Tuesday, February 05, 2019

To boldyl go where no man has come before

We are staying within the realm of pop music with our first candidate from February the second as colombian rumpshaker Shakira celebrated her 42nd birthday who became world famous for her boner inducing fertility dance.


So far I haven´t done a proper cult siren post on Shakira which might be for the best of everyone involved since I had to cut her part in my Casting The Justice League movie alternates post - where I cast her as Supergirl - several times because it got out of hand and became waaaay too sexual.


Scholars of aztec legends and mythology believe that Shakira was named after the ancient goddess of fertility and virility Shakeyoassrightherya whose name could be roughly translated with " goddess of the rotating hips that gives men huge erections and makes them last long time ".


It is said that Shakira, being a direct descendant of the ancient aztec sex priestesses still knowns the forbidden lore of the secret dances of lust.


The hot girl next door grew up on a farm and you know Shakira is good at milking - only instead of cows she milked all the local teenagers dry. She also was the erection guarantee who got the stallions ready to mount the breed mare with her superior oral skills when the sex drugs didn´t work.


In case the sex drugs worked too good - or the breeding session had to be rescheduled for whatever reason - she also had to use her special skills to help the worked up stallions release the accumulated sperm. Which had the unwanted effect that some of the stallions became more interested in the foreplay and after sessions with Shakira than anything else. A few times some disgruntled co - worker whose sexual advances Shakira had declined sabotaged the whole thing and later gave the stallion a sex drug overdose so he would mercilessly drill Shakira for hours, wearing her out.


And when the battered and exhausted colombian concubine would drag herself to her private quarters with the last ounces of her strength she would find the pervert already waiting for her. In this state she had to endure his sexual assault helplessly and what he didn´t match in size in regards to the stallion who had stretched out all her holes he made up for in fervor and enthusiasm. After one too many all night squirt rodeo Shakira left the ranch and the world of horse breeding to pursue a music career.


It´s time for another round of the ever so popular Six Degrees Of Erotic Separations as Brent Spiner celebrated his 70th birthday. He is of course famous for his appearances on Star Trek : The Next Generaton as Lt. Cmdr. Data whose programming was irrevocably altered by Security Chief Tasha Yar´s rampant sex drive. Tasha Yar was a closet nymphomanic sexbomb due to being sexually assaulted on her home planet by rape gangs on a daily basis since her teenage body busted out. Which might explain why in the original draft she developed an unhealthy sexual desire for Wesley Crusher.


But that´s not the only female cast member Brent Spiner worked with on Star Trek : The Next Generation who put the f - word in science fucktion.


There also was ship´s counselor Deanna Troy who was the consolation officer in the first version, an orgasmic tantra priestess from the planet Betasex skilled in all techniques to be used by the crew as stress relief.


Because of their telepathic abilities the women from Betasex were ideal prostitutes and they also had a very high pain threshold and were very resilient so their clients could go for it. Which happened very often when they were working at some mining outpost frequented by sexstarved aliens with dozens of huge reproductive organs or big slimy tentacles.


Her role was changed a to pass american censors but they still put Marina Sirtis in a snug uniform with a very generous cleavage so that some of her best parts were scenes in which she was just taking slow deep breaths.  


What is strange is the fact that for someone who is just supposed to give people advice she wore a pretty sexed up outfit that would totally defeat the purpose of counseling. All her male customers would be thinking about ripping her uniform off and banging her brains out and knowing it would be really uncomfortable. I guess the reason why they only made her kind of telephatic was that if she knew what the male crew members were thinking she couldn´t walk ten feet in the Enterprise and would never visit the bar. Speaking about the bar, if her role was to give people sage advice why did Guinan do basically the same ? So while still unverified the idea of Deanna Troi not only as the ship´s cleavage but also the ship´s adult entertainment system does have its merit. On the other side we know that the holo deck was used for the same thing. It´s so confusing.


Besides Data Brent Spiner also played Data´s creator, the genius Dr. Noonien Soong as well as his ancestor Dr. Arik Soong on Star Trek : Enterprise with cult siren Jolene Blalock as vulcan babe T´Pol, the sex massage addict with the inbuilt Pon Farr automatic nympho mode.


Under an agreement with the Vulcan High Command and Earths Starfleet T´Pol was placed aboard the NX - 01 Enterprise as Science and Executive Officer, serving under Captain Jonathan Archer. However the hot alien would eventually be brainwashed into " serving under " Commander Charles ' Dubya ' Tucker the Third, while under the effects of Trellium D.


A Trellium - drugged out, semi emotional vulcan love slave with great curves and a killer rack - what's not to like about that ? Her exotic sex appeal transformed Commander Tucker into Commander Fucker who had mul - t´pol orgasms thanks to the ancient forbidden vulcan sexmassages.


I know that T´Pol claimed it was something else but we all know what vulcan " body relaxation massage " really stands for. T´Pol was just needy for Tucker´s earth meatpole because while Phlox gave her the idea to practice the vulcan massage it was T´Pol who went all " Kama Sutra on acid " on Tucker. And she was so turned on by their all night long midnight olympics sex marathon sessions that she had to use the old " it´s just for scientific reasons " schtick to relentlessly bang Tucker into submission.


