Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Best booty in showbiz : Janet bonus post

Just when you thought it was save to read the blog something like this happens : first I decide to write no Janet Jackson birthday post, then I had to make one and now I even have to split it into two because it got too long - as always where ultimate sexbomb icon Janet is concerned.

As usual this is going to be complicated because this part - which is the part that I decided to cut from the original post - will be posted at Janet Jackson´s actual birthday while the rest that remains from the original post will be posted before my latest post ( which is still unfinished at this point ) so that it´s not the first thing on the blog. While I don´t have a problem with that I know some readers do and I also can make a few changes if necessary without worrying about prying eyes so to speak.

Now in this part we have all the stuff about casting hot √úbersexbombs in comic book movies and be warned - this will make you squirt all over your computer screen. This whole tangent started with Jermaine Dupri´s mega raunchy music video Gotta Getcha where Janet plays a tres busty stripper dressed up as a school girl / teacher . Although Janet´s skimpy sex outfits may be a thing of the past now that the goddess has married once again.

In any case we still have this video and that´s what I call casting at it´s best because Janet Jackson was just born for that role. Not only is she predestined to play a stripper since she has the best bod in showbiz she has some incredible stripper moves that make real striptease pros envious.

Okay, I don´t know if the script said explicitly " busty stripper " but with her huge melons it´s the only kind of stripper Janet can believably portray.

A few months ago I found a Making Of from that video and I have to say I´m not sure how I feel about the fact that originally Janet was supposed to play a nymphomanic dominatrix but they skipped that because it would hit too close to home according to Janet herself. Say what ? So Janet is a nymphomanic dominatrix in the privacy of her own bedroom ? Daiiiiimn !

I don´t think of myself as sexy but I am a very sexual being, I always have sex on my mind. I feel very comfortable with it and I think it´s great if a guy has a good sized package. I know the effect my body has on guys so I sometimes use it to get especially well hung guys into my bedroom where I tie them to the bed and bang their brains out in a marathon sex orgy. I go completely crazy and make them squirt again and again until they are completely drained. I regret doing it but I´ll turn around and do it again.

If the teachers on our school would have looked like that I never would have skipped classes. I would even have gone to detention if Janet was the supervisor. I really wouldn´t mind getting a long oral exam from her !

I always knew that Janet was a sex freak ( Janet admitted to joining the Mile High Club and is a well known size queen ) and although the rumors that Bobby Brown banged her in the 80s might not be true it is much more believable that she used Justin Timberlake as her sextoy and dumped him after a month of steamy sex marathons . According to Justin it took Janet an hour to get in my pants after we first hooked up and she was so wild in bed that I didn´t know how to handle it. I was falling in love with Miss Jackson but during our get - togethers she only wanted to have sex.

As much as I may respect Justin Timberlake as an artist I find it hard to feel pity for him because he had what every male on the planet would kill for and we all know how he screwed that up. But since we are on the subject of that particular music video it gave me an idea to cast Janet in a different role in my JLA movie casting. Longtime readers may remember that she was in a few of my CASTING THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA MOVIE posts, first as Green Lantern Soranik Natu in a solo post , then as Dawn in my second alternates post and finally in my latest alternates post as the nymphomanic french teacher Dominique Deepthroat from the JUSTICE LEAGUE EUROPE issue where the team took french lessons.

I don´t know why this idea didn´t occur to me sooner since Janet already played a hot school teacher, in fact her performance was so hot that it never aired in Germany so Janet would be perfect as the busty teacher.

I know that the teacher in the comic was white and not as busty as Janet but with her huge melons any teacher Janet plays is the ultimate big breasted sexbomb and I´m taking a few liberties with the script anyway.

In the comic the Justice League Europe wound up in the same french class as the Injustice League and they ended up fighting. Now in my movie I would continue the story as Captain Atom receives a personal letter from the french teacher which is an invitation for more french lessons and the Captain thinks what a drag that is. He does not suspect what the horny teacher really has up her sleeve - or up her garter belt in Janet´s case.

When Captain Atom arrives at the classroom he´s very surprised as he seems to be the only pupil. Although not as surprised as when Dominique arrives in an outfit right from a Big MILF Tits At School porn video. She grabs an apple he had brought to tease her but now she is the one teasing him and the laughter gets stuck in his throat as she licks it lasciviously.

While the Captain is still reeling from the first shock the french teacher turns to the board revealing her bootilicious bubblebutt, giving him even more of a huge erection ( which he desperately is trying to surpress ).

While fighting against his giant boner Captain tries to distract the sexy teacher with some verbal banter which doesn´t work as well as he hoped.

Captain Atom : That´s quite the unusual teacher uniform you´re wearing.

Dominique Deepthroat : Well, I used to work my way zrough college as a stripper. But don´t tell anybody. If my pupils found out my zecret those perverts would assault me sexually even more zan they already do.

