Thursday, October 31, 2019

It´s a belated Halloween with Kelley Jones

I don´t know why I even bother because no matter how much I prepare for Halloween, every year without fail I always have other stuff to do and when I finally have some time Halloween is already over and all pictures and videos I have collected pile up. So this year I have decided to write a new Halloween post even if I have to do it long after the holiday is over.


And because I always like to kill two birds with one stone this post will be all about Kelley Jones work on the Batman titles. I already wrote three posts about him - two posts in 2016 : one about his Marvel stuff which also included a few other publishers and one about his DC work and a special Batman - centric post on Halloween in 2017 - but I didn´t get to write one last year. So I want to make up for that neglect with this spotlight post.


At first I wanted to do the typical BLACK AND WHITE post with lots of original art pages but then I thought that IF I am doing a Halloween post ( even if I am writing this long after the fact although it will be dated around that time to prevent any further confusion ) why not feature the more creepy art ? Batman´s rogue gallery has always looked like something out of a horror comic so why not post some art with some of his creepy adversaries ( as well as some of his creepy associates ) that fit perfectly into the horror genre like Scarecrow, Clayface, Killer Croc or the Joker ?


Especially the last one seems to be trending heavily since the recent movie - which I am not sure if I am going to see it. Lately the DC movies have not been that great, I was always more interested in the heroes than the villains ( I especially dislike DC´s new trend to paint the villains as heroic, there is a reason why they are villains and not heroes ) and I have never been a big fan of retcon history. Don´t get me wrong, I don´t mind a good retcon as long as you get a good story out of it preferably if it fixes continuity problems. But there is a certain kind of retcon that has zero interest for me which is what happens before the hero´s journey begins.


Now mind you, I am not talking about things like BATMAN : YEAR ONE or DAREDEVIL : MAN WITHOUT FEAR here. Those are important stories and essential to understand where the hero comes from. What I am talking about are things like the GOTHAM tv show which is of zero interest for me. Because I don´t care about what was going on in Gotham BEFORE Bruce Wayne became Batman. Batman has a simple story : parents get killed, son vows revenge, trains for years all over the world and finally becomes the protector of Gotham City. Go ! That´s all you need to know.


You can put in some bits and pieces of backstory when it is important to the present time or if there is a good story in it but otherwise it is TMI. I don´t need it so can we please go on with the story ? On top of that the GOTHAM tv show prevented other shows from using those characters that appeared there - just for all those who wonder why no big name Batman villains like the Penguin, the Riddler, Two - Face or the Joker showed up in last year´s ELSEWHERE crossover. Anyway, what I´m saying is that while Alan Moore and Brian Bolland´s THE KILLING JOKE is a brilliant Batman comic that was compelling that it was changed from an ELSEWHERE story to actual canon I´m not sure if I need a two hour movie that paints one of the most insane criminal and ruthless killer in the Batuniverse as a victim.


I know that there is a reason why he became the Joker but all heroes AND villains arrive at their personal breaking point in life. The only difference is that while the heroes overcome these low points in their lives by rising above it and dedicating their lives to the betterment of mankind the villains put the blame on somebody else and lash out against the entire world. But that is not what I wanted to write about Today ( Although it is why my loyal readers come back, to hear me go on these rants - at least I hope it is. It is hard to tell when you get so little feedback. And yes, this is my unashamed plug to use the comment section at the bottom of this post. ) or anything at all. Since I have already written about Kelley Jones´ stint on the Batman book at length in my first post about his DC work.


Which was not a sprint but a marathon. Kelley Jones became the regular artist with issue 515 and stayed on the title up until issue 552 ( with the usual issues by guest artists : Eduardo Baretto in BATMAN 520, J. H. Williams III in BATMAN 526, and Jim Aparo and Bill Sienkiewicz in BATMAN 533 and 534 ) so he was on the book for a bit over three years, from 1995 to 1998. The whole time Doug Moench was the writer and Doug was even longer on the book, from issue 481 to 559 ( not counting his stint from issue 360 to 400 ). But Kelley Jones´ association with the Dark Knight Detective didn´t end after he left BATMAN because he has worked on a plethora of special Batman projects and mini series the last few decades.


This is usually the moment where I throw in my recommendation of the post but while I have bought the new BATMAN : KINGS OF FEAR hardcover ( this totally deserves the hardcover treatment ) I haven´t had the time to read it yet. One thing I can say : Kelley Jones´ art looks as good as ever.