Coming back to Brent Spiner, he was however never in an episode of Star Trek : Voyager with the inflatable DD Borg playmate with the big melons and a skin tight bodysuit sexborg Seven of Nine played by busty Jeri Ryan.


She celebrates her 49th birthday on the 28th of this month. There were thousand of Star Trek fans who wanted to be ass - imilated or better tit - milated by bodacious Borg sex drone Jeri Ryan and have Sex with Nine.


Jeri´s breasts were so huge that they made her skintight suit darker and darker so you couldn´t see them as good but to no avail. Seven of Nine is THE cyborg sex machine every sci fi fanboy wants to have multiple borg - gasms with ( she´s a literal sex machine who is not only built like a porn star with Jeri Ryan´s hardbody, as a cyborg she has a lot of stamina and endurance and she also can take a lot of punishment so you don´t have to be gentle and you will get a lot of mileage out of this cyber sex amazon ).


Jeri tried her best to make us forget the shortcomings of the writing but couldn´t compensate for a plethora of always darker bodysuits that tried to hide her porn star physique and the always annoying Kate Mulgrew.


But coming back to Brent Spiner, as I have mentioned before he gave his acting debut as Bob Wheeler on Night Court with 80s Power Girl Markie Post and since I already posted that clip and there are almost no good clips from Night Court available on YouTube I wanted to post an episode of the other successful show with Markie Post The Fall Guy where Lee Majors played the lead role of stuntman Colt Seavers ( more about him later ).


Today would also have been the 72nd birthday of Farrah Fawcett who is best known as the quintessential Charlie´s Angel although she left the show after the first season. She also starred in the first Cannonball Run movie and was - drum roll - married to Lee Majors from 1973 to 1982. So I really can´t avoid talking about The Fall Guy and tv beach hardbody Markie Post who provided two of the breast . . . best reasons to watch the show.


But The Fall Guy didn´t just have 80s Power Girl Markie Post they also put blonde bombshell Heather Thomas in the show right from the beginning.


She played stunt body double ( and what a body it was ) Jody and her job was to keep the male viewers hooked by providing eye candy. She was in all episodes except for an episode in the first season. Yes, fan service is not as new as some people might want you to think and Heather Thomas mainly got the part because of her absolutely amazing bikini figure. OMG !


It took a few episodes before she could strut her stuff but once the tv guys got a taste of Heather it happened more often and the famous blue bikini scene was quickly added to the new intro of the second season.



For generations of adolescent young boys the only highlight of the week was the short moment when Heather appeared in her famous blue bikini. Like most growing teenagers I watched that show religiously but the biggest part of its appeal for me were sexbombs like Heather Thomas and Markie Post who didn´t appear as often in a bikini as I would have liked.


Well, Heather Thomas did since that was her main purpose on the show but Markie Post´s appearances in bikinis on The Fall Guy were very few .


Markie Post played bail bonds contractor Terri Michaels ( who replaced previous bail bonds contractor Samantha Jack played by Jo Ann Pflug ) beginning with Season 2 and at the beginning she played a minor role.


One of the producers must have realized what a waste it is to have somebody like Markie on the cast without letting her " show off what her Mama gave her " like they say Today and the rest is 80s tv history. Markie Post got more involved in the stories where she stole the scene from Heather Thomas as soon as she donned a bikini ( mainly in Season 3 ).

 
80s Power Girl Markie Post is probably the best known cult siren on the blog because not only have I done many re - posts of her original post .


I also keep mentioning her in other posts and her original post is in the Top Ten Posts widget that appears on every post. Since I have done so many different versions it is not so tragic that I did not do a re - post last year even though I did the last version of her cult siren entry in 2016 .

Before I watched the honest trailer for Star Trek : The Next Generation I never realized how often Data - casually or intentionally - mentions he´s an android. Which makes him even more human than I thought because he´s just like one of those vegan or gay people who constantly have to annoy their environment with how enlightened they are. This constant need for diversity, representation and instant outside validation is sick.



Coming back to more pleasant things here is a clip from one of the best episodes with Marina Sirtis that gives you an inkling of how her function and wardrobe would have looked like in the original version for the series. 



I could have spent hours going through the videos from The Voice to find a fitting one with Shakira. But I decided not to go through all the trouble even if the song from Die Fantastischen Vier only has a matching title.



Speaking of which, since I already posted all the videos I found about Star Trek comics I went with Love & Rockets even if there is more love than rockets in this underground comic. And this way I get to make up for not mentioning Gilbert Hernandez´ 62nd birthday on the first of February.



There are also not that many animated Star Trek videos out there so I went with a classic show that has at least a name that is in part similar.

And I´m not getting more specific than that because then it is easier for me to replace the video when it gets deleted once again from YouTube.



New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best


Vulcans don´t have honeymoons but human sexuality is one of the many aspects of your species which I´ve been meaning to explore since I left the high command. It is my understanding that your mating ritual is effective in releasing tension. My name is T´Pol, now please disrobe.

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