TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN: Goodbye Germany

I´m still trying to finish my post on John Byrne´s short but memorable run on AVENGERS so I have decided to make another tribute post for the late great Ross Andru, THE Spider - Man artist of my misspent youth and at the same time giving another fond farewell to a big chunk of my former comicbook collection : my issues of DIE SPINNE from the Condor Verlag.

Now longtime readers of the blog know that one of the main topics here are writers or artists that I think are underappreciated or at least are my personal favorites and which I think deserve more attention. And I have done posts on Ross Andru before. In 2016 I did two posts in homage for him, one about his work on the Superman titles which I read as part of the german SUPERMAN / BATMAN issues by Ehapa Verlag and one for his five year run on AMAZING SPIDER - MAN where he co - created the Punisher.

But that Spider - Man post was just splash pages so I wanted to do a black and white post for Ross Andru. Which I did in 2019, only that it turned out to be two posts rather than one. Since I already went into the publishing history of Spider - Man in Germany in this post I don´t want to bore my readers with all the details again. Let me just mention that Ross Andru was the artist of the last issues that were published by the Williams Verlag and also the first issues Condor Verlag brought to german readers when DIE SPINNE finally became a monthly title in Germany again back in 1980.

Besides accompanying me on a long stretch of my comic reading another reason why I wanted to make this post is I still haven´t seen THIS version of Peter Parker on the big screen. I know that I have done a number of posts about " my Spider - Man " which for someone like me who has been reading comic books for over 40 years now have been different versions of Spider - Man at different times. Naturally I started with the early Steve Ditko issues but the thing that kept me reading the title was that with each issue and each new artist it just kept getting better and better.

There were some periods I did not enjoy as much but from John Romita to Sal Buscema to John Romita Junior to Ron Frenz to Todd McFarlane to Erik Larsen etc. there are a lot of periods that I thoroughly enjoyed. So it´s hard to pick one favorite and say : " That´s the one Spider - Man artist for me, the end - all - be - all of Spider - Man artists. " Coming back to Ross Andru, while I can´t say that he is my favorite Spider - Man artist he definitely is the one who defined the alter ego of Peter Parker for me.

Which may sound strange but for me that was the Peter Parker that was as interesting as Spider - Man ( if not more interesting ) because it was the guy that grew up with me. He lost the big love of his life ( there is still a DEATH IN COMICS : THE DEATH OF GWEN STACY post in the works ) and his relationships to the whole supporting cast changed - especially to Mary Jane ( who is back in Peter Parker´s life although it took Disney forever to reach that realization ), he graduated from college and he became more confident moving away from the puny bookworm Parker image.

What´s even more important is that Ross Andru had such a knack for drawing backgrounds and especially Peter´s bachelor pad that you really had the impression that this was a guy you really knew and visited once a month. There was the busted sofa he got from the trash together with the wooden indian and all the other stuff in his apartment. Plus the signature sweater. I remember that one Christmas my mother got me a sweater as a present and she thought I would not like it because I would have preferred a toy. Little did she know that it became one of my favorite sweaters because it looks just like the sweaters that Peter Parker was wearing in those Ross Andru issues of AMAZING SPIDER - MAN. Like most of my clothes sadly it didn´t make the move from Germany to Spain.

Anyways, in the movies Peter Parker is getting younger and younger and his evolution has been from socially awkward but good looking nerdy guy to funny but moody hottie to annoying millenial so I don´t think we will get to see this version of Peter Parker on the big screen any time soon.

WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR THE OBLIGATORY ANDY SIDARIS SECTION

One of the perks of these additional posts is that I can put material here that has become too long for the main post. In this case it´s hungarian 34D - 24 - 34 skin flick sexbomb and sex therapist Ava Cadell who turned 65 on the 15th of June and who got her own cult siren entry in 2016. Which means she´s due for an update with bigger and better animated GIFs.