As Dominique starts showing off her stripper skills the Captain can no longer hide his pulsating manhood which is about to break the desk in half. Seeing as she is about to reach her goal she presses her advantage.

Dominique : So, I hear you americains are obsessed with oral sex. Le blowjob, n´ est - ce pas ? You all make fun of my last name - Deepthroat. Do you know why le oral sex is called french in the rest of the world ?

Before Captain Atom can even process the question Dominique starts playing Carly Simon´s James Bond song Nobody Does It Better while licking the globe. He can only watch mesmerized as he gets even harder.

At this point the good Captain surrenders to his basest instincts and after changing the music to Jane Birkin´s moan aria Je t´aime the french teacher starts riding him like a wild stallion. Now not only do we have Janet in a raunchy sex scene where she takes off all her clothes we also can cast another silver screen goddess for the role she previously had. 

That way I could cast Sarah Louise Young as Dawn and Halle Berry as Katma Tui ( although she would get a very special Green Lantern uniform to show off her breast assets ) and I can keep Halle in my JLA movie cast.

On top of that I can also have Beyonce ( as Vixen ) and Mariah Carey.

Speaking of casting calls for comic books there is another comic movie adaption for which Janet would be perfect, Kevin J. Taylor´s The Girl.

And because it´s an adult title Janet can even use her stripper moves and live out her sexual urges. Like during her Velvet Rope tour where she tied down male audience members and used them as her personal sex toys.

I just hope we can get some male actors who can give size queen Janet a real challenge where the explicit sex marathon scenes are concerned.

Also since it´s not very realistic to have just one girl in a strip club I could cast Halle Berry again ( as well as include Beyonce and Mariah Carey who´d make great hookers ) who has already shown she has the stripper skills.

Although now that I think of it she may be better suited to play Marty who is not a stripper. Doesn´t she own a record store or something ?

Which would mean that we would not get any striptease scenes with Halle Berry but there would be enough nude / sex scenes to make up for that.


I don´t know how far Halle would go to bring the extremely explicit sex scenes with the orally fixated nymphomaniac Marty to the big screen but she has shown she can push the boundaries and get down to business.

And as a director who takes his job seriously I would naturally insist on rehearsing all explicit sex scenes with Halle Berry myself just to assure the integrity of the movie. Ah well, those are the sacrifices we make for art.

Since I mentioned Mariah Carey, she would naturally play orally fixated deepthroat specialist Jill since Kevin Taylor himself has casted her in that role and who am I to argue with such a master of erotic comic books ?

Naturally every strip club needs an asian sexbomb and I would cast cosplay queen Yaya Han . Which is the point where I have to break this post up for a third and hopefully final time to get it to a reasonable length even if it means I have to go back in for another rewrite and redo the last part. We will continue with much more stuff about Yaya Han, the Scarlet Witch and asian sexbombs in the third part which might disappear from the blog as long as it´s unfinished but it will appear again once I have had the chance to do another comic book related post that will be on the top of the blog.

Some people ask me : Subzero, why you always do dem birthdays ? Well, on one side I can´t always include all people who have a birthday but sometimes it´s hard to find videos that fit the theme of the post. And in those cases the birthdays can be a nice way to reduce the bookmarked videos. Not that it helps with Megan Fox who is the youngest with 31.

I´ve seen her on Two And A Half Men, Transformers and Jonah Hex but none of these were really good so I avoided Jennifer´s Body and Michael Bay´s Turtles. Maybe she´ll be in a good movie somewhere in her career.

Next up is Tori Spelling who turns 44. As baffling as it may seem I actually wrote about her - okay, mostly about her sexy dance in a hooker outfit on Beverly Hills 90210 - in a birthday post about Tiffani Amber Thiessen.

If you can call her wild fertility inducing movements dancing. She really was just shaking her big boobs in the general direction of the camera. But that she did very effectively. I never was a big Tori Spelling fan but in that scene she really squeezed her breast into a tight leather top and just pushed them straight in your face. Now that´s what I call entertainment.

What I find a bit strange is how did such a scene get approved when her father was producing this ? Should I be concerned that Daddy dearest put it in the script or does this say more about his employees ? Maybe some disgruntled writers just decided to put his boss´ daughter into a hooker outfit and let her dance for him as payback for sleeping with his wife.

" Okay, Tori, do you think you can move more like a prostitute ? And we need to make the outfit sluttier. This is supposed to be a rock video. " 

I started watching Beverly Hills 90210 on the basis of Tori´s constantly growing boobs which was a product of her Dad´s financed surgery and Tiffani Amber Theissen´s exploding chest which was a product of nature.

It helped a lot that Tiffani was often in bikinis or leather hooker outfits.

Those directors got it made, they just go " Okay guys, in the next four episodes Tiffani dresses up as a prostitute. And she has to do at least one striptease and two nude sex scenes in each episode. Which is really necessary for her character. Oh yeah, and send her to my trailer for .... extreme rehearsal. We have to go over the scene ... orally. " Those horny perverts are to thank for that Tiffani was so often in bikinis on that show.

Speaking about hookers, besides appearing on Beverly Hills 90210 Tiffani also was on Saved by the Bell with Elizabeth Berkley who revealed her real stripper nature in Showgirls. The movie was called a flop when it first come out but in the meantime it has become a cult classic mainly based on Elizabeth´s stripper moves which left me no other chance than cast her as one of my alternate choices for the Nympho Supergirl from Earth XXX in my second alternatives post for casting the Justice League movie .

She would get a different origin in which her rocket was bombarded by the radiation of pink kryptonite which turns all female kryptonians into super horny blow up sex dolls. Because of the long exposure to the pink kryptonite the effects would be permanent ( instead of only temporary like usual ) and Nympho Supergirl would have different powers like sex strength, peep vision, erection vision, perv hearing, orgasmic flight, ovaric speed, tantra healing, kama sutra flexibility, olympic stamina, multiple position memory, fellatio breath and deepthroat breath. I would say she also has the power to give all men giant erections making their pulsating dicks hard enough to cut diamonds as soon as they look at her but with Miss Berkeley´s super sexy stripper moves that´s a given.

But double jointed Elizabeth not only licks the chrome off your steelhard pole she has the all important " pumping pelvic thrust " move down to pat. I bet that comes in handy with that portable casting couch she allegedly has and I would not mind being at the receiving end of that a few hours.

Since I don´t have a video for Tori Spelling I thought about posting one with Elizabeth and her co star Mario Lopez about why she doesn´t think a Saved By The Bell reunion is a good idea. But then I found one with Tiffani from Just Shoot Me. Since they are not easy to find so I changed my plans.

The main attraction of that show was of course the very underrated and alleged blow up sex doll template, the Busenwunder Laura San Giacomo.

She could have been a big star with her superior physical attributes as her mammoth 39E melons put other actresses busts to shame and even got porn stars envious since Laura´s magnificent mammaries are all natural if she hadn´t dressed like a nun. She still couldn´t hide her double airbags. 

After this little sexbomb trifecta tangent we get back to the birthdays with David Boreanaz who nears the big five o with 48 years.  He is best known as FBI Agent Seeley Booth from Bones but he started his career on Buffy and later the spin off Angel together with Charisma Carpenter who also was on Veronica Mars. I have three seasons of Angel on my to watch pile and with any luck I can get the others before I start so I can binge watch them all. One day when I can find them on amazon I´m even going to watch the first season of Veronica Mars to find out how it all started.

Besides Veronica Mars Charisma Carpenter was also in episode 11 of season 5 of Burn Notice where she showed that she still has huge XXL boobs.

So far only the first three seasons are available in Germany while in the United States the series is already finished - with season seven I think.

Debra Winger turns 62, she´s best known for such movies like An Officer And Gentleman and Legal Eagles but she also played Wonder Girl on the 70s tv show Wonder Woman although I don´t think she looks back fondly on that role. Although to be fair she owes her employment to an error since Wonder Woman really never had a sister in the comics. I´ll have to rewatch those episodes now that I know that Yvonne De Carlo from The Addams Family played Wonder Woman´s mother Queen Hippolyta.

Here I also had another video in the pipeline since two of my videos from the episodes with Drusilla were deleted but then I found this one with the young Miss Winger. No matter what Debra thinks of her performance she definitely filled out the costume with her big bulging .... ehh, talents.

The new Wonder Woman movie is currently in cinemas ( 15.06 in Germany ) so here is some old school amazonian adventure for your amazement.

Pierce Brosnan has completed his 64th year and not only was he the best James Bond after Sean Connery he also had one of the best Bond girls.

Halle Berry is in my regular JLA casting posts as well as in my alternatives since it would be a dream come true to direct her. Of course I would insist on personally rehearsing the explicit sex scenes for hours after the rest of the crew has left the set - for the whole weekend. A very long weekend.

Move bad guy / anti hero Danny Trejo can look back on 73 years which started with the Andy Sidaris movie Guns among his earliest work.

Next we have a sad anniversary. Yvonne Craig would have been a bit older than Danny, 80 years if she hadn´t passed away. She was quite the looker and a big part of why the campy 70s Batman tv show was so successful.

Though this is still a comic blog ( despite the high babe factor we talked about JUSTICE LEAGUE EUROPE, Captain Atom, Dawn, Katma Tui, Vixen, The Girl, Megan Fox who was in a really awful JONAH HEX movie, Debra Winger as Wonder Girl and Halle Berry who played both, Storm and Catwoman ) I don´t think you need to see another documentary about the 70s Batman tv show so here is an episode of Love American Style.

Since I mentioned her in this post I´m taking the chance to put another Mariah video - this one is from Watch What Happens Live - on the blog.

New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best

Merciful Minerva !

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