I still can´t understand why so many fans don´t like his presentation of Batman. But like with all things different people see things differently and some people like to put things into boxes. So when they have Batman firmly in the super hero box they don´t like to see him in the horror / supernatural thriller box. Anyway, I have taken up enough time as it is so let´s get to the rest of the art I selected for this post. A belated Happy Birthday to Kelley Jones and a belated Happy All Hallow´s Eve to you ! 


Lately the celebrity birthdays / pop culture trivia section has become inappropriately long so in this post I am skipping al the non essential ones which makes this quite cult siren heavy. I hope you can still survive this massita maelstrom. We start with the birthdays we missed since the last post which brings us to a prime candidate of female excellene with none other than nubian sex goddess, model, actress and former cheerleader Gabrielle Union who celebrated her 47th birthday on October the 29th.


I don´t know what it is about Gabrielle butt it seems whenever I mention her in my posts I get more readers. I haven´t done a full cult siren post about her butt I always go over the wikipedia entry and the imdb page to find any trivia facts worth mentioning. What I found out is that Gabrielle starred in a series called Night Stalker which is not the classic one of which I have posted a few episodes. The show with Gabrielle Union was not even on my radar so one of these days I will have to find out more about it. All I know so far is that the series has a character named Kolchak.



We are going right to the 30th of October and while we are staying with assential sexbombs that have a body to die for we are making the jump from the United States of America to mi tierra Spain where tv host / reporter / actress / comedian / photo model Cristina Pedroche turned 31.


There are probably very few people in Spain who don´t know who she is ( and the number is even smaller among the male populace ) since she has been constantly on tv screens, first as a guest on Se Lo Que Hicistes then on Otra Movida until she became a fix member of the daily comedy show Zapeando. I have to say it took me a while to take a shine to Cristina but she slowly won me over by wearing bigger and bigger cleavages on her guest appearances. I am not saying that she did it solely for my benefit but it did work. One of the reasons why Cristina has such a huge fan following - besides the fact that she is mas bueno que el pan how we say in spanish - is that she is a geek at heart. She is very outspoken about the things she likes ( even if they are not popular or trending at the moment ) and her proudest moment was not any tv show award she won but that she was honored to do the season kick - off for her favorite soccer team.


Besides her banging bikini body that she is never shy to display and her wardrobe that can only be described as beyond risque the reasons why Cristina is so hugely beloved by the spanish populace is her irresistible smile, the fact that she is up for anything without any concern if she may look stupid and her ability to laugh at herself. She often sings - very badly - on the show and is very aware of it. She just doesn´t care. In short, Cristina is that hot sexbomb next door you always had a crush on who is funny, witty, smart, your best friend and your best lover. Or to quote one of my favorite lines from Sledge Hammer : she will be a wife AND mistress.


I am trying to keep this section short ( I know, epic fail Subzero ) so I only want to mention that I already wrote at length about her in my pre - Halloween post in 2017. Which not only has more animated Cristina Pedroche GIFs and videos than you can shake a you - know - what at but also includes the rest of the celebrity birthdays from October the 30th.


We continue with another hot latina, Giselle Gomez Rolon who also celebrated her 31st birthday that day ( although in Giselle´s case the important number is 34, 34D that is ). With her giant melons she would have been a prime candidate for my SEARCH FOR POWER GIRL series.


Unfortunately I am not doing that anymore but not only is Giselle the living embodiment of the Maid of Mammaries, she also looks exactly like the kind of women I draw. From the proportions - which women don´t tire to tell me are not average to which I always reply that I am not trying to draw average women - down to the hairdo to the way I draw eyes and those crazy, curved eyebrows it´s like one of my drawings came to life.


She even has those bikini tan lines that I find sextremely attractive.

Anyway, the first video I found was from The Toc Show where she was wearing an incredible black short dress and re - enacting Sharon Stone´s famous scene from Basic Instinct. Now as always I was late to the party so I have no idea how the general reaction was but apparently there were some wild rumors. Some people see only what they want to see but contrary to what you may have read there was no wardrobe malfunction.


Since I could not find any good pictures nor GIFs I had to make my own which meant going through the video frame by frame and even though some websites pixelated the shots of Giselle Gomez Rolon I can say without any doubt that she was wearing panties - unlike Sharon Stone ( unless she was using a body double ). And all the people who got upset surely have seen the original scene with Sharon Stone so it´s not like this would have been the first time they saw a woman´s unmentionables.



