need to check out his work until I read part of his ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL in an issue of EL VIBORA. The art was not very exciting but his depiction of all the different type of fame seekers and intellectual wannabes who frequent art schools was spot on.

Anyway, I paid a bit more attention to Daniel Clowes' work from then on and I bet you have seen the movie GHOST WORLD with Steve Buscemi, Scarlett Johansson and Thora Birch from 2001 without knowing it was a comic adaptation. Incidentally it looks like ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL is going to be a movie and so far I haven't been able to either watch the movie WILSON with Woody Harrelson nor read the comic it's based on.

Coming back to the topic of urban legends, since there will be a few of these posts because I can easily throw them in between posts as this is something different from my usual posts I am starting out with the most common ones. You know, those " true stories " that have happened to a friend or a friend of a friend or some acquaintance of a friend but never to the person that is telling the story. Some of these are urban legends everybody has heard and some of them have even been used in movies.

So I hope there is something familiar to you in here but also maybe something new. As these are all " done in one " black and white stories this will be a shorter post than usual - since there are no coloured pages to go alongside the black and white art - so let's get to the good part.

One last thing, while I have been exposed to a lot of american stories through comics, books or movies I grew up in Germany and Spain so don't be surprised if some story is in here that is not well known in Amerika while other stories that are part of american pop culture are missing.

mfg ukw rem lmaa

true stuff

true links

true videos

david boring

no brainer

gremlins

Now one movie that doesn't appear on the list of movies based on urban legends is Gremlins because it's not but you might make the case that there certainly must be quite a few urban legends about pesky gremlins.

But it is also the movie where I - and probably a few generations of little boys - first heard the urban legend of the Dad who wants to surprise his family for Christmas by dressing up as Santa Claus only to get stuck when he tries to climb down the chimney. Unable to get out the poor guy dies and on top gets roasted when the famiy fires up the chimney. This story plays a big part in fleshing out Phoebe Cates' character ( which is why it is the first urban legend I included it in this post above all others ) so I think Gremlins should at least get an honourable mention in that list.

phoebe cates earlier

One of the best things - if not THE best thing - in the first two Gremlin movies is without a doubt cult siren Phoebe Cates who was the IT girl and the number 1 wet dream for all males growing up in the 80s and no other female celebrity embodied the spirit of that decade like Phoebe.

Because hot Phoebe is just the total package : not only a breathtakingly stunning beauty with an easy going down to earth persona and one of the best smiles. She is also smoking hot and the nice girl next door as well as the secret oral nymphomaniac that dicktamed the entire football team.


She is as good at playing the nice girl next door we all wish we had as a girlfriend so we can introduce her to our mother in Gremlins as being the most wanted sexbomb on campus that you would make sure to never introduce her to your Dad because he would totally steal her and make her his new personal blow up sex doll in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.


On top of her incredible beauty and a body that was made for porn with its 35C - 23 - 35 measurements she is an exotic mix of russian, chinese and filipino descent so you know that she is a natural born men milking machine who can spread her long legs better than a filipino prostitute.


Just ask her husband, Kevin Kline who played a gay teacher in In & Out but is definitely not gay in real life since he hooked up with an ultimate sex machine like Phoebe Cates. Speaking of gay, the military used Phoebe Cates nude scenes from Paradise as a test to determine if somebody really was gay or only pretended to be gay until a lawyer vetoed the use of that material arguing that the sight of Phoebe Cates nude body would give even the most gay soldiers an instant erection.


Coming back to the lucky S.O.B. Kevin Kline, he married Phoebe Cates in 1989 when she was 25 and he was 41 and he has been banging her for the last 40 years. Man, that's your life goal accomplished right there !


Marry a chinese / fillipino sex goddess who is the wet sex dream of an entire generation when she is just at the right age to be legal but not too experienced and dicktame her for the next 40 years. Although I bet with her almost indestructible, tireless hasian porn body it was Phoebe who did the taming as rumours say their honeymoon - that was supposed to be only a weekend long - turned into a whole week of sweaty asian ejaculation sex matahons because Kevin could not stop banging Phoebe's brain out six ways to Sunday who is a real tornado between the sheets.


Insiders report that at the climax of their squirt orgy she was writhing in convulsions, screaming at the top of her lungs and foaming at the mouth and almost pounded him into a coma with her extreme sex techniques.


Of course Phoebe Cates made a lasting impression on teenaged Subzero when she did the full monty in the aforementioned Paradise, a movie that was trying to cash in on the success of The Blue Lagoon with 80s star Brooke Shields ( about which you can read more in this post ).


If you haven´t seen Paradise you MUST check it out ! Phoebe Cates nude scenes alone are worth the price of admission as it is the only film where she did full on nudity apart from her famous scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High where she comes out of a pool and takes her top off.



In previous posts I included a link or links - plural - to YouTube where you could watch the entire uncensored Paradise movie with Phoebe Cates in all of her glory but it seems all the available versions have been culled so I hope all my faithful followers watched it while it was still possible.

But wait, I have another video which comes from my favourite german retro channel Glotzbuster formerly known as Fetter Loser Im Exil ( I guess that makes me the official fat loser in exile on the internet now ) who takes a look at the movie with all the usual background information.

And the best thing is that we even get a preview picture for this video instead of the usual black screen that tells you that this video has been blocked for viewing on other websites and can only be seen on YouTube.

Nobody remembers this but ultimate sexbomb Brooke Shields also was in a comic movie adaption called Brenda Starr about a plucky girl reporter.

Her male co - star was none other than James Bond Timothy Dalton who starred in two more comicbook movies - Flash Gordon and The Rocketeer and if anybody remembers Brenda Starr at all it's probably because of the scene where Brenda had to escape from a boat and every teenager´s dreamgirl is soaking wet and almost has a wardrobe malfunction. OMG !

brooke shields and sherilyn fenn

comic book masters jack kirbyutbele

true banner

true quote of the day

No comments:

Post a Comment