As longtime followers of the blog know I have to take advantage of every opportunity to mention cult movie maker Andy Sidaris especially since Ava Cadell provides the best scene of DO OR DIE . In later Andy Sidaris movies she had the part of Ava ( coincidence ? ) who was head DJ and president of local hawaiian radio station KSXY in HARD HUNTED. 24 hours a day, she broadcasts sleazy F&S music, giving sex advice and moaning in orgasmic ecstasy. Her sex fueled speeches also serve as code to spies in the field.

Then there’s the office assistant, played by Becky Mullen ( it would take too long to go into detail on her so check out her solo posts ), who fetches coffee in a skin tight red leather bikini. And if dressing for work nearly naked wasn’t enough, then hold on, because later in the film they actually do work naked, well, almost naked. Ava proceeds to do her radio show topless from a hot tub alongside her by then topless office assistant.

It seems that Ava works from wherever she wants wearing whatever she wants. Seriously, if this was a real radio station it had to be on live tv !

By the way - talk about playing what you know - DOCTOR Ava Cadell ( you can call her The Sex Doctor ) is America’s number 1 sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, Hypnotherapist, Founder of LoveologyUniversity.com and President of the American College of Sexologists International. Dr. Ava Cadell’s brand is sexual empowerment and she´s the author of 8 books and the monthly Sex Advice Columnist for Penthouse Magazine for whom she has created a series of online courses and videos entitled Sex Academy. Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist, and global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships. She also has a radio show called SEX DRIVE !

Not to sound chauvinistic but since Ava Cadell has shown in a plethora of skin flicks that her body was made to pump pulsating pricks dry it is not surprising that she uses her sexual skills as a sex therapist. Because of her superior oral deepthroating skills and being versed in all the positions of the Kama Sutra and similar tomes - plus a few she came up with herself - Dr. Ava Cadell prefers a " hands on " ( as well as " lips on " and " breasts on " if necessary ) approach and handles the most severe cases of impotence, erectile dysfunction, hyperspermia and priapism herself. Especially if her extremely well endowed and wealthy clients are part of Hollywood´s elite.

Of course there are always those who want to take advantage of other people´s generosity and there was a case where a corrupt doctor made a small fortune by issuing fake diagnosis of hyperspermia and priapism to horny, rich patients who took a viagra overdose so that Dr. Ava had to milk their erections dry. Some of them took such a high dosage that Ava had to use her patented leaping spread legs splits bounce before they squirted like there´s no Tomorrow, almost drowning her in a shower of sperm.

As it had to happen the jig was up after a few weeks but the perverted doctor had already fled to a tropic island paradise populated by horny, bare naked exotic nympho blow up sex dolls and no extradition treaty.

For the next months Ava increased the security measures and background checks and those who insisted on being treated by Ava personally had to absolve a sexual gauntlet where their huge monstercocks were put to the ultimate test by Samantha Phillips, Cynthia Brimhall, Shae Marks, Julie K. Smith and other incredible sex machines that Ava knew from her Andy Sidaris movies before Ava herself dicktamed their large horsecocks.

Ava also did a lot of charity work but she had to stop getting personally involved in supporting the Boy Scouts after a camping trip with two groups of boy scouts ended up in an ejaculation sensation marathon.

At a previous fundraiser for the Boy Scouts of America Ava performed Salome´s famous bellydance of the seven veils and when a group of Boy Scouts who had snuck into the charity event got an eyeful of her naked porn star body after the last veil had fallen those who had already hit puberty got an instant erection while the others hit puberty prematurely.

So during the camping trip those horny teens who had seen Ava Cadell naked got her and the two other female chaperones - a barely legal afro - american nun with bigger boobs than most porn stars, an ass that won´t quit and legs for miles almost up to her chin and a 35 year old member of the parent - teacher association with fillipino roots and the relentless body of a Playmate Of The Year - drunk enough to drag them to a youth center where they participated in an impromptu wet t - shirt contest.

In fact Ava Cadell and the two sexbombs were so plastered that they didn´t notice that the drooling teenagers had stripped them of their g - strings before the final deciding freestyle round during which the fillipino Busenwunder demonstrated her natural born aptitude to spread her legs.

The other two contestants naturally didn´t want to be left behind so they joined in on the fun and for the next 30 minutes all three were doing the splits, dry humping the stage or doing exercises like downward dog or dive bombers not realizing they were giving the ultimate pussy peep show.

The demonstration had an immediate effect and soon the horny juvenile delinquents rushed the stage and took turns at dicktaming the three sex machines in an endless succession of positions all through the night and into the early hours of the morning until they were completely spent.

Another epic charity fail due to her enourmous sex appeal happened to Ava Cadell during spring break while she was on tour with Cynthia Brimhall, Samantha Phillips, Roberta Vasquez, Julie Strain, Julie K. Smith and a few other playmates on her " Don´t Schtub Her Without Rubber " campaign.

The goal of this tour was to propagate safer sex and if she couldn´t stop the hundreds of hot enebriated teenage sexbombs from being sexually assaulted by horny perverts at least they would not get pregnant. There was no way to stop the hundreds of drunk and horny jocks from using all the nubile co - eds as blow up sex dolls but if Ava could get them to use a condom at least they would not infect them with any venereal diseases.

From previous lecture tours Ava Cadell knew that handing out condoms and pamphlets about safer sex practices would not generate enough interest with the main target audience of her lectures - the guys - so Ava Cadell also included a demonstration of the right way to apply a condom.

With the added twist that Ava would pick an audience member - with a big emphasis on the member part since she would always choose the most well endowed guys - for this demonstration and that instead of putting the condom on by hand Ava would put the condom in her mouth and roll it over the hard and fully erect dick with her soft, full, perfect blowjob lips while deepthroating the lucky stiff´s boner, swallowing the full shaft.

To generate more buzz Roberta Vasquez and a few of the other busty bra busters also gave a breast massage deepthroat crash course which was sure to draw a lot of interest. In any case, during one event things got a bit out of hand when half a dozen jocks with extremely big members all showed up for the condom demonstration. Ava Cadell used all her oral sex skills to satisfy the cheering crowd but after she had barely managed to swallow the first two guy´s huge horsecocks the others decided that it was about time to demonstrate how the condoms ought to be used.

So despite her protest Ava Cadell was stripped down and penetrated with long slow strokes with her long legs spread wide apart in front of a drunk drooling crowd. The other playmates tried to help her but since most of them were in the midst of massaging hard erections with their massive melons while deepthroating them for all they´re worth they also were rushed on stage and sexually assaulted by dozens of drunk spring breakers.

Things really escalated when somebody started shouting : " Free condoms and free bitches, dudes ! Get a free condom and fuck a playmate ! " and this was when the playmates were tag teamed by droves of drunk, sex hungry perverts. It all turned into one big marathon penetration party where the horny guys slam - fucked all busty sluts they could get ahold of including the contestants of an asian porn star sling bikini competition.

After they had taken the brunt of this sexual discharge the playmates collapsed and a few shrewd guys loaded the unconscious Ava Cadell, Erika Eleniak and Roberta Vasquez into their car, drove them to their fraternity pad where they hosed them up, cleaned them up and later handcuffed them to the bedposts ( with their hands behind their heads and their legs in an eagle spread position ) of their special " taming beds " where the juvenile delinquents then took turns dicktaming the busty sexbombs.

When those horny perverts were not busy sexually assaulting our torrid tittylating trio with their giant jackhammers without mercy they were domesticated by the nymphomanic sorority girls of Kappa Gamma Lesbos with an unending array of vibrators and other sex toys to train them as blow up sex dolls. One girl in particular - Dolly Doubledildo - developed a huge crush on Roberta Vasquez and tried to tame her in the worst way.

Naturally Roberta Vasquez was also very popular with all the guys - since she has the biggest and most perfect set of natural breasts ever shown in the pages of PLAYBOY magazine ( 40DD ! ) and the perverts got extra hard due to the knowledge that they were slamfucking an ex cop - so that Dolly had to battle Bingo Bongo Schlongo Longo for the right to subdue Roberta.

