Beware the ides of March

Today´s ( and in fact the next few days ) post is going to be another post where I cram various topics into one post like I have done in the past. And I guess I´m still doing so I´m not sure why I deemed this intro necessary. So let´s get on with it.


MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, EH, I MEAN SCHISM

So, Today I bought another german comic, X - MEN SONDERHEFT SCHISMA : GETRENNTE WEGE which is not ( as the cover suggests ) the brilliant X - MEN SCHISM miniseries but rather the german edition of X - MEN PRELUDE TO SCHISM. I can pretty much understand why they went with the cover by Alan Davis since I myself wouldn´t slap any of the original covers of the prelude miniseries on a comic I wanted to sell.

The german comic has 100 pages for 6.95 EUROS which is a good price but unless you are a really dedicated hardcore fan of the X - Men or the ultimate completist you really don´t need this comic. According to Marvel this is The prelude to the X - Men Event of 2011 ! What does it mean to be a leader ? What does it do to a person ? What do the choices you make mean about the person you are ? This is a story that delves into these issues and will give an X-Men reader what they need to know about their favorite mutants - before everything changes !

Sadly the comic doesn´t deliver on any of those counts. The story doesn´t have anything to do with SCHISM and rather feels like one of those " shelved " issues Marvel used to have ( and probably still has ) for the event an issue was delayed. Then there were finished comics in a drawer that had nothing to do with current continuity and could be inserted anytime. Like those shelved comics the PRELUDE TO SCHISM doesn´t have anything to do with it and really is only a waste of time.


If you are one of those guys who likes the parts in an action movie best where people are just standing around and talking a lot then this is a comic for you. Because that´s what you get here. A lot of standing around, a lot of talking and a lot of recap of ancient X - Men history. During the whole story some undisclosed threat is approaching but it never is specified which threat that is and it´s not like there is something coming in SCHISM that you could foretell or forsee from this miniseries.

The whole premise of the story doesn´t make any sense like Paul Jenkins wrote it without knowing what is going to happen in the big event it´s leading up to. The recapping of X - Me history is rather sketchy and arbitrary and not very well done. Another thing that bothers me is that in almost every story involving Magneto they come up with a different name for him. His name is Erik Lensherr, dammit. Can´t writers do their homework ?

Now this could be saved by good art but like the writing it´s subpar, mediocre at best. Even though it´s cheaper than the US trade your money is better spent by getting the hardcover from amazon which is now sold for the same price as the trade 14.95 EUROS. And you have Carlos Pacheco, Frank Cho, Alan Davis, Daniel Acuna and Adam Kubert on one of the best x - events of the past years. Highest recommendation.


THE CATWOMAN´S MEOW

In my last post I mentioned DC sexing up Catwoman ( yes, in the all butt edition ) and I wanted to illustrate the point a little further. Of course at this point everybody knows about Catwoman´s on - panel sex acts with Batman in the first issue of the New 52 series in which she didn´t wear much clothes either. DC seems to be bent on playing her character in that way for the time being which you can see on one side by her depiction on some of the covers that really needs no further explanations.


And for everyone who wants more than just some nice pictures there´s the Bishoujo Catwoman figure that really empahsizes her most prominent features.


You can find an in - depth ( no pun intended ) analysis of the figure on this post . Now don´t get me wrong, I´m all for superheroines strutting their stuff but I´m getting some weird vibrations from DC´s mixed signals to fans. One hand is teasing me with pin up Catwoman, the other hand is covering up my Power Girl from head to toe. It´s either totally scizophrenic or DC is trying to cover all the bases while feeling the desperate need to do things different.

I´m not reading the new CATWOMAN book so it´s only speculation but maybe they want to go back to her past as a prostitute which wouldn´t be the first time they go back to it as chronicled by Comicbook Resources Abandoned and Forsaken entry on it . It´s really an interesting read and you can find many other fascinating storylines that were nixxed like Magneto being Xorn, the death of Aunt May or Prometheus going from majorly brilliant and unbeatable supervillain mastermind to pushover milksop and back again in their archive .

A HORSE IS A HORSE, OF COURSE, OF COURSE, AND NOBODY MAKES OUT WITH A HORSE, OF COURSE, UNLESS THIS HORSE ...

Speaking about weird stories and archives, I already mentioned in one of my posts that I was kind of hoping that now as DC seems so desperate that it restarts all titles with a new number 1 and is rehashing old storylines ( not to speak of old 90´s Image Comics art ) they would also return to the whacky stories of the Golden Age. As an example I cited one article of the I LOVE YA BUT YOU´RE STRANGE series about Golden Age Superman´s inaproppiate sexual fixation on his cousin Supergirl.


Well, Supergirl was of course not exempt of some inaproppiate stories with weird sexual implications like ANOTHER STORY WHERE SHE DISGUISES HER SO SUPERMAN CAN PLANT A WET ONE ON HER , HER AND WONDER WOMAN GIVING UP BEING SUPERHEROINES BECAUSE IT WAS TOO MANLY and THAT TIME SUPERGIRL MADE OUT WITH HER HORSE . So I guess DC can only blame themselves for all the jokes about Supergirl and her horse. By the way, the horse ALSO MADE OUT WITH LOIS LANE in another story. You can find the full extend of depraved and weird comicbook stories of Yesterday ( and maybe Tomorrow ) in their archive .

THEY SAY THIS CAT LUKE CAGE IS A BAD MOTHER...

Today I went over the latest solicitations for Marvel and DC ( yes, I know I´m way behind with it ) when I came across this DEFENDERS cover.


And looking at it I had the idea that Pam Grier would have been a cool choice for Misty Knight in an HEROES FOR HIRE movie. She played the tough cop / private eye in COFFY and cult classic FOXY BROWN and she could deliver the action sequences. As a bonus she´s really hot and she has taken off her clothes a few times in her movies.


Of course that would mean that you would cast Richard Roundtree, Mr. Shaft himself for Luke Cage. I mean is there anyone cooler than Shaft ? I don´t know how much getting rid of the stache would affect his performance ( maybe we could keep the stache since they made Kingpin black in the Daredevil movie ) but I can just see him as the hero from the hood who ends up behind bars, unjustly convicted for a crime he didn´t commit. Now that I think of it HERO FROM THE HOOD does have a certain ring to it. I think I better copyright that before somebody else turns it into a comic or movie.


So the next question who is going to play Iron Fist. Keeping with the time period and the talent available I would like to say Bruce Lee but since Daniel Rand is not really asian looking Bruce Lee would have to play Shang Chi ( in a guest appearance of course ).


As Iron Fist we could either take David Carradine who took over Bruce Lee´s part in the original KUNG FU series or one of Bruce Lee´s pupils, the young Chuck Norris.


Then we also need somebody to play Daniel´s father for which Steve McQueen would be great. He could be the overarching father figure and he would only appear in the first part of the movie and then die a tragic death. So you wouldn´t have to pay him that much money and actors just love to play a great death scene. Dying in a movie is one sure way to get an Oscar.


As for Coleen Wing I would probably go for Raquel Welch. Not really original you might say ( especially coming from me ) but she looks good, is athletic enough to do the action parts and I don´t see somebody like Sophia Loren or Doris Day playing the part of swordwielding dragonlady.


You know, for the life of me I can´t understand why, with all the comic movies Marvel is doing they haven´t done a HEROES FOR HIRE, IRON FIST or THE DEADLY HANDS OF SHANG - CHI MASTER OF KUNG FU movie.

They are doing all these expensive movies where you need tons of special effects instead of doing a martial arts movie that would be much easier to do. And don´t tell me martial arts wouldn´t rock in 3D. We´re talking about IN YOUR FACE KUNG FU, dude ! On the other side, now that Disney has made Marvel their bitch they wouldn´t do a decent fight movie anyway. The end product would be something like " The greatest fighter is the one who can defeat himself ! " B.S. or worse.

Still, if it was up to me just take IP MAN´s Donnie Yen as Shang Chi, GREEN HORNET´s Jay Chou as The Cat, Beyonce as Misty Knight ( definitely with the afro ), TEKKEN´s Christine Monteiro Kelly Overton as Coleen Wing, Michael J White as Luke Cage, SMALLVILLE´s Green Arrow Justin Hartley as Daniel Rand, Russel Crowe as Papa Rand, Tony Yah as Steel Serpent, Ken Watanabe as Lei Kung the Thunderer and Mark Dacascos as Yü Ti and make the damn movie.

