Sunday, October 25, 2015

Justice League casting alternatives : part 1

Yep, just when you thought it was safe to read the blog again it´s boobs all over again with the final and much dreaded alternatives which will be the final JLA CASTING posts. At least until I come up with something new.

Now it has been four years since I did the casting back on my old boob blog and I have been re - thinking some of my decisions, there were some instances where I had multiple candidates for one role or there were some candidates I didn´t consider or just plain forget. So, to include all the possible candidates - and to leave the way open for a possible CASTING THE AVENGER BABES post in the future - I present the road not chosen.

Darlene Silva as Soranik Natu

Not really a new contestant since I casted this brazilian bikini model as Dawn in the first part of The Subzero Edition but with her huge 34DDs she could easily pull off the Green Lantern sexbomb every fanboy lusts after. 

I´m not sure if I would really go that way since it meant loosing either Janet Jackson ( from the SUBZERO edition ) or Halle Berry ( from the Hollywood edition ) from my casting list but according to the comics where the artists draw her cleavage bigger and bigger thus turning her into the Power Girl of the Green Lantern Corps I would give her a more minimalistic costume that would let her show off her breast assets.

Of course I could always introduce another female Green Lantern to the cast but I think she´s best as Dawn. Another added wrinkle is that I would have to recast that role. But let´s not get ahead of ourselves here, sorry.

Maybe the best option here would be to introduce another female Green Lantern like Katma Tui into the list just to keep another slot open for Halle Berry. She would also look good in a somewhat skimpier outfit. 

In any event Halle Berry would definitely be included in my Justice League of America movie and as the director I would insist on rehearsing all her explicit sex scenes ( which are only in the special script she got on set ) with her in person. For hours. After sending the rest of the crew home. For the weekend. Which begins on Thursday and lasts until Tuesday.

So be it as Green Lantern Soranik Natu or Katma Tui, as Vixen or even as the Catwoman with the best daimn costume ever Halle Berry is a keeper. Speaking about that horrible CATWOMAN atrocity, Halle still owes movie goers around the globe so maybe we can get her to do an encore of her scene in MONSTER´S BALL only without so much furniture in the way.

I mean the least she can do is the PASSWORD : SWORDFISH boob flash.

I guess we´ll have to see what we can accomplish with some sex drugs.

Janet Jackson as Dawn ( later Manitou Dawn )

Our second alternative for Dawn is also more reshuffling as Janet Jackson already got her special solo post as Soranik Natu in the SUBZERO edition

Even though it could be a bit of a stretch for her to be cast as a native american we did get Marlon Brando as a chinese and mexican and at least Janet already has the right wardrobe - and the right moves - for the role.

Also Janet has the right physique and has no qualms about showing it in her dazzling music videos. With me you would never get lonely, Janet.

Even at her current age Janet can drive men crazy as she showed with her space suit which she almost destroyed with her out - of - control boobs.

She definitely knows which dance moves her audience wants to see.

All that said I would probably not recast Janet and go through all the trouble of trying to fix those casting dominoes but if you read my previous post you know that I just have to keep her on the cast.

Christy Hartburg from Russ Meyer´s SUPERVIXENS as Big Barda

Now during all my contemplation for possible candidates I never ventured in the realm of Russ Meyer movies because you could do an entire casting call just from those super stacked super sexbombs ( don´t give me any ideas ) but if I did I would put busty Christy Hartburg in the top echelon. 

From Russ Meyer´s movies I´m especially fond of his later ones because those were the first ones I saw. And maybe because the production values and the caliber of the involved actresses ( no pun intended ) were better.

Christy played a short but memorable part in SuperVixens and I always regretted that her part wasn´t bigger ( again, no pun intended ) and that she didn´t get naked. In most erotic movies I have seen there is always this one super hot actress who is the only one who doesn´t get naked but this was the first time it did happen in a Russ Meyer movie. Which is where you least expect something like this. The film begins with Christy Hartburg ( who is an an incredible one - shot wonder since she only made THIS movie ) with black pig - tailed hair and a bod which giant gazongas threatens to burst from her teeny shirt and impossibly short shorts. 

Christy Hartburg disappeared after her brief appearance in the film and was the poster girl for SuperVixens and funny enough the film poster featuring Christy Hartburg´s huge melons was often censored because Christy´s ample decolletage was obviously too much and had to be covered with a triangle - which had to be replaced several times.

Christy Hartburg was an anonymous Russ Meyer girl until a few years ago when she introduced her own website. The site mysteriously disappeared shortly thereafter, but not before letting fans see that she still looks as statuesque as she did in 1975. Wherever Hartburg is Today, she left an incredible impression with her barely 5 minute role as Super Lorna.

So I just had to include Christy Hartburg in my alternatives because she had a lot of unrealized potential which never came to fruition. With her voluminous body she would have been a great Big Barda. You could believe this woman was personally selected by Darkseid to serve in the breeding pens like her mother Big Breeda ( yes, nomen est omen with Jack Kirby so I would likely be called Big Jerko or Lone Loser in a Jack Kirby comic ).

Raven De La Croix as Wonder Woman ( Diana Prince )

Now if I HAD considered actresses from Russ Meyer movies for my JLA casting I would not have gotten past this obvious choice since UP ! is my favorite Russ Meyer movie. I think it may have been the first Russ Meyer movie I saw at the old Bali movie theater at the station in Ludwigsburg which showed normal movies but also NC 17 movies like First Blood and porn movies. It was either this movie or Faster Pussycat ! Kill ! Kill !

Meyer’s 1976 comedy thriller UP ! was was co - written by Roger Ebert and contains Nazis, lesbianism, rape, buggery, a backwoods sheriff, piranha, kinky sex - and that’s just the first 10 minutes ! The movie offers a lot of very graphic sex scenes which are highly erotic, well photographed and stunningly edited. The female cast members all engage with the outdoor, sunny California countryside, but under a spell of kinetic blankness like sex machines gone wild especially Janet Wood who has one of the best scenes with on - screen partner Robert McLane who was a homosexual in real life. I have read that homosexual actors are often used in straight porn because it´s almost impossible for them to climax during sex with a woman but Janet Wood doesn´t look like a woman who takes no for an answer. So either she is riding him like a woman possessed because she can finally vent all her pent up sexual energy on him or she has worked herself in a frenzy trying to put him on the straight path again. In any case her nymphomaniac urges obviously got the better of Janet because she has never acknowledged her work in this film over the decades.  

Now besides possibly being the first Russ Meyer movie I saw in a cinema another reasons why it´s my favorite - besides the bevy of hot sexbombs like Kitten Natividad or Marianne Marks in the cast - is the lead actress. 

The gorgeous Raven De La Croix with an exotic name and a body which can only be a true gift from the gods, stars as Margo Winchester, one of Meyer’s strongest female characters. Constantly victimized by most men, yet refusing to play the victim, spitting out her lines in a Mae West - type drawl, Delacroix and her bountiful figure totally steal the movie. Totally nude and usually running around outdoors for most of the film, Delacroix is incredibly sexy and funny. She had done lots of modeling by 1976 and appeared in UP! after coming to terms with the fact that she had to perform nude scenes and graphic sex scenes. According to de la Croix, she really went all out for this film, destroying her feet while running through the desert, almost sacrificing her life during the drowning / rape scene, and unknowingly being body doubled during some of the more questionable sex scenes ( I wonder where they found that body double ).

She looks like a real life Wonder Woman and it´s a shame there never was a Bronze Age Wonder Woman movie with Raven in the lead role. The former model for blow up sex dolls practically played the role of the busty amazonian princess in the 1984 Jim Wynorsky skin flick The Lost Empire.

He and Andy Sidaris are the only legitimate heirs of Russ Meyer so it´s no wonder ( no pun intended ) that Raven who had worked with Russ Meyer also worked with Jim. The movie is good entertainment for real men and Raven has some good scenes like the one with a fake snake ( ? ) below which I included because the bad quality of the picture combined with the red light and the steam almost doesn´t show you anything. You still can see that Raven´s boobs are just beyond epic. I envy her screen partner ! 

And with that we are finally at the end of this post which has turned into the first part of the casting alternatives for my JLA movie casting call.

That´s right, once again I kept adding text and pictures and animated GIFs to the post until it became so long that I have to split it into two parts. Click here for the second part in which we find singing sexbombs Mariah Carey and Shakira, stripper pro Elisabeth Berkeley as well as porn stars Sarah Louise Young, Akira Lane and Miko Lee who in my version have a four way with Kiana Tom and Yaya Han. As for this post you can read all you need to know about Jim WYnorsky´s THE LOST EMPIRE on Eric Cotenas´ post on DVD BEAVER and Jim Batts, Dana Jung and Tom Stockman at WE ARE MOVIE GEEKS list the top 10 Russ Meyer movies.

If you want to brush up on your Green Lantern hotties Katherine Meller on SEQUENTIAL TART has a post not only on Soranik Natu but also on Iolande and R´ amey Holl. Since Halle Berry was my choice for this role here are some Halle Berry links : GUYSPEED has the Hottest Halle Berry GIFs Ever and speaking about GIFs you can find a GIF of Halle Berry´s famous cowgirl dance from The Last Boy Scout where she played a stripper in Ashley Burns´ 73 Sport Movies in 73 Days post about that movie. Speaking about strippers Lindsey Weber and Hilary Reid at VULTURE have Five Questions Posed to Everyone Playing A Stripper and Tara Block at POPSUGAR has 25 Iconic Stripper Moments In Pop Culture

Halle Berry is also on Jessie Heyman´s list of The 10 Most Powerful Bond Girls Of All Time on VOGUE and speaking about Bond Girls, THE ROOSEVELTS have 29 Reasons Why Bond Girls Are Better In GIF Form .

I think I already posted this but just in case here´s Chris Gray´s article Last Night : Janet Jackson At RodeoHouston from the HOUSTON PRESS which has some nice photos of Janet in her silver spacesuit and speaking about links I SHOULD have posted here is the BRISTOL BAD FILM CLUB with Who Is Andy Sidaris And What Is The Triple B Film Series ? and Witney Seibold´s post on the L.E.T. H. A. L. Ladies ( part 1 / 2 / 3 ).

I´m not sure if I haven´t posted this but just in case I didn´t here´s Christy´s only movie part. Her boobs could have done so much more.

I know I may have glossed over The Lost Empire too fast but come on - I had to split this post into two parts as it is. I don´t need to make a third part. To ease the pain a bit here is a look at this cinematic masterpiece.

There really were not many clips from this movie on YouTube but I did manage to find one with the german dubbing. Of course they had to change the original title to Three Angels on the Island of Death.

Somebody who would be as well at home at a Russ Meyer movie as a Jim Wynorsky movie with her incredible bust is mexican telenovela star Ninel Conde. Since she only has her birthday once a year I have to find a place where to post her other videos ( like this bikini photoshoot ) until then.

And for those women who aren´t blessed with Russ Meyer sized chests here´s a tutorial how to get that much desired look. Guys can watch too. 

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I´d rather play cards if I can´t have a lady with big boobs.

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