To boldyl go where no man has come before

We are staying within the realm of pop music with our first candidate from February the second as colombian rumpshaker Shakira celebrated her 42nd birthday who became world famous for her boner inducing fertility dance.

So far I haven´t done a proper cult siren post on Shakira which might be for the best of everyone involved since I had to cut her part in my Casting The Justice League movie alternates post - where I cast her as Supergirl - several times because it got out of hand and became waaaay too sexual.

Scholars of aztec legends and mythology believe that Shakira was named after the ancient goddess of fertility and virility Shakeyoassrightherya whose name could be roughly translated with " goddess of the rotating hips that gives men huge erections and makes them last long time ".

It is said that Shakira, being a direct descendant of the ancient aztec sex priestesses still knowns the forbidden lore of the secret dances of lust.

The hot girl next door grew up on a farm and you know Shakira is good at milking - only instead of cows she milked all the local teenagers dry. She also was the erection guarantee who got the stallions ready to mount the breed mare with her superior oral skills when the sex drugs didn´t work.

In case the sex drugs worked too good - or the breeding session had to be rescheduled for whatever reason - she also had to use her special skills to help the worked up stallions release the accumulated sperm. Which had the unwanted effect that some of the stallions became more interested in the foreplay and after sessions with Shakira than anything else. A few times some disgruntled co - worker whose sexual advances Shakira had declined sabotaged the whole thing and later gave the stallion a sex drug overdose so he would mercilessly drill Shakira for hours, wearing her out.

And when the battered and exhausted colombian concubine would drag herself to her private quarters with the last ounces of her strength she would find the pervert already waiting for her. In this state she had to endure his sexual assault helplessly and what he didn´t match in size in regards to the stallion who had stretched out all her holes he made up for in fervor and enthusiasm. After one too many all night squirt rodeo Shakira left the ranch and the world of horse breeding to pursue a music career.

It´s time for another round of the ever so popular Six Degrees Of Erotic Separations as Brent Spiner celebrated his 70th birthday. He is of course famous for his appearances on Star Trek : The Next Generaton as Lt. Cmdr. Data whose programming was irrevocably altered by Security Chief Tasha Yar´s rampant sex drive. Tasha Yar was a closet nymphomanic sexbomb due to being sexually assaulted on her home planet by rape gangs on a daily basis since her teenage body busted out. Which might explain why in the original draft she developed an unhealthy sexual desire for Wesley Crusher.

But that´s not the only female cast member Brent Spiner worked with on Star Trek : The Next Generation who put the f - word in science fucktion.

There also was ship´s counselor Deanna Troy who was the consolation officer in the first version, an orgasmic tantra priestess from the planet Betasex skilled in all techniques to be used by the crew as stress relief.

Because of their telepathic abilities the women from Betasex were ideal prostitutes and they also had a very high pain threshold and were very resilient so their clients could go for it. Which happened very often when they were working at some mining outpost frequented by sexstarved aliens with dozens of huge reproductive organs or big slimy tentacles.

Her role was changed a to pass american censors but they still put Marina Sirtis in a snug uniform with a very generous cleavage so that some of her best parts were scenes in which she was just taking slow deep breaths.  

What is strange is the fact that for someone who is just supposed to give people advice she wore a pretty sexed up outfit that would totally defeat the purpose of counseling. All her male customers would be thinking about ripping her uniform off and banging her brains out and knowing it would be really uncomfortable. I guess the reason why they only made her kind of telephatic was that if she knew what the male crew members were thinking she couldn´t walk ten feet in the Enterprise and would never visit the bar. Speaking about the bar, if her role was to give people sage advice why did Guinan do basically the same ? So while still unverified the idea of Deanna Troi not only as the ship´s cleavage but also the ship´s adult entertainment system does have its merit. On the other side we know that the holo deck was used for the same thing. It´s so confusing.

Besides Data Brent Spiner also played Data´s creator, the genius Dr. Noonien Soong as well as his ancestor Dr. Arik Soong on Star Trek : Enterprise with cult siren Jolene Blalock as vulcan babe T´Pol, the sex massage addict with the inbuilt Pon Farr automatic nympho mode.

Under an agreement with the Vulcan High Command and Earths Starfleet T´Pol was placed aboard the NX - 01 Enterprise as Science and Executive Officer, serving under Captain Jonathan Archer. However the hot alien would eventually be brainwashed into " serving under " Commander Charles ' Dubya ' Tucker the Third, while under the effects of Trellium D.

A Trellium - drugged out, semi emotional vulcan love slave with great curves and a killer rack - what's not to like about that ? Her exotic sex appeal transformed Commander Tucker into Commander Fucker who had mul - t´pol orgasms thanks to the ancient forbidden vulcan sexmassages.

I know that T´Pol claimed it was something else but we all know what vulcan " body relaxation massage " really stands for. T´Pol was just needy for Tucker´s earth meatpole because while Phlox gave her the idea to practice the vulcan massage it was T´Pol who went all " Kama Sutra on acid " on Tucker. And she was so turned on by their all night long midnight olympics sex marathon sessions that she had to use the old " it´s just for scientific reasons " schtick to relentlessly bang Tucker into submission.

Coming back to Brent Spiner, he was however never in an episode of Star Trek : Voyager with the inflatable DD Borg playmate with the big melons and a skin tight bodysuit sexborg Seven of Nine played by busty Jeri Ryan.

She celebrates her 49th birthday on the 28th of this month. There were thousand of Star Trek fans who wanted to be ass - imilated or better tit - milated by bodacious Borg sex drone Jeri Ryan and have Sex with Nine.

Jeri´s breasts were so huge that they made her skintight suit darker and darker so you couldn´t see them as good but to no avail. Seven of Nine is THE cyborg sex machine every sci fi fanboy wants to have multiple borg - gasms with ( she´s a literal sex machine who is not only built like a porn star with Jeri Ryan´s hardbody, as a cyborg she has a lot of stamina and endurance and she also can take a lot of punishment so you don´t have to be gentle and you will get a lot of mileage out of this cyber sex amazon ).

Jeri tried her best to make us forget the shortcomings of the writing but couldn´t compensate for a plethora of always darker bodysuits that tried to hide her porn star physique and the always annoying Kate Mulgrew.

But coming back to Brent Spiner, as I have mentioned before he gave his acting debut as Bob Wheeler on Night Court with 80s Power Girl Markie Post and since I already posted that clip and there are almost no good clips from Night Court available on YouTube I wanted to post an episode of the other successful show with Markie Post The Fall Guy where Lee Majors played the lead role of stuntman Colt Seavers ( more about him later ).

Today would also have been the 72nd birthday of Farrah Fawcett who is best known as the quintessential Charlie´s Angel although she left the show after the first season. She also starred in the first Cannonball Run movie and was - drum roll - married to Lee Majors from 1973 to 1982. So I really can´t avoid talking about The Fall Guy and tv beach hardbody Markie Post who provided two of the breast . . . best reasons to watch the show.

But The Fall Guy didn´t just have 80s Power Girl Markie Post they also put blonde bombshell Heather Thomas in the show right from the beginning.

She played stunt body double ( and what a body it was ) Jody and her job was to keep the male viewers hooked by providing eye candy. She was in all episodes except for an episode in the first season. Yes, fan service is not as new as some people might want you to think and Heather Thomas mainly got the part because of her absolutely amazing bikini figure. OMG !

It took a few episodes before she could strut her stuff but once the tv guys got a taste of Heather it happened more often and the famous blue bikini scene was quickly added to the new intro of the second season.



For generations of adolescent young boys the only highlight of the week was the short moment when Heather appeared in her famous blue bikini. Like most growing teenagers I watched that show religiously but the biggest part of its appeal for me were sexbombs like Heather Thomas and Markie Post who didn´t appear as often in a bikini as I would have liked.