I have included a new video with the argentinian model and you can find more GIFS and videos of 34D Power Girl Giselle Gomez Rolon in this post .



We continue with another hot sexbomb, the lovely 38D nubian goddess Nia Long who turned 48 which means that if I had sex with her I would still do it with a woman who´s younger than me. Ay, chupate eso, Will Smith !


Of course this will not impress Will Smith since he probably banged her brains out when they were together. Now maybe you have heard of the Mandela Effect - which is in short when people think things happened a certain way when in reality it is not true. But because so many think it is it is considered fact by most people. The truth is that Will´s wife Jada Pinkett Smith was never on The Fresh Price of Bel Air. But they did meet on set. Okay, most people think that Jada then only Pinkett played Will´s girlfriend who tamed him and got him to give up his womanizing ways but while it is true that she auditioned for the role she was considered too short and so the role was given to Nia Long. Personally I would have given the part to Nia in the first place since I think she´s way hotter than Jada.



Anyway, Jada WAS on the set of The Fresh Price of Bel Air because she auditioned for the role of Will´s girlfriend and that´s when she met him.

Of course a big part of that show´s success and continued appeal around the world ( there are probably only a few people on the face of the planet who can´t recite the lyrics to the title song in their sleep ) is Tatyana Ali who grew from a cute little girl into an incredible sexbomb over the course of that series and who got to show her musical skills.


Much to the chagrin of the show´s producers she really bOObed all out in later movie appearances like The Clown at Midnight or Fall Into Darkness .


Now Will Smith has gone on record that the relationship between him and the insanely do - able Tatyana Ali has always been like the relationship between a big brother and his little sister but I don´t believe that he never put her booming tireless teenage body to the test not even once.


Either that or the relationship between a big brother and his little sister and what happens between them at night behind bedroom doors ( or in the shower during the day ) is a lot different where Will Smith grew up.


The only other explanation is that whenever Tatyana Ali got Will hard enough to cut a diamond he vented his pent up sexual energy on one of the other blow up sex dolls on the set like dicktamer Yunoka Doyle. She played Ashley Banks´ bosom buddy Keesha - with a big emphasis on the bosom part - and probably spent the rest of the day after the shooting had ended screaming at the top of her lungs as Will banged her brains out.


The same goes for Nia Long since she and Will also were together in Made in America and if you have seen the movie you know how absolutely do - able Nia looks in that movie. And Will was in his sexual prime. So it´s a sure bet there were some r - rated rehearsals going on in their trailers.


Besides The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Made in America Nia Long is best known for Boyz n the Hood, Friday ( which I have seen both ) and the Big Momma´s House movies which I have not seen. She has some lingerie scenes in the movies but so far seeing Martin Lawrence in women´s clothing has kept me from watching it. I don´t know why so many people think it´s especially funny to see a grown man wearing women´s clothing.

I did see The Best Man and The Best Man Holiday back to back because I was unaware of the first one and only found out about the big brouhaha they made when the second one came out. I think I first heard of this on an episode of The Arsenio Hall Show where the cast appeared and Nia looked like the star of one of those MILFs Like It Big porns that are so popular now. Which is why I knew I already wrote something about her.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8T05N4FjiXYdokbPG0d5EWp1icFKb828jM0YYZZOUWyKcGa4labotsfAmno5SfB6kMuSdRAw8UJA84tYTCYxx17X4q6_07-xvwaXw_Wd0tiQr4y1bALxZ7fI2elpe6Vewnii-/s400/nia+long+sexbomb+30.gif

Longtime readers may remember that I cut off the part with her, Tatyana Ali, Letoya Luckett and Kenya Moore from the post because the upload time for all the animated GIFs was way too long. Ah, the naiivite of youth.



Longtime readers know that one of my pet pevees on this blog is celebrating all the brave actresses who turn insufferable dreck into bearable entertainment by taking their clothes off or at least show what their Mama gave them and who don´t get enough recognition for that .


So I absolutely HAVE to mention a dynamic double D duo from my formative teenage years when I could first watch french tv here in Germany. The first one is european erection guarantee Severine Ferrer who celebrates her 42nd birthday Today. I mentioned her before since she appeared on Dance Academy as the little sister of mega busty Vanessa Demouy ( 34C ) whom I cast as the french super heroine Silver Fox in the first part of my Casting the Justice League of America movie series.