To decide the winner they agreed to see who could make Roberta scream the loudest and Dildo really did her best, working Roberta´s porn star body with a 40 inch double dildo until she was writhing in convulsions, foaming at the mouth. But in the end Bingo Bongo won because he not only had a dick like a third leg, he also had recently been released after a two year prison sentence for sexually assaulting a convenant of big breasted nuns.

So he had two years of pent up sexual energy which he focused entirely on Roberta. After this penetration ejaculation marathon Roberta Vasquez decided that it was time to get out of Dodge before those horny frat boys really banged their brains out. During her tenure as a cop all her partners tried to assault her sexually. When they got the upper hand on ravashing Roberta they stripped her naked, handcuffed her wrists to her ankles, threw her on the backseat and drove to an isolated spot where nobody could hear her screams while they had their way with Roberta. So she learned very quick how to get out of handcuffs, even without the keys.

During a break in their taming schedule Roberta managed to free herself and the other playmates and since they didn´t have time to get dressed before they fled it was child´s play for them to wave down a cab. The downside was that they didn´t have any cash on them so the cabbie - a twentytwo year old college student - insisted on getting a deepthroat double breast massage from Roberta Vasquez before he agreed to drive them back to Playboy Mansion and the entire way the girls had to take turns at giving him a blowjob. At their destination he insisted to be paid in naturals and because his passengers were exhausted from their ordeal Hugh Hefner persuaded the cabbie to an ejaculation sensation sex orgy in the famous PLAYBOY grotto with half a dozen playmates - including a few Playmates Of The Year - who milked his dick until he was completely dry.

Andy Sidaris was probably THE BEST director of action movies for adults and his cast is a WHOS´S WHO of playmates : 40DD Playmate Of The Month November 1984 Roberta Vasquez , hot 34D Page 3 girl turned sex therapist Ava Cadell , 41D Penthouse Pet Of The Year 1993 Julie Strain , Samantha Phillips, 34D Playmate Of The Month May 1994 Shae Marks , 36D Penthouse Pet Of The Month February 1993 Julie K. Smith , 34C Playmate Of The Month September 1993 Carrie Westcott or Dona Speir to name just a few.

And I just wrote a spin - off post with all the usual links to Janet Jones Gretzky and real live Power Girl Leslie Easterbrook who had the most famous scene in Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol in which she emerges from a pool in a wet t - shirt . And while the obligatory Andy Sidaris actresses / playmates / sexbombs like Roberta Vasquez , Ava Cadell , brunette Cynthia Brimhall, Dona Speir , Julie Strain , Shae Marks , Julie K. Smith and Samantha Phillips are mentioned the main part is about blonde brabuster Monique Sluyter and the obligatory plethora of Tutti Frutti girls .

Now usually I just include a short part with them in the posts but this time I did a somewhat longer version so I could include all the new download links I found while writing this post. I just recently included a whole slew of new ones but those are just for compilation and mixes while these new ones are not only for entire episodes - which are always ultra rare - but for german episodes which are even rarer. Some of them even include my favorite Tutti Frutti girl ( whom you can see just below ).

BUT NOW LET US GET BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM

Coming back to Spider - Man comicbooks in general and Ross Andru´s version of everyone´s favorite wall crawler in particular here is a look at his Artist Edition. I think I mentioned before that among the few comicbooks and comicbookrelated thing I managed to hold onto from my vast comicbook collection are the Artist Edition of Mike Zeck and the Artifact Edition of John Byrne´s AVENGERS run and other assorted series.

I just recently bought the Artist´s Edition of Jim Lee´s X - MEN . Since I have lost most of my comicbooks I have decided to not even try to start my collection from scratch for the second time. Not that I am not willing to try but on one side I haven´t found a good online comic shop in Spain that sells US back issues yet and there is also the matter of not knowing how much time I have left. So I try to only buy new stuff - or at least stuff I have not had the chance to read - as well as the indispensable classics.

