Monday, August 14, 2017

Happy 51st birthday Halle Berry ( part two )

As promised in the first part of this post here is the continuation of this year´s re -post in honor of MILF cult siren Halle Berry´s 51st birthday.

Since I did write / am writing this in advance this post ( and the first part ) will go back to the draft folder as soon as they are finished but do not fear - they will be on the blog at the time of Halle Berry´s actual birthday.

Halle Berry as Green Lantern ( Soranik Natu )

I haven´t been the first one to cast Helle Berry as the exotic Lantern who has artists draw her cleavage ( and her supple breasts ) bigger and bigger.

I casted Beyonce as Vixen which went against the new JLA comic from that time since Ed Benes obviously based her appearance on Halle Berry.

And knowing what a big fan I am of Halle Berry you might think it obvious that I would do the same. But they do that with a lot of female black characters in comics and I don´t want to cast Halle in five different roles.

Voted the sexiest woman on the planet I just had to add Halle and since there just has to be a Green Lantern on the team I´m killing two breasts with one stone. Although I have to put in her contract that the cleavage has to be - at the very least - open to 2 inches below her belly button.

Or since Hollywood always tweaks the costumes because they think they know better than the artists that originally created the characters we could have this finally working for us and put Halle Berry in a slightly skimpier Green Lantern uniform that lets her show off her breast assets.

That way we could finally forget the CATWOMAN fiasko. Who would have thought that a movie with Halle in such a nympho sex outfit could tank ?

I mean the movie was waaay too tame for Catwoman. The stripper outfit sure helped a bit - less clothing on Halle Berry is always a good thing.

But without any doubt the whole tone was wrong. Even the animated version of Catwoman is more of a horny slut than Halle Berry was.

Halle Berry has one of the best butts in Hollywood without any doubt.

But the producers of the CATWOMAN movie fumbled the ball on this one.

There was a news report - that I consider a fake - that on the set Halle Berry´s Catwoman costume ripped various times due to the physicality of her role, doing backflips and whatnot and her boobs popped out one time.

Now why wasn´t this in the DVD extras ? I´m always highly suspicious if something like this is in the news but there is no boob footage. Because they sure as heck have footage of all the things nobody wants to see. 

I think what CATWOMAN needed was more nude Halle, not necessarily to the extent of MONSTER´S BALL but at least as much as in SWORDFISH.

Going topless didn´t ruin her career even if it wasn´t her best movie. There is also another comic adaption for which Halle would be perfect.

I am talking about Kevin J. Taylor´s The Girl series where I originally had Halle as the main character but I gave that role to Janet " the best body in showbiz " Jackson this year based on her quasi audition for that role in Jermaine Dupri´s mega raunchy music video Gotta Getcha where Janet plays a extremely busty stripper dressed up as a school girl / teacher .

It´s what I call casting at it´s best because Janet Jackson was just born for that role. Not only is she predestined to play a stripper because of her incredibly fit and flexible pornstar hardbody which could have earned her a fortune as a big super star in the adult entertainment industry she has some incredible stripper moves that make real striptease pros envious.

Okay, I don´t know if the script said explicitly " busty stripper " but with her huge melons it´s the only kind of stripper Janet can believably portray.

And because it´s an adult title Janet can even use her stripper moves and live out her sexual urges. Like during her Velvet Rope tour where she tied down male audience members and used them as her personal sex toys.

I just hope we can get some well hung male actors who can give Janet a real challenge where the explicit sex marathon scenes are concerned.

I always knew that Janet was a sex freak ( Janet admitted to joining the Mile High Club and is a well known size queen ) and although the rumors that Bobby Brown banged her in the 80s might not be true it is much more believable that she used Justin Timberlake as her sextoy and dumped him after a month of steamy sex marathons . According to Justin it took Janet an hour to get in my pants after we first hooked up and she was so wild in bed that I didn´t know how to handle it. I was falling in love with Miss Jackson but during our get - togethers she only wanted to have sex.

Some months ago I found a Making Of from that video and I have to say I´m not sure how I feel about the fact that originally Janet was supposed to play a nymphomanic dominatrix but they skipped that because it would hit too close to home according to Janet herself. Say what ? So Janet is a nymphomanic dominatrix in the privacy of her own bedroom ? Daiiiiimn !