You know, apart from Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee you could even take my cast from above and make a HEROES FOR HIRE movie that takes part 20 years later. Of course this is only a mental exercise. So, if it was up to you, who would you cast ?

SO YOU SAY IT´S NOT SUPERHEROES IF IT´S EUROPEAN ?

I was just catching up on my reading of the excellent blog COMICBITS ONLINE when I found this interesting article on The Improbability of the British Super Hero .


Now, european superhero comics are something that interests me very much and not only because I published one of the few german superheo comics to this very day.

If this doesn´t interest you you might better skip this whole part. I never understood the idea that " only american creators can do superhero comics " that is propagised not only by american people but also by people in Europe, most often when asked why they don´t make superhero comics. There is this idea that superheroes MUST always be skyscrapers and always be in America. That european creators can´t do good superheroes.

Well, this is the greatest piece of s - word on a stick I have ever heard. What about the british invasion ? Not to bring the big guns but maybe you´ve heard about this little comic called WATCHMEN that´s only ..... well, possibly the best superhero comic there is. And it was done by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Who surprisingly are not american. I mean where would the comic industry be Today without the works of Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Warren Ellis, ( to some extent Garth Ennis ) or the art of Brian Bolland, Alan Davis, Brian Hitch, without such works like WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MAN OF TOMORROW, FOR THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING, THE KILLING JOKE, V FOR VENDETTA, ANIMAL MAN, SWAMP THING, PREACHER ?


And that´s just those british guys. As a paisano form Spain I´m always happy to see some spanish artists dab in the superhero pool and I even got the book with all the spanish artists working on superheroes. Carlos Pacheco, Jesus Merino, Salvador Larocca, Ramon Bachs, I could be name dropping like crazy. But you get my point.

American comics have always had european creators or creators who don´t come from America and even when you get to the Who´s Who list there are a lot of gys from abroad on it : Jose Luis Garcia Lopez, George Perez, Mike Deodato Jr, hell, we even got people like Jordi Bernet or Jose Ladronn doing superheroes. Heck, John Byrne and Dale Keown are from Canada, Canada I say !


So where do people get the idea that superheroes can only be done by american creators ?

I don´t know. When we began the long odyssey that future generations would come to know as POWER FREAKS we heard the same thing over and over again. It´s impossible to do german superhero comics. Now it´s more like : It´s impossible to do more than one issue of a german superhero comic. And I´m sure if our number two had ever come out it would now be it´s impossible to do more than two issues of a german superhero comic. But the thing remains that most everybody we encountered thought it was impossible to do a german superhero comic and take the comic seriously. Not make a gag comic or a parody or a funny superhero comic.

And the thing is most people couldn´t really explain why they thought it was impossible. Most people just accepted it as fact and never bothered to try if it really was impossible. Well, now that POWER FREAKS didn´t go as planned people took that as proof that it was impossible from the start but they also can´t deny that the impossible happened. We published a german superhero comic that was a serious comic and the universe stopped. The laws of physics were negated and for that point in time we had bested fate. Which are the moments an artist lives for.

Okay, end of my longwinded rant but you see I don´t give much credit to this urban comic legend that superhero comics can only be made by american creators / people / comic companies. For years I´ve been a huge fan of Paul Grist´s JACK STAFF ( who also worked on an issue of CAPTAIN AMERICA, and that as a british artist ) and I especially love JACK STAFF because it´s NOT an american comic.


I love it for the british setting but also for the rich history of british comics that are part of this universe with Paul´s own versions of MYTEK, ROBOT ARCHIE, EYE OF KELLY, STEEL CLAW or SPIDER. Those were british comics but they also appeared in the german KOBRA magazine so I guess the nationality of the product was not that specific if german readers could also enjoy it. So what´s my point ? Don´t let people tell you what´s possible and what isn´t. Especially when it comes to superheroes there are a lot of things that are taken as facts but which have no real evidence to back it up. And if you want to do superhero comics, no matter if you´re from England, Spain, Australia, India, Afrika or the planet Krypton just do it.