I also tend to favor omnibus books and Absolute Edition so I get complete runs in one fine package. Which brings us back to the Artist Editions.

Right now I am waiting for the new one with John Bucema´s AVENGERS but I couldn´t find any preview pages and to tell the truth, I would much rather prefer an Artist´s Edition of his brilliant second run of AVENGERS .

But back to Ross Andru´s Spider - Man, I couldn´t pass up this opportunity to include a video about one of the most famous - or infamous depending on your mileage - stories of his run, the romance and subsequent almost marriage of Aunt May and Otto Octavius a.k.a. Doc Ock. Which is why I halfway expected Otto to try to get it on with Aunt May instead of Mary Jane in the SUPERIOR SPIDER - MAN storyline ( which I still haven´t read ).

On the other hand if I had the chance to bang out the brains of a hot supermodel like MJ who´s built like a living blow up sex doll I also would totally dicktame her. Especially if I was not in my own decrepit body but inhabiting the body of a strapping young lad like Peter Parker in his sexual prime who is hung like a horse and possesses the proportionate strength of a spider ( which comes in real handy when thrusting in all the way ) plus enhanced speed, flexibility and endurance. Man, I would totally wreck her.

Speaking of big racks .... I mean big wrecks, I still haven´t seen Spider - Man : No Way Home. I keep hearing great things about it but after seeing the other MCU movies I just can´t take Tom Holland´s Spider - Man serious ( for too many reasons to go into right now ). And most people liked the first two Tom Holland Spider - Man movies so maybe No Way Home is just a big pile of crap on a stick. Anyway, while most people seem to prefer a movie with characters that act in a way that makes no sense as long as the special effects are spectacular I can forgive the worst special effects as long as the movie stays true to the original source material. Which is the reason why I am kicking it old school with Spider - Man Strikes Back.

Since this post continues my series of saying farewell to my old home I wanted to include a video of Reinhard Mey, one of Germany´s greatest, most famous as well as most beloved singer / songwriters. Part of his appeal is that he never tried to change his style and he is one of the few german singers who still uses perfect high german in his songs. And nobody else can condense a complete life into a song like Reinhard Mey.

Staying in Germany, we have Perry Rhodan - SOS aus dem Weltraum, or like it is known outside of 'Germany 2067 AD. I may have posted this one before but it´s worthy of an encore performance. As longtime followers of the blog might have guessed it is a movie about Perry Rhodan, Germany´s longest running science fiction pulp novel. I had the choice between this version and the edition from SchleFAZ - which is short for Schlechteste Filme Aller Zeiten ( Worst movies of all times ) - but as bad as the movie is, it´s not nearly as bad as the constant commentary of the idiots who host the show. Five minutes of their jokes and you want to kill yourself.

Another german institution is comicbook legend Rolf Kauka, best known for his Fix & Foxy comicbook series. There is even a Fix & Foxy tv channel in Germany with a lof of kid´s shows and cartoons like Der Zauberstein - The Magic Stone - an animated movie which I didn´t even know existed.

Closing out the german part of Today´s post addendum we have a video about things that are common in Germany but not so common or even unheard of in the rest of the world. Like sweets. Not that they do not have sweets in Spain but here the section with the sweets are much smaller and they don´t carry a lot of sweets that you can find everywhere in Germany like Toffifee, Schoko Crossies or Ritter Sport. And aside from Goldbären you can´t find decent Haribos. Plus there is no O2 - which I always bought at the 1 Euro store because it´s more expensive in other shops. In fact they don´t have any water with just a little bit of fruit taste - only regular water and sodas and the sodas are much sweeter than in Germany. So I have to stick to isotonic drinks like Aquarius or Radler.

Continuing our globetrotting journey our next stop is in Romania with another batch of videos of real life Power Girl Sonia Edde. My initial idea was to write more about her in subsequent posts but since I am trying to wrap things up here we have to leave that for when I have more time.