Well, Heather Thomas did since that was her main purpose on the show but Markie Post´s appearances in bikinis on The Fall Guy were very few .

Markie Post played bail bonds contractor Terri Michaels ( who replaced previous bail bonds contractor Samantha Jack played by Jo Ann Pflug ) beginning with Season 2 and at the beginning she played a minor role.

One of the producers must have realized what a waste it is to have somebody like Markie on the cast without letting her " show off what her Mama gave her " like they say Today and the rest is 80s tv history. Markie Post got more involved in the stories where she stole the scene from Heather Thomas as soon as she donned a bikini ( mainly in Season 3 ).

 
80s Power Girl Markie Post is probably the best known cult siren on the blog because not only have I done many re - posts of her original post .

I also keep mentioning her in other posts and her original post is in the Top Ten Posts widget that appears on every post. Since I have done so many different versions it is not so tragic that I did not do a re - post last year even though I did the last version of her cult siren entry in 2016 .

Before I watched the honest trailer for Star Trek : The Next Generation I never realized how often Data - casually or intentionally - mentions he´s an android. Which makes him even more human than I thought because he´s just like one of those vegan or gay people who constantly have to annoy their environment with how enlightened they are. This constant need for diversity, representation and instant outside validation is sick.



Coming back to more pleasant things here is a clip from one of the best episodes with Marina Sirtis that gives you an inkling of how her function and wardrobe would have looked like in the original version for the series. 



I could have spent hours going through the videos from The Voice to find a fitting one with Shakira. But I decided not to go through all the trouble even if the song from Die Fantastischen Vier only has a matching title.



Speaking of which, since I already posted all the videos I found about Star Trek comics I went with Love & Rockets even if there is more love than rockets in this underground comic. And this way I get to make up for not mentioning Gilbert Hernandez´ 62nd birthday on the first of February.



There are also not that many animated Star Trek videos out there so I went with a classic show that has at least a name that is in part similar.

And I´m not getting more specific than that because then it is easier for me to replace the video when it gets deleted once again from YouTube.



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Vulcans don´t have honeymoons but human sexuality is one of the many aspects of your species which I´ve been meaning to explore since I left the high command. It is my understanding that your mating ritual is effective in releasing tension. My name is T´Pol, now please disrobe.

My first Free Comic Book Day !

Because I have to undergo surgery Tomorrow and will most likely be out of comission for a week I thought it´s time for my post on my first FREE COMIC BOOK DAY ( I will write this in small letters from now on because that´s easier if you type with one finger ) that I have already postponed twice.


The free comic book day has been around a few years but so far I never really participated because my old comic shop never really had any interest in it. Sometimes I would find an issue or two but mostly I saw the issues at comic fairs.

Well, this time I asked at my new comic shop how they handled the thing. They have the policy that you can order as much different free comics as you want ( only one copy of each ) but they can´t guarantee you will get them all. The first five comic are free every additional comic costs 50 cent ( that´s EURO cent ). At first I wanted to order them all but then I managed to thin it down a bit.

In the end I ordered 15 of which I got 11. Not a bad quota. I went to the comic shop to pick them up because I planned to read them after surgery but since that turned out to be later than I thought I have already read most of them. I´m going to split this up into two posts since I still haven´t read them all and I don´t want to write about comics I haven´t read. But it´s really high time to do this post since free comic book day is over for a few days now.


First of all I have to say that it´s just three kinds of cool to go home with 11 comics for two bucks. That kind of reminded me of my beginnings as a comic reader when comics in general were 50 Pfenning or 1 Deutschmark.

After reading the comics I have to say that not all of them are successful as a free giveaway comic which main purpose is to promote the material inside. I know one of the reasons is to promote comics and how much fun comics are in general. To get kids to read. But it should also take the reader by the hand and introduce him to the particular part of comic pop culture within it´s pages. And not all of the comics I got mange that. So I´m doing a small rundown of the comics I got and how I would rate them.