By the way, one thing that I´m still hoping for in JACK STAFF is one of my dream crossovers : SPIDER vs SPIDER - MAN. Paul Grist already has a SPIDER - like character in the books so it´s not impossible to do his version of the wallcrawler and let those two butt webheads. Although it would be a bit confusing in the german version since The Spider was called Spiderman ( without the hyphen, that´s why the distinction is so important ) in Germany.


SEEMS IT ALWAYS RAINS IN NORTHERN PORTLAND

Here´s something else from COMICBITS ONLINE, this time it´s a clip about the local comic scene of Portland which seems to be a fertile ground for independent comic companies like Dark Horse or Top Shelf or small press comics in general. Maybe a nice town to visit, it´s got good public transportation but don´t forget to bring your umbrella.



And speaking about the comic industry, this sums it up really nice ( also found on COMICBITS ONLINE thus making it a perfect hattrick ).


Last but not least, here´s a funny strip and I can´t remember where I found it :


As one of the few blogs that travels in time - since I´m probably writing this after most people have read this post - I can´t end the post without a Doctor Who related clip ( I´ve currently made my way to the second season ) so here´s the Tardis taking off for the first time. Next time we´ll be going over some comic news that have piled up in the meantime.



New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest

Ach du lieber ! Meine german comic reads

For my readers it´s been four days since my last post, for me I just finished it Today. Since it says in the blog header that this blog is about the translated version of american comics I thought it´s about time that I did a post on the stuff I´m reading in german.


And with this I don´t mean german comics by german creators since I cover most of that in my posts from Erlangen or the Stuttgarter Comicbörse. Here I want to write about american comics in the translated german version that I´m reading besides my regular pull list.

Which is mostly stuff I read on the bus or on the train and that I buy at the newsstands instead of the comicshop and that´s on my desk right now. First up is SIMPSONS SPECIAL PRÄSENTIERT : SIMPSONS SUPER SPEKTAKEL 5, 68 pages for 3,30 EUROS.


When BONGO COMICS first started publishing Simpson comics I was pretty excited since almost everybody I know is a fan of the series. I got all the number ones but after a while I kind of lost interest. I still bought the first four issues of every series and still have them somewhere. I bought the odd issue here or there, like when I was on vacation in Spain and I already had all the other american comics but I don´t really follow it anymore.

The only issues I still buy are the BART SIMPSON´S TREEHOUSE OF TERROR issues and anything that has new stuff with Radioactive Man, one of Matt Groening´s most brilliant creations. This issue offers 3 Radioactive Man stories, 1 Bartman tale, another story with The Legion of Superpets and one story of Senor Ding Dong. As with most Radioactive Man stories they are just full of little Easter Eggs for comic readers and spoof every comic cliche there is. What I really appreciate about the german version ( of this and the following FUTURAMA issues ) are the cheat sheets that explain the little nuggets hidden in the story. Since most german readers are not as familiar as somebody like me with american pop culture a lot of the inside jokes have to be explained. But I must confess there are some things even I don´t know or forget so it´s always interesting to read that part. The Simpsons are still pretty popular here in Germany and the comics sell ten times what they sell in America.


Now I don´t know what the sales numbers for FUTURAMA are but I know that although it only comes out every three months they still have a cover price of 2 EUROS 90 which is pretty low. There are very few comics in Germany that can afford the luxury to be published in the single issues format so they can´t sell too bad. Most comics that are translated from other languages to german have at least two regular issues per number and I think german comic publishers are the inventors of the back up story. This goes probably back to the old MV Comix and even before.

Lately I have gotten quite a few issues of FUTURAMA since I also like the tv show. Here in Germany it´s currently shown on the music channel VIVA which shows all kinds of tv and anime shows like CASE CLOSED, NARUTO or ONE PIECE. Now that Mtv has gone off the air here ( you only get it over satellite or digitally ) VIVA has inherited all its shows like I USED TO HAVE A BRAIN or DATE MY MILF and they play even less music videos. I just whish they would show BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD again, those two are cool. And like I said, they show cartoon shows like FAMILY GUY or FUTURAMA. It seems despite the fact that FUTURAMA never did get the big following it got im America it still is shown on at least two tv stations.