The original title of Dance Academy might have been another since the germans love to change the titles of tv series and especially coming up with new ones that are completely different than the original title. Which makes finding it hopeless as there are dozens of Dance Academy shows. I would like to watch it again not only for Vanessa but also for Severine.


Who was not that little since her booming body was busting out and her perky boobs were stretching out all her t - shirts to the utter delight of all viewers but especially her male co stars who started to constantly drool all over her nubile teenage dream body. I remember vividly that she did get more and more scenes of jumping up and down later in the series as her boobs had grown to that perfect size where they are already big enough to jiggle at the slightest move but not that big that they started to sag.


Now while one reason for including cult sirens in this sections is that I have not mentioned them in a long time ( which is certainly true with Severine and Vanessa ) another one is that there is something new which I have not posted previously. So while it is a welcome opportunity to re - post ultimate bikini babe Vanessa Demouy and teenage sexbomb Severine " Bouncing Action / Look At Me Because My Shirt Is Too Small " Ferrer the real reason is that I found out that Vanessa has done a photoshooting as Tomb Raider´s Laura Croft for a french gaming magazine. Which kind of makes sense because besides being an actress she also worked as a model and apart from having a similar face she also shares Laura´s measurements.


Or at least she did with the original brabusting Laura Croft before SJWs and feminism kept making her breasts smaller and smaller until they turned this beacon of female empowerment into an anorexic, political correct, flat chested millenial. And while I am all for women of all ages and races cosplaying as a character they love and admire without having to suffer body shaming or racial profiling I don´t believe that you have to change the original until it is unrecognizable so little girls can identify with her.


The only thing you achieve with that is destroying a good character and alienate all those fans who made her so popular in the first place. Anyway, I wanted to include a video with Vanessa Demouy as Laura Croft but the only one I found was just a guy reading the gaming magazine pictured above - in french nonetheless - and it wasn´t even shot very interesting.


So I was looking for a video with the original Laura Croft and after getting too many answers to my search " Lara Croft Sexy Cosplay " I typed in " Lara Croft Pole Dance " and got a surprising high number of suggestions.



Now no disrespect to Emy Dawn ( who is the talented lady in the video above ) but her performance looks quite different than the pole dancing routines I have seen lately with other female video game characters.



Of course I only remembered that there was one video I knew of where Laura Croft appeared in her original overdeveloped twin torpedo glory AFTER I had included the videos above. In any case here is Männer sind Schweine ( Men Are Pigs ) by the famous german punk rock band Die Ärzte ( The Doctors although they are nor time - travellers nor from Gallifrey ).



With that we are closing things up with the celebrity birthdays of Today but all those who want to check out all the other anniversaries I have covered in previous year there is a whole avalanche of the ones from October the 30th and October the 31st in last year´s Halloween post about Jim Starlin´s issues of Peter David´s CAPTAIN MARVEL . And speaking about Halloween, before anybody forgets that this is supposed a special holiday themed post here is a video about Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale´s iconic The Long Halloween maxi series. Not just because it ties in to Halloween but also because it is a good example of retroactive continuity that works.


Besides being a classic murder mystery ( which at that time was something that was completely missing from the Bat - titles ) it also fills in some of the blanks in the Batmythos like how Gotham went from being a city that mostly had to deal with mob crime to a town besieged by super villains.



I have to admit I have not seen this movie. I picked the craziest looking film I could find and a vampire motorcycle just seemed to be the ticket.



On the other hand I know that Gargoyles is just the right cartoon to binge watch during Halloween. Although the title of the video is a bit misleading since it does not reveal new or secret tidbits but much rather things that are only new for anybody who has never seen an episode of the tv show.

What apparently the über snarky host Jackie Jennings has never done as it seems they just threw somebody in for female representation ( and for a taste of the right kind of female representation check out her giant sized sweater puppies in the Mystery Men video ) instead of somebody familiar with the subject matter. I don´t say that you have to know everything about anything and can´t do a good job about this kind of topics without previous knowledge. But I have seen a few of these videos ( sadly without encountering a second case of Jackie Jennings stretching out her shirt with her only two talents ) and it seems she never makes even the most minimal effort to familiarize herself with whatever show or movie she talks about. Call me naive or unprofessional but I like to do at least as much research about the stuff I write about that I can get the facts straight.



New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best


Thank God for J - Lo. All of a sudden big asses are de rigeur.

No comments: