Thursday, December 08, 2016

Hollering at cult siren Teri Hatcher re - post

Since there has been a lack of Superman related content on the blog ever since I discontinued my series about John Byrne´s revamp on Superman after CRISIS I just had to re- post not - so - desperate MILF housewife Teri Hatcher´s cult siren entry to pay homage to her 52nd anniversary Today.

Now you may ask what Teri Hatcher has to do with Superman and the revamped Superman in particular as to Today´s audience she´s probably best know for the parts on the James Bond flick TOMORROW NEVER DIES, Susan Mayer / Delfino on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES or her appearances on TWO AND A HALF MEN and SEINFELD as Seinfeld´s girlfriend with the real ( and spectacular ) breasts, a role which she reprised a few years later.

But people from my generation first became aware of Teri Hatcher on LOIS & CLARK - THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN based on the new version of the Superman comic books where Lois Lane was one of the characters who profited the most from the fallout of CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS. 

In the old comics Lois Lane was more of a story telling device always either trying to prove that Superman was Clark Kent or getting him to marry her. And most often than not she tried both at the same time.

She and Lana Lang also got super powers every other day and in most cases Lois was handling them terribly. Because they were women ....

Or she was so good with them that she was a much better hero than Superman which lead to a huge inferior complex. In one case it was so harsh on Kal - El that she left earth forever so he could be a hero again.

Anyway, when I read the first SHOWCASE PRESENTS SUPERMAN FAMILY I noticed why it was cheaper than the other volumes. There are only very few issues of SUPERMAN´S GIRLFRIEND LOIS LANE in it which are way more fun to read than the Jimmy Olsen stories. It´s always the same : Jimmy gets in some kind of jam and in the end Superman has to bail him out. The Lois Lane stories are way more fun especially those drawn by Kurt Schaffenberger. He has a very cartoonesque style and the more inventive stories look much rather like spoofs from an issue of MAD magazine than stories from the actual continuity of the DC universe.

Lois has all kinds of adventures and while she always returns to the status quo ( which makes most of the stories where she marries Superman or some famous guy a dream, a hoax or an imaginary story ) Lois Lane gets around from ancient Egypt to Sherwood Forrest and the outer reaches of the solar system. But while the things that happen in the stories stretch the imagination the goals of Lois are always the same : get married, have kids, be a good housewife, she never escapes the traditional role models.

John Byrne´s Lois Lane on the other hand is a very emancipated woman, she´s very successful in her job and in fact she is the top dog at the Daily Planet until the arrival of Clark Kent. She also doesn´t immediately fall heads over heels for Superman although she tries to find out more.

This version of Lois was pretty much the blueprint for her character on LOIS & CLARK - THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN : the tough ace reporter, just as ready to use her fists to get info as her curvaceous body. I mean, Lois´ hotness is established right from the start in the pilot episode when she tries to get an exclusive interview from Lex Luthor.

Teri Hatcher was the first actress who for me made it understandable what Superman saw in a lowly mortal. If you ask anybody who Superman should be with everybody says JLA hotties like Big Barda,Wonder Woman, Starfire or Zatanna. That's just natural. These godlike beings can only be with another ..... like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They can't be with normal people because they would just burn up. It's like staring into the sun. But when Lois looks like Teri it's understandable that Clark likes her. 

I think the only comic that REALLY managed to explain why somebody like Superman would choose somebody like Lois Lane is not even an actual DC comic book but LOVE AND CAPES by Thomas F. Zahler over at IDW.

Anyway, another thing the tv series explained is why Lois never found out who " Smallville " really was. I mean for that she would have to look at Clark Kent and how could she if someone like Superman was around ?

Most people say : " In the real world Lois would immediately see that Clark is Superman. " You know what ? In the real world Lois would be like : " Clark who ? Oh, you mean Smallville ? Hmm, can't remember what he looks like. But of course he's not Superman. Don't be ridiculous. "

She always called Clark " Smallville " to remind him of his small town roots ( I always found it strange how some people consider them above other people because they come from a bigger city and therefore are more sophisticated but I guess this is something that is ingrained in american culture ) and the reason why she never suspected that he was really Superman was that she never paid much attention to Clark Kent.

Well, aside from the episode where they all got hit by pheromones.

Teri Hatcher really got great legs, fantastic legs, in fact they dominate the scene in such a way that you totally overlook Teri´s other ASSets. Daimn !

Now I said in previous posts that Teri´s breast performance on the show is in that very episode PHEROMONE, MY LOVELY ( season 1, episode 10 ) and it´s hard to beat Teri dolled up as a busty drugged out harem sex slave.

But I think Teri managed to top that with flying colors - what a segueway - in FLY HARD ( season 1, episode 19 ) which is their version of DIE HARD.

Which at that point every tv show was doing. Now while Teri Hatcher is wearing a really revealing dress the episode in itself is one of the best episodes where the actors can use the quiet moments and the confined space to flesh out their characters a bit more ( no pun intended ). It´s an episode where the writers used one of the flaws of Superman most people forget : he can´t act as Superman all the time if he wants to keep his secret identity of Clark Kent. He has to act like a normal human being and even has to save Lex Luthor´s life with heat vision in this episode.

Combined with Cat Grant, played by the bodacious Tracy Scoggins, who acts as the comic relief in this episode, this is an episode you will have to watch at least twice to fully appreciate Lois´ dress that shows much of Teri Hatcher´s stunning physique at just about the right camera angle.

Teri is still racktastic, what she did show on the hit tv show DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, especially in the episode with the famous " I´m not a stripper ! " scene where she crashes a party and is mistaken for that.

Naturally that was the first season I bought and although I got all the ones afterwards I still haven´t gotten the first ones. I always found it strange that Teri didn´t go to another hit tv show right after LOIS AND CLARK since she clearly showed that she has the ability to head a show. Well, Hollywood is strange in that regard but luckily Teri landed on the Wisteria Lane where she made history again. At first I was planning on watching the show only for the parts with her but the good writing, the fascinating characters and not the least the murder mystery story ( the series builds up quite a body count with all the people who kick the bucket ) soon had me hooked. I have to confess that I haven´t watched the last two seasons so there are still a few good scenes with Teri Hatcher to look forward to.

Talking about things on my " to do " list, Teri Hatcher also was involved with another comic related movie, namely the animated version of Neil Gaiman´s CORALINE where she did the voice of the other mother.

Well, it IS comic related since Neil Gaiman started writing comics like SANDMAN and the book was later adapted as a comic by P. Craig Russell.

Which is obviously not the part on my " to do " list since I already have the CORALINE trifecta ( the book, the comic and the movie ) and I read and watched it all. But Neil Gaiman wrote another book called THE GRAVEYARD BOOK which only recently came out as a comic by P. Craig Russell and others like Kevin Nolan, Tony Harris, Scott Hampton and Jill Thompson.

Okay, maybe not just recently but it was published in two volumes and I have had it in my amazon shopping cart for months without buying it.

Which says nothing about the quality of the graphic novel but more about my financial situation because my shopping cart is full with comics I would love to buy. But because my budget is seriously limited I have to wait until they end up in the bargain books section. Which most of them end up in sooner or later. Anyway, last week I was in Ludwigsburg for some last minute Christmas shopping at the Aigner book shop because the FANTASY STRONGHOLD has taken up shop in the lower level. Strangely enough I didn´t find anything interesting there so I went back up to the regular book store section where I found several interesting books and comics.

It´s really strange that even now when they have a honest to god comic book shop downstairs the really interesting comics - at least for me - are in the book store´s comic section. So because I didn´t have enough money on me I had to go to a cash machine and come back to the shop. I bought a cartoon book as a Christmas gift and also the german version of the comic adaption of THE GRAVEYARD BOOK. Usually I don´t go for the german translations but this was a hardcover and it includes both volumes which is better to read and looks nicer on the shelf than two paperbacks. 

Now I have read the book but so far I haven´t had the time to read the comic. What I really like is that, as far as I saw from flipping through the comic, while they have eight different artists they have managed to give it a consistent look. Normally you can clearly see where one artist starts and another takes over. Here I had to look at the chapter headings. 

The Neil Gaiman comic that is still in my shopping cart is THE SANDMAN : OVERTURE DELUXE EDITION, again, not because I don´t think it´s good but because right now I have to be careful with spending money and I think the work is worth springing the extra bucks for the deluxe edition.

Since we are on the subject of comics of the creepier variety Teri Hatcher also starred in The Thing from the Grave on TALES FROM THE CRYPT. Last year I wanted to add the original comic on which the episode was based but only managed to dig up the original text story Out of the Grave on which the comic was based. They had all the other comics to the episodes and sadly I didn´t save them back then because now I can´t find the link. 

Now longtime readers know that I never give up and I managed to find The Thing From The Grave by Al Feldstein from Tales From The Crypt 22 on THE CRYPTIC CORRIDOR which also has a lot of other EC Comics stories ( click on the EC Comics label since they are too many to link individually, especially since not all of them contain the information of who drew them and in which of the various EC Comics they were first published ).

Of course I didn´t find the story right away so like last year here are some links to the other EC Comics stories I found during my research for the post - if all the ones you can find at THE CRYPTIC CORRIDOR are not enough - beginning with Smeghead2068 at SAVED FROM THE PAPER DRIVE who has another story from Tales From The Crypt 22, Blood Type V by Graham Ingels. Our host Ghastly McNasty at BACK FROM THE DEPTHS serves up six helpings of The Theater Of Terror with Last Respects also by Graham Ingels from Tales From The Crypt 3, Political Pull againby Graham Ingels from Tales From The Crypt 26, The Bath by Bernie Krigstein from Tales From The Crypt 42, Zombie by Johnny Craig from The Crypt Of Terror 19, Hook, Line and Stinker one last time by Graham Ingels from The Vault Of Horror 26 and as a special treat Foul Play by Jack Davis from The Haunt Of Fear 19, one of the stories responsible for the formation of the Comics Code. Last but not least BAVA TUESDAY takes a look at Last Laugh by Will Elder from Volume 4 of Dark Horse´s Tales From The Crypt Archive.

After so much gloom and doom I want to end the post on a lighter note so here is an animated GIF of Teri Hatcher´s erotic dance on TANGO & CASH.

Now you might ask why this scene is not included in my Top Ten Movie Striptease list but I don´t think it qualifies as a striptease because she only takes her top of. Admittedly, Halle Berry also doesn´t get topless in LAST BOY SCOUT but at least she had pasties on. Her breasts were not completely naked but it qualifies as it´s the next best thing ( at least until sexbomb Halle flashed her perfect boobs in PASSWORD : SWORDFISH and blew all of our minds with her explicit sex scene in MONSTER´S BALL ).

If Teri would have done the same as Halle Berry in LAST BOY SCOUT she might be part of the list but as it is I will not include her for the moment.

That said Teri was in prime physical condition when she shot this as you can see clearly by the fact that her bra tries to contain her rotund twin torpedoes in vain which are slipping out of it in every possible direction.

So this was my celebrity birthday re - post for Teri Hatcher which turned out much longer and work intensive than I had planned - as usual - and I can only add : Happy birthday Teri Hatcher and many happy returns !

One reason why I like doing these re - posts is that I can put a few more videos on the blog so as I did not do this when I first posted this here are some of the other celebrity birthdays of the day starting with Nicki Minaj a.k.a. Nicki The Harujuku Barbie a.k.a. Nice Nipples Nick a.k.a. Minaj - A - Trois who turns 34. Since I don´t watch music television on a regular basis anymore it took me a while to discover her through her appearances on various award shows and talk shows. The rapping bisexual sexbomb from indian, african and jamaican descent that looks like Robert Crumb´s wet dream became famous for her mindblowing 40F - 26 - 46 measurements which she presents in most provocative outfits and risque music videos.

Like I said, I´m not that knowledgeable about her and I may not be the biggest expert on what is art but I know what I like. In any case you can Watch Nicki Minaj´s Anaconda Workout in 14 Booty - ful Gifs at Mtv Com and I´ll leave it to SPEED ON THE BEAT to explain Why Nicki Minaj is Actually Good for Music. While looking for a good video of Nicki I found a few which are probably not to post so instead of The Ultimate Nicki Minaj Fap Challenge here is her appearance on Chatty Man - although watching that can also become a challenge. At least without doing you know what.

Daimn, Nicki has gone on record that she demands to climax every time she has sex but with her massive mammaries and oral skills I doubt any guy would have a problem with that. And I´m not talking about her rapping !

Dominic Monaghan celebrates his 40th birthday who is of course best known as Meriadoc Brandybuck or Merry in short from The Lord Of The Rings trilogy. He also played Charlie Pace on Lost and I totally forgot that he also played Simon Campos on Flash Forward. I also have to mention german actor Martin Semmelrogge who turns 61 and is best known for his role in Roland Emmerich´s Das Boot. The reason for that is that we talked about Neil Gaiman and he was on a booksigning tour together with Martin Semmelrogge in 2003 and you can find a sampling of Neil Gaiman´s Martin Semmelrogge poems on Neil Gaiman´s blog . My brain really is like a giant sieve because I was going over Kim Basinger´s imdb file to see if there were any other comic related roles she had done besides Cool World - which I admittedly still haven´t seen in it´s entirety - that I could mention in connection with her 63rd birthday. Okay, what´s wrong with me ? She was Vicki Vale in the very first Batman movie with Michael Keaton, duh.

God, after the latest DC flicks I get really nostalgic about those movies and if you feel the same here is a fan made trailer for Batman V Superman starring Michael Keaton, Christopher Reeve and a surprise guest star.

The first candidate in our Dearly Departed section is David Carradine who more comic connections than when he talked about Superman in Kill Bill.

Which I found to be partially wrong. I mean, when you look at Superman from a superficial story driven view he is right but when you talk about the post - Crisis Superman from the John Byrne comics or Lois & Clark - The New Adventures Of Superman Clark is the real person and Superman is the disguise. Okay, you are probably wondering what those other comic related roles are. Well, David naturally became famous as Shaolin Kwai Chang Caine on the 70s cult show Kung Fu but he also appeared on other small screen series like Gunsmoke, Ironside, Amazing Stories, Matlock, The Ray Bradbury Theater, Doctor Quinn - Medicine Woman with Jane Seymour, Profiler, Acapulco H.E.A.T. with Alison Armitage, Medium with real live Power Girl Patricia Arquette, Alias with Elektra Jennifer Garner, Charmed with Alyssa Milano ( who celebrates her birthday on the 19th this month and about whom I already did two posts, the main post and the bonus round with her best episodes on Charmed ), Danny Phantom and the first Human Target series with Rick Springfield. On the big screen his movies include The Long Riders, Lone Wolf McQuade, Bird On A Wire, Martial Law with Cynthia Rothrock as well as the midnight classics Evil Toons with french sexbomb Monique Gabrielle and Animal Instincts with soft sex icon Shannon Whirry. He also reunited with actor Jan - Michael Vincent on that movie with whom he had shot an episode of Airwolf .

Finally he played tycoon Nerio Winch in the Largo Winch tv series from 2001 which is based on the french comic series. I have only seen the movies from 2008 and later so I don´t know if the tv series is worth checking out. Now I´m saving the Cynthia Rothrock videos for a separate post since the GIFs I made for that would put an end to this post and I also don´t want to add a video with Shannon Whirry, Alyssa Milano or any of the hot women I mentioned above because there really is no debate.

Our last birthday shoutout goes to cartoonist E. C. Segar, the creator of Popeye, the sailor man - who started out as a supporting character.

Originally I wanted to add a specific episode - Popeye´s version of Jack and the Beanstalk - but I couldn´t find it and any Bluto episode is okay.

I also couldn´t end this post without a video of the lovely Teri Hatcher. The quality of the clip is not very good but Teri looks positively divine.

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I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger Today.

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