MERCY SPARX


This is one comic I ordered but didn´t get. The only reason I´m mentioning it at all is that my brother had an issue of the series in his last comic order. So I´m not too sorry that I didn´t get this. The idea of a bounty hunter / lost soul / antihero who has to bring in soul / angels / devils / demons who have escaped hell / are on earth without permission to get revenge / redemption / his soul back ( choose your plot ) is not really original. Especially now that REPO is on tv which has kind of a similar plot. And the art is not really that good to make it all worthwhile.

I will probably read the following issues ( if my brother gets them ) but so far it sounds like the standard manga story and is not on my radar.

IMPACT UNIVERSITY


This is not really a free comic but more of a catalogue. Which is the reason I ordered it in the first place. I had never heard of Impact University and this book gives you a good sample of the art tutorials they offer. As somebody who dabbles in art myself ( when I´m not suffering from an injured shoulder or carpal tunnel syndrome ) I´m always looking for good how - to books which are usually hard to find. With this comic you can see what they offer, what you need and what you don´t. And it also includes the webadress which nowadays is a must.

So this is rather informative than entertaining but I got what I wanted so that´s okay.

ARCHIE PRESENTS THE MIGTHY ARCHIE ART PLAYERS


Okay, I ordered this one out of pure nostalgia. A while back I wrote something about the MV Comix I used to read when I was a kid which included ARCHIE. Which in turn made me realize that I haven´t read a single Archie comic since then. Somehow I was always much more focused on Batman or Green Lantern which is why I never know who is Betty and who is Veronica. And why Archie has such a hard time choosing - just throw a coin man. They´re both hot. And when in doubt go with the girl who has money. That never hurts.

Anyway, this comics includes four stories and while the art was not done by classic Archie artist Dan DeCarlo ( for his hotter work check out his pin up books from FANTAGRAPHICS )


it still has the Archie house style - although I heard somewhere that they are publishing some books where they try to avoid that look. All in all I now know why I don´t read Archie comics. I don´t know if the stories only work at a certain age or the play of words are just not funny to me but I found it kind of boring. If you are already a fan you will probably like this comic but if not then I doubt that this comic will convince you.

I´m not sure how this would rate on the basis of promoting the franchise but let´s face it - if you don´t know Archie comics you´re living in another galaxy. On the other hand you have to remind some comic readers that there are still Archie comics published.

BONGO COMICS FREE FOR ALL


Another comic where I´m unsure how good it promotes the franchise - or in this case - the publisher is the Bongo Comics Free for all. Even I have some comics of the Simpson or mostly of Radioactive Man. Aside from the occasionally Futurama comic that does a rip off of a superhero story most of the Simpson comics I have are in spanish.

The thing about " holiday comics ", the comics you buy when you´re on holiday, is that sometimes availability is the most important parameter. So when the only comics that are available in Torredembarra are some superhero comics you already have and some Simpson comics you don´t know you go with the Simpson comics. Most of the german Simpson comics I got are from the dollar bin since they have a large readership in Germany - ten times as many as in the states. You can practically find them at every newsstand, train station or supermarket here.

Now this comic includes two Simpson stories, one Futurama story and one superhero story. Like the Archie comic nothing really spectacular that draws new readers to the titles.

DC KIDS MEGA SAMPLER


Now this comic really is one of the better free comics of this year. With material from BATMAN THE BOLD AND THE BRAVE, TINY TITANS, SUPER FRIENDS and BILLY BATSON AND THE POWER OF SHAZAM it gives you a hint of what the books are like while at the same time makes you want to come back for more.

Now I would have preferred to get some story pages of Super Friends but I guess they wanted to show diversity. In the Shazam story I found it really annoying that most of it was written in the " secrect monster society of evil code " which you have to decode. That was something that annoyed me in the Jeff Smith story and I really hate it when they use kryptonian or interlac in comics without translating it.