Normally I only buy the issues that are related to superhero comics I know but issue 42 had such a cool Jack Kirby inspired cover that I just had to get it. As usual there are the articles in the back explaining the finer points of the issue, but as somebody who hasn´t seen all the episodes ( and doesn´t remember the ones I saw too well ) it is really appreciated. Especially where the history of the characters is involved. And you can´t beat evil robots, especially evil, murdering robot Santas. Hmm, now that I think of it, does Bender qualify as evil robot ? That would explain Futurama´s success.


Okay, I admit that I only bought issue 45 for two reasons. Number 1 : Amy appears in a superhero costume, even if it´s only a dream. But almost the whole comic takes place in people´s dreams. So it´s semi - real. Number 2 : one of the characters in the story looks like Neil Gaiman´s Dream from the Endless. And I´m always a sucker for SANDMAN tie - ins even the most vague ones.

Speaking of Neil Gaiman and Matt Groening cartoon shows it seems Neil Gaiman appeared in an episode of THE SIMPSONS . I guess some day they will show it on german tv but with my luck I will probably miss it.


As for issue 46 of FUTURAMA I have no idea why I bought that since I´m not much into racing stuff. And the FAST AND FURIOUS jokes ( fast means almost in german ) were old when the second part of the franchise came out. Another hint that I may not be the intended audience is that I had to read the database articles in the back to find out which videogames were mentioned in the comic. I guess except for RIDGE RACER ( imagine intro yelling Ridge Race here ) or SUPER HANG ON I never played many racing games. While I could appreciate the graphics of games like Grand Theft I always crashed the car too soon or ended up going in the wrong direction with these kind of games. Which is why I was always more into fighting games like STREET FIGHTER or TEKKEN.

Which reminds me that one of these days I have to get the TEKKEN movie ( probably from Spain where I can get an uncut version ) for the home cinema since it´s not half bad. There are some good fight scenes in it, the actors really bring the game characters alive ( especially the Williams twin sisters, massita ) but the main reason for buying the movie is Kelly Overton who plays Christine Monteiro.


I just like her fashion sense and her butt cleavage is one of the highlights of the movie. In fact it carries a big part of the film.

One brilliant piece of casting in Tekken was Christie Monteiro ( Kelly Overton ). She is the only reason for a heterosexual male to see this film since extraordinarily superior martial artists films like Fearless and Ip Man exist. Every outfit she wears – except for the first one – shows her ass crack and it’s obvious she isn’t wearing any underwear.

Not since Rebecca Romijn’s Mystique has the separation in the Gluteus Maximus muscle been on display in an adaptation so salaciously and audaciously. The costume designers on Tekken had no shame . . . bless them. There is one scene where Jin Kazama ( Jon Foo ) is staring down Monteiro´s crack at her ass. Monteiro is aware of it, comments, and then the viewer is shown just what captured his attention so fastidiously.

There is even an article deicated to Kelly Overton´s gluteus maximus on TEKKEN .

click here for the fullsize version of Kelly Overton´s butt cleavage

And her dancing moves are not half bad either. I´d love to see what she can do with a wet t - shirt and a pole.



Speaking about movies I have to admit I have seen at least four of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS movies and the last one was pretty good. Even if the trailer gives away most of the plot. I think there´s an even longer version that goes five minutes. Here´s the trailer that has a spanglish intro ( and goodbye ) by Big V himslef.



One of the things related to THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS I never understood was thw whole TOKYO DRIFT thing. They sent a delinquent to Tokyo like what´s up with that ? Couldn´t they find a city with a higher crime rate ? Or were they hoping he wouldn´t survive it ?

Okay, back to issue 46 of FUTURAMA, even if I´m not part of the intended target audience I have to admit I did enjoy the comic. The only downside is that now that I have finally started reading the series regularly I have to wait until April for the next issue to come out.


Dang, the same thing happened with the DEAD ZONE tv show. Every time I had started to watch the show regularly and had finally memorized when it´s on they took it off the air.

Okay, next on the list is X- MEN and the german versions are the only x - related comic I read on a regular basis. I had given up on the whole X - Men related stuff because it had become too confusing. The first x - book I read in a long time was Chris Claremont´s X - MEN FOREVER and though I really was x - cited to read the X - Men I knew the series was canceled and I switched to the trades. If I had sticked to the single issues I would have probably only bought the issues by Tom Grummet and they are very few. I still have to get the last two trades of the second season but right now they are too expensive at amazon or other comicshops.

Lately I had thought about getting back to the X - Men universe proper since I have read X - MEN SCHISM which I really enjoyed despite my initial negative reaction to the premise. After Carlos Pacheco´s superb Point One issue and his also great part in the SCHISM storyline I was really stoked about the new UNCANNY X - MEN series that he was to draw. But after he only did the full art on the first issue and did less and less pages in the subsequent two issues I think the book will not make it´s way to my pull list. Issue 10 is in the new PREVIEWS and it seems after issues done by Brandon Peterson and Greg Land Carlos Pacheco will be back but I guess it depends on if he does the full issue if I buy it or not.

So the first german X - Men issue on my desk is issue 131, 124 pages for 5.95 EUROS that includes a big poster and contains the complete QUARANTINE storyline.


Five issues for 5.95 is not a bad deal even if I already bought the final issue in the original version because it also had the first issue of AVENGERS ACADEMY ( another series like X - MEN FOREVER, THUNDERBOLTS and SECRET WARRIORS where I still have to catch up at least two trades ).

I have to say I really prefer the issues that have one story instead of the normal issues that have different stories from four or five different series. They are like a trade that´s stapled but in the past there had only been one other that collected a stroyline and that was a four part story with art by Terry Dodson. That was really cool.

When I started reading the german X - Men again ( man, I guess I´m really the only one in Germany who would prefer a german title for the comic like GRUPPE X or X - MENSCHEN ) it was right after the Messiah Complex storyline which was probably the best moment. Not that Messiah Complex was a bad story which I don´t know since I never read it. But the best moments to start reading series are normally after a big event has taken place. New Status Quo, new alliances, new teams, new members and so on. Meaning that you can come and just enjoy reading since it´s a clean slate for old readers as well.

I could get reacquainted with the X - Men even if the issues were always a bit of a jumble tumble patchwork offering a lot of cheap filler stuff.

But lately PANINI is publishing more complete storylines which was a blessing for me since I could skip issue 132 which contained the SPIDER - MAN AND THE X - MEN story and was entirely drawn by Chris Bachalo.


Since I have already gone over the reasons why I don´t like his art anymore in detail a few times so I won´t bore you with it again. Let it suffice to say that I was a huge fan of him during his GENERATION X run and that it changed with STEAMPUNK.

I did however buy the next issue of the german X - Men which contained the complete BREAKING POINT saga. Which brings us to one of the shortcoming of the german versions, namely the translation. I have already mentioned ad nausea how bad the translation is in some cases but I never tire to point out if it could have been done better.

And sorry if this sounds bitter but is BRUCHSTELLE really the best you can come up with ? Because believe it or not, a title also has to sell the comic. And in my opinon BREAKING POINT is not the same as BREAKPOINT or BREAKAGE. Okay, it has similar meaning but I think the term BREAKING POINT is a bit stronger and is to be taken more literally here. It´s not about a thing breaking but rather the main characters being brought to the point where they snap, where they have to go beyond their limits and fail, the point where they break. So I think something like BELASTUNGSGRENZE or ZERREISSGRENZE would have been waaaay better. As for the plot, it´s a sequel to the BREAKWORLD saga from Joss Whedon´s ASTONISHING X - MEN run and it´s a bit difficult to follow all the turns and curveballs that the writer throws at the reader. But the Dodson´s art helps a great deal.


And speaking about bad translations of titles I think the best ( or worst in this case ) translation in a long time is for YOUNG AVENGERS - THE CHILDREN´S CRUSADE which originally was supposed to be called YOUNG AVENGERS - DIE KREUZFAHRT ( Young Avengers - The Cruise ).

But it seems even the guys at PANINI realized that there´s a little difference between a cruise ( a nice leisure trip on a yacht or boat ) and a crusade ( a holy war or mission most often associated with killing as many infidels as possible ). Although I have to admit the new title YOUNG AVENGERS - DER KINDERKREUZZUG still leaves a lot to be desired. For me Kinderkreuzzug sounds a lot like Kindergarten, like it´s not a serious crusade. And if you have read the series ( which I strongly recommend and not only because it´s probably the lead - in for the upcoming AVENGERS VS X - MEN megaevent ) you know that it´s anything but. The stakes are very real and very high. So, like in most cases I have no idea why they went to all the trouble instead of choosing the easier and far more obvious translation of KREUZZUG DER KINDER which also explains it better.