I don´t think of myself as sexy but I am a very sexual being, I always have sex on my mind. I feel very comfortable with it and I think it´s great if a guy has a good sized package. I know the effect my body has on guys so I sometimes use it to get especially well hung guys into my bedroom where I tie them to the bed and bang their brains out in a marathon sex orgy. I go completely crazy and make them squirt again and again until they are completely drained. I regret doing it but I´ll turn around and do it again. 

Also since it´s not very realistic to have just one girl in a strip club I could cast Halle Berry again ( as well as include Beyonce and Mariah Carey who´d make great hookers ) who has already shown she has the stripper skills.

Although now that I think of it she may be better suited to play Marty who is not a stripper. Doesn´t she own a record store or something ?

Which would mean that we would not get any striptease scenes with Halle Berry but there would be enough nude / sex scenes to make up for that.

I don´t know how far Halle would go to bring the extremely explicit sex scenes with the orally fixated nymphomaniac Marty to the big screen but she has shown she can push the boundaries and get down to business.

And according to one of her ex - lovers this is her second nature : Halle Berry is a kinky sex freak. She used me as her boy toy. She deepthroated me for hours to give me a giant erection and then  rode relentlessly on my rock hard member in a dentist´s chair with her huge breasts pounding against me until she had multiple orgasms. Sounds like my kind of woman.

In the bedroom I take control because looks are not enough to make a fella stay faithful : you must bang his brains out. You have to be a friend, be independent , be a lady and shy but you need to be a total sex freak in the bed and milk his dick - make him squirt until he´s completely dry.

Since I mentioned Mariah Carey, she would naturally play orally fixated deepthroat specialist Jill since Kevin Taylor himself has casted her in that role and who am I to argue with such a master of erotic comic books ?

Naturally every strip club needs an asian sexbomb and I would cast cosplay queen Yaya Han whose spectacular body was made for these kind of roles.

Which is not some kind of racial stereotype about asian women being genetically engineered to be perfect blow up sex dolls for men through centuries of prostitution, just stating that she gave herself porn implants.

I don´t know how good her abilities as a stripper are but we all know that she has the necessary bust to fill out the role with her giant 40D oppai.

And there just has to be a way how we can get Yaya Han to wear the same outfit as Akira Lane below. Can you imagine Yaya Han´s king sized XXL breasts with the areolas of the nipples being totally visible in that mesh shirt and her naked butt only covered by a tiny string of dental floss ?

I bet sexbomb Yaya Han really knows how to work it - or twerk it !

So in my JLA movie Halle Berry would definitely have to take it all off, having a hot nude scene with Guy Gardner or another Green Lantern Corps member ( no pun intended ) or at least a shower scene with Arisia. Naturally as a director who takes his job seriously I insist on rehearsing all explicit scenes with Halle Berry just to assure the integrity of the movie.

Ah, the sacrifices we make for art. It´s hardcore . . . I mean a hard job.

Or there might be a special interrogation scene involving the Yellow Lanterns from the Sinestro Corps who do a full cavity search on Soranik. Which they already hinted at in the SINIESTRO comic with this nice scene.

What I somehow always brainfart on is that officer Alex Wilde, one of the major sexbombs from one of my favorite comic book series ever Erik Larsen´s SAVAGE DRAGON was clearly modeled after Halle Berry.

I know, she looks rather white on the picture above but she´s of hispanic heritage and supposed to be colored with a much darker skin tone here.

Since the first issue Alex was the one I hoped Dragon would end up with but something always came between them getting together. And when I say " something " I mean of course writer Erik Larsen. First it was that they were both working together, than Dragon was together with the superheroine Rapture, than Alex was with the superhero Dart and they only ended up together when Savage Dragon returned to Chicago from a long absence. He was working with the S.O.S. and Alex was still on the police force so they were not co workers and could finally get down to it.

Anyway, Alex and Savage Dragon were just trying to get over their past relationships ( by having lots of conscientious sex ) so that didn´t last long. Later on it seemed as if Alex and Dragon were finally together.

But as always things were more complicated : the Dragon that was using Alex like his blow up sex doll was an impostor from a parallel universe.

( click here for the full six pages of this back up story from issue 132 and here for the artwork without obstruction by word balloons and captions )

Halle doesn´t have such a big chest size like when she was at the THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE premiere where her blue dress made the news.

But she still looks totally awesome for a woman who has had two kids.

With some of the women in my cast I would need to pick them from a certain time in their career but with Halle that doesn´t matter and you would most definitely see her in my Justice League movie in some role.

Okay, that picture is more than one year old but have you seen her rack - tastic appearance on the Jay Leno show in 2013 ? Man, at 46 she made all them eyes pop with her sexed up see through top. Nice puppies, Halle !


Halle Berry certainly isn’t shy. The buxom movie star managed to attract a lot of attention when she stopped by The Tonight Show With Jay Leno - although she didn’t have to say a word ! Instead, she let her plunging mini dress do ALL the talking, while her exposed chest certainly stole the spotlight - in fact, Jay Leno‘s gaze kept wandering down Halle’s killer porn cleavage and sideboob. The 62 - year - old host looked like he was having a hard time ( and getting harder by the minute ) concentrating and couldn’t help stealing glances at Halle’s ample assets - and who could blame him?

It's no secret that Halle Berry oozes sex appeal. The Bond girl can leave men in a dribbling state of awe simply by flashing her smile -- so you can imagine the effect she had on Jay Leno after showing up in one of the lowest necklines we've ever seen. For her appearance on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" last night, the 46 year old donned a skimpy physics - defying, cleavage - bearing dress by Reem Acra with silver trim and an incredibly low neckline . The sheer mesh bust line was on the low side, but it also featured a slit down the middle all the way to her belly button !

Needless to say, Jay had a tough time focusing on the topic at hand ( I don´t know, but it seems to me that Jay did an admirable job because anybody else would have been staring at her boobs all the time since it looked like her ripe melons could pop out of her top any moment ).

There’s no denying that Halle is in amazing shape and looks better than stars half her age - and she loves to show it off every chance she gets!

The silver trimming along the middle cutout and top of the frock only added to the alluring appeal of the seriously sexy get - up. Black patent pumps and earrings completed the ensemble - although it was definitely her killer cleavage that was the best ( or should I say breast ) accessory!

Halle Berry, appearing as a guest on Monday’s edition of The Tonight Show, had host Jay Leno in a trance in her extremely low - cut strapless dress with generous amounts of cleavage. Jay clearly doesn’t mind Halle’s provocative style, complimenting the star on the plunging Versace gown she wore to the 85th Annual Academy Awards last month, adding, “ I like this dress better .” constantly staring at the Oscar winner´s chest. Her black and silver mini just might be her sexiest " fuck me " dress ever.

I thought about doing another all Halle Berry video section in this part but that would be too one - sided. Plus going through my bookmarks it seems that I have run out Halle Berry videos. So I´m just including the one I had already put in this new version plus two more I found while looking for a good clip of her appearance on The Tonight Show with her cleavage dress.

Speaking of cleavages, since I mentioned Mariah Carey I want to post this interview where she demonstrates that she´s pure stripper material.

I´m not even trying to make a segueway from megastacked strippers to hasian cosplay queen Yaya Han because I´m trying to bring down the perv factor when I´m writing about her. And before you ask, the part with her in this post was written before I made that decision so apologies to Yaya.

Nevertheless since there are never enough posts to put all her clips on the blog ( especially now that I´m down to two posts per month thanks to the course from the jobcenter ) here is another video with Yaya as Medusa.

And all I´m going to say about it is that after watching it I´m not so sure if I should be disappointed that I didn´t meet her in person at the ComicCon Stuttgart since I would´ve found a way to embarrass myself in front of her.

Who is clearly not embarrassed is the world´s greatest newscaster Enki Bracaj, the albanian blow up sex doll with the big double dees. Although I´m not so sure if she still does that as I have not heard any news about her. That´s as elusive as her cup - size which is probably in the triple dee range, another thing she shares with Mariah Carey.  In any case there have been a lot of reader requests for new videos with her and if everything else fails she does have a promising career as a stripper ahead of her.

Our last video is a bit risky but I wanted to close with a longer one. There were a few that I could have posted but in light of the recent weather in Germany I chose Spring Break USA to remind readers what the summer season is supposed to be about : getting hot bikini co - eds drunk enough. The film is famous for being Janine Lindenmueller´s only non porn movie.

New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best

I will not marry again, I´m done with marriage. I just wish all men were like dogs : faithful, easily trained and with a long tail.

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