I mean for decades it was okay to use all the " translated from russian ", " translated from klingon " or " translated from skrull " without ever bothering to come up with a language to decode. And now it´s all like school or stuff. Sorry, but that takes me out of the story which a good comic writer should avoid.

Aside from that it´s a good sampler and while I won´t buy any issues of the Brave and Bold the Tiny Titans part is just gold.

LOVE AND ROCKETS NEW STORIES


If you are a Love and Rockets fan you just have to get this free comic book day comic. Although if you really are you probably already know that the new stories are out and you don´t need it.

Another one of the better free comics of this year it shows samples of different stories appearing in the new stories which for me is also the crux of it. Ever since I started reading Love and Rockets I have always been ambivalent about it. While I really love the parts by Jaime Hernandez I´m not too thrilled by the stories of his brother Gilbert. Jaime´s stories are always fun to read with a light and classic looking line.

Gilbert´s comics just are mostly so filled with human drama that I´m exhausted after 20 pages and at the end I feel like some giant dog has been chewing on me and spat me out. So since the Palomar trilogy I´m trying to avoid Gilbert´s stuff which means I will be waiting for the trade on this one to see if I can get the Jaime stuff in a seperate collection.

Still, some beautiful stuff especially the Penny Century story that let´s Jaime flex his superhero muscles.

FIST OF JUSTICE


Speaking of superheroes Fist of Justice doesn´t reinvent the wheel but the main reason why I ordered it is that it´s published by Digital Webbing. Now Digital Webbing is the comic book creative community where people like INVINCIBLE´s Uncle Wya started. Back in the days when I had a functioning computer I was pretty active there writing lots of posts on the message boards and interacting with the community.

Ever since they announced their print comic DIGITAL WEBBING PRESENTS I have been meaning to get an issue but somehow that never worked out. So when I saw this I just had to order it. Like I said this comic is not revolutionising superhero comics but it tells a solid story that is a good introduction to the world of Fist of Justice. You can find all the necessary information in the story without lots of expositionary dialogue. Althpugh I have noticed that all mangas like YUGI - OH or NARUTO use it very heavily. So I´m not entirely sure how out of date it really is.

Fist of Justice offers a nice package with a full story and I´m definitely going to look for more issues. In fact I think there´s an issue in the newest PREVIEWS.

LOVE AND CAPES 10


My favorite free comic book day comic is the tenth issue of the book Love and Capes. While it may sound risky to take an entire issue of an ongoing series for free comic book day in this case it really works out. I ordered this on a whim without any big expectations and I was totally blown away.

The idea of combining romance with superhero with ordinary life is not really new but in this case it all meshes together so well it´s astounding. The characters seem familiar right away and the art evokes a classic feeling that makes it timeless. The story in this issue has Abby - fiancee of Deco City´s defender The Crusader - getting superpowers through magical means to better understand that part of her significant other´s life.

While it has some in - jokes ( like ALL of the superheroine costumes in the computer look slutty ) and some really funny stuff ( like Abby asking why bank robbers throw their guns when they run out of bullets ) there´s a really touching story beneath it about what it really means to be a superhero and the price you have to pay. A bittersweet superhero love story that everybody should read.

I know I totally recommend it and I have to see where I can get more of it.


So this is the end of the first part of my first free comic book day but I can already say that it was really fantastic and I can´t wait till next year. I got some comics that were okay, some that were good and some that surprised me and will go directly on my pull list. I´m not quite happy that I have to end this now but I still have to prepare stuff for the hospital. If you want to find out more about FREE COMIC BOOK DAY and this year´s free comics here are some links :

all you need to know about free comic book day

the beginnings of free comic book day

all free comics of 2009 with pdf previews

postmodernbarney´s free comic book day reviews

comics worth reading´s free comic book day picks

weekly crisis reviews with spoilers

some short reviews from mania

fist of justice preview

love and capes homepage

interview with jaime hernandez

dan decarlo pin up art

Well, I hope you had a fun free comic book day and I will hopefully be back with my usual ramblings in one week.

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