But maybe that´s just me and nobody else cares about that.


And with that we have officially reached the part where I start bitching and whining and cursing the evil comicgods callled Quesada and the likes and maybe even spit and scratch. In other words : Spider - Man after BRAND NEW DAY.

Yes, I´m still reading the occasional Spider - Man even after BRAND NEW DAY which in my opinion completely destroyed the franchise. But there were still some artists associated with old webhead that I liked most importantly John Romita Jr who illustrated the brilliant NEW WAYS TO DIE story. After that I mostly picked the issues with artists I liked like Marcos Martin and Javier Pulido who have kind of a similar style. for the most parts the stories are not that captivating and for a Spideyfan who has been around the block as many times as me it´s just a rehashing of old storylines that have been done before by better artists and writers. They just add the internet and i phones.

Especially the whole THE GAUNTLET deal was kind of a big joke. Spider - Man being attacked by one villain after another, first the Rhino then Mysterio then somebody else and so on ? Back when I was reading Spider - Man in the 80s we called that Wednesday and Spidey did that while having a serious cold or a broken shoulder. The gauntlet. A mere child´s game. And thank god we have returned to Peter´s women hunting days that was so much fun ( which is sarcasm ). Even the gangwar storyline with cyborg Silvermane has been done ad nauseum.


But I don´t want to turn this into one of my usual bitching rants although there will be one minor thing I will mention later on. It´s not like anybody is forcing me to buy Spider - Man and i know that BRAND NEW DAY crashed and burned Spider - Man so it´s my own fault.

There are also a few good spiderrelated comics out there. There is NEW AVENGERS where Spider - Man is a member and where he has great moments, there is FF and FANTASTIC FOUR and at PANINI there is IM NETZ VON SPIDER - MAN ( In Spider - Man´s web ). I don´t know who came up with that title but knowing PANINI he probably got a raise for that. IM NETZ VON SPIDER - MAN is the title where PANINI dumps all the spiderstuff that can´t support an ongoing series but which probably they had to buy to get the regular spider - Man series. As the source material varies the quality of the issues go from brilliant to utter crap and which sometimes has such great issues like the one that collected the complete SPIDER - MAN / HUMAN TORCH series.

The latest two I bought are issues 30 and 34. Both are 100 pages or more for 5.95 EUROS and issue 30 contains a three part story by Lee Weeks featuring CAPTAIN UNIVERSE.


For a big part of his career Lee Weeks has been considered as the go - to - guy whenever John Romita Jr was not available ( like Terry Dodson started out as the go - to - guy whenever Adam Hughes was not available or not fast enough ) but i always liked his art and I think he has managed to carve his own niche.

He did a great run on DAREDEVIL right after John Romita Jr left the title but i´m not sure if I still have the issues or where they are if I do still have them. I remember buying the issues as they came out but I might have sold them or they may have been lost in one of the many moves from room to different room. Which is a real bummer because, boy, I really would love to read that Daredevil story again. Back to NET, for those not familiar with the Captain Universe character, Captain Universe is not a specific person, it´s rather the power of Captain Universe which always seeks a different host granting them almost infinite power. Talk about Spider - Man´s mantra With great power comes great responsibility amped to the Nth level. In this story somebody gets the power who has a bone to pick with the Juggernaut and Peter is the one who throws himself in the middle against better judgement even if he´s totally outclassed. But that never stopped him before when the Juggernaut is concerned. A really good story by Roger Stern and although the following story from issue 47 of MS MARVEL ( the date with Spider - Man ) is not as good all in all it doesn´t hurt.

What really hurt me was issue 34 of NET. And for that I have to post the cover.


Now judging by the cover you might think that the main story of the issue is the New Venom. It is not. The Venom story only makes up one fourth of the issue and it´s in the back, the last story.

You might think that the guys Van Lente, Wells, Kesel and Gale contributed to the issue. They did not. Who DID contribute to the issue and in fact is the sole reason I bought the issue ( and not this ridiculous new Venom guy ) is Stefano Caselli who draws the first three issues in this comic. And he´s not even mentioned on the cover. Now I don´t if that was a last minute thing, that they wanted to do a Venom special and decided at the last moment against it but that´s just poor form. They are totally dissing Stefano Caselli, man. Is there nobody who proof reads the stuff before they go to the printer or at least gives it a final look - over ? This really should not happen with such a company like PANINI. Or at least not so damn often.

Okay, that was my one major gripe with the issue, apart from that Dan Slott writes a terriffic story ( boy, does he have changes in quality or what ? ) and Stefano Caselli draws the heck out of it. I´m still miffed that he left SECRET WARRIORS to enter the doomed ship that is Spider - Man but he´s one heck of a talented artist.


Which brings us to the last spiderissue on my pile ( at least for now ) SPIDER - MAN 93 by Dan Slott and another great artist : Marcos Martin.


The two part story deals from the fallout of NET 34 and without spoiling too much Spider - Man decides that from now one nobody is going to die while he is around. Not a bad story but it brought us the gay - black latex - disco meets Lady Gaga - Spider - Man that is going to debut in the next issue so I´m going to skip that one. And because I already have the second issue that´s going to be in Spider - Man 94 which is a brilliant story by Dan Slott in which Pete reminescences about his pal Johnny Storm who passed away recently. If you are not intimidated by ugly sadomaso costumes you should get the issue because the second story alone is worth the price of admission.

Now we have spent a lot of time with the Marvel section of PANINI but I also want to mention the DC section of PANINI before wrapping things up ( it´s once again half past one after midnight ) which means BATMAN.


Yup, here in Germany PANINI publishes SIMPSONS, FUTURAMA, STAR WARS, BUFFY, BOMB QUEEN, CONAN, RED SONYA, MORNING GLORIES, SCOTT PILGRIM, SPONGEBOB, THE BOYS, DARK TOWER, THE STAND and MARVEL and DC. And they still say their sales numbers are not good. What the hell else do they want ? If you can´t make a profit with those franchises - forget it.

So, most of the DC series that did interest me ( after FLASHPOINT I have to remind myself to keep talking in the past tense ) I used to read in the original version so apart from the occasional MONSTEREDITION the only thing from DC that I did read in the german version was BATMAN. Or rather BATMAN & ROBIN now that Grant Morrison has ended his megasaga which ran through all battitles.

I have to say I didn´t read R.I.P. and I don´t know if I ever will since most of the people who read it didn´t understand it. But reading the batstories was more fun when all the issues were just pieces in Grant´s metapuzzle. I have read a few issues of the Batman book by Tony Daniel but there´s nothing there that really makes this a must buy. So I´m sticking to the issues that have parts of BATMAN & ROBIN which is much more entertaining. And although Frank Quitely left the book with issue three the latest issues by Patrick Gleason have been pretty solid. I rather liked his art on GREEN LANTERN CORPS and I hope they can keep him around a while and finally give the book a consistent look.


And that´s finally the last word on that matter and I hope this post wasn´t too boring. Next time we´ll get to a topic that´s more fun and who knows ? I might even get to do my top ten of Power Girl cosplay.


Since it might be a while before I get to do it I wanted to post this link which is the flicker photostream of lady_wolf_star my actual number 1. She really has the goods.


Before closing I have to give the update on the DOCTOR WHO WATCH. I know I have decided to start with the first Doctor but before going to the black and white version I have picked one last color episode to watch, namely THE FIVE DOCTORS. As the title implies in the episode all the five Doctors up to the Tom Baker one ( who probably was the current Doctor at that time ) meet up. Although they don´t interact as much as I hoped it´s interesting to see these different versions of the Doctor and his companions together. As Tom Baker doesn´t do much in the episode I´m guessing this was another brilliant filler while he was busy filming other episodes. I think I will rewatch it when I have finished David Hartnell´s stint as the Doctor before beginning with the next Doctor.

Since Today´s post is all about german comics the video is also a german video, in this case the first part of BROT IM ORIENT EXPRESS ( Bread on the Orient Express ). You may remember Bernd from the DINNER FOR ONE spoof I posted in an earlier post.



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Good...then I´ll have spent Doctor Doom´s own money to destroy him.