TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN: It's Friday Fight Night : Hulk versus Arsenal !

It has taken me longer than expected but we are finally continuing SAL BUSCEMA MONTH and we are still in the period of the intelligent Hulk where Joe Sinnott was doing the inks on THE INCREDIBLE HULK book.

In our last post we ended with issue 277 after the now intelligent Hulk trunched the U - Foes ( again ) who were co - created by Bill Mantlo and Sal Buscema in issue 254 for whom they obviously have a fondness since they used them so often. In fact we will meet them again in a future post as they have a tendency to pop up when you least expect them.

Since I can't post all of Sal Buscema's issues of THE INCREDIBLE HULK we skip the following issues in which the Hulk gets pardoned and they erect a statue in his honour made out of Adamantium and go straight to issues 281 and 282 for Today's pulse pounding action. In issue 281 the secret is out that the leader is at it again and Bruce Banner faces off against him alone. This was of course orchestrated by the leader to evaluate how big of a threat the intelligent Hulk would be to his plans of world conquest.

After being defeated by the leader's rubber creatures Bruce slums about Avengers mansion where he is seriously questioning if intelligence may not lower the Hulk's effectiveness and reconnecting with his favourite cousin Jennifer Walters a. k. a. She - Hulk but they don't have long for a heartfelt family reunion as they are attacked by Arsenal ( not the Titan from DC Comics who before that went under the codename Speedy ).

As mentioned above the last encounter between the robot unit Arsenal and the Avengers happened in AVENGERS ANNUAL 9 - which was also written by Bill Mantlo - and wonderfully drawn by Don Newton who is one of these mindblowing artists who sadly has not done nearly enough work. That may be a contributing factor to why he is so underrated, overlooked or even straight out forgotten nowadays and which in turn prompted me to write two posts about his tenure on the Batman books .

Coming back to the Hulk, he does his best to fight Arsenal but he is no match for the rampaging robot. At least until he knocks out She Hulk which ticks off Bruce Banner - who is now in control of the Hulk - who then teaches Arsenal that you don't mess with family without retribution.

With renewed self esteem and a hankering to pop the leader's giant head like a big, green pimple Hulk, She Hulk and the rest of the Avengers are off to face Mister Big Head - in space - and we will wrap this story up in our next Sal Buscema spotlight which will hopefully go online Tomorrow.

Nuff said.

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Of course regular blog visitors are already familiar with 1980s 46E ( !!! ) - 23 - 37 sex symbol extraordinaire Brigitte Nielsen since I mentioned her in the first post about italian pop sensation Sabrina Salerno and in my MOVIE RUMMAGE TABLE WITH EDDIE MURPHY SPECIAL post . She was one of the busty centerfolds alongside Angela Cavagna, Danuta Lato or - most famously - Samantha Fox who tried to turn her notoriety into vinyl gold.

So she wanted to cash in on that popularity and tried her luck together with Falco from Vienna best known for his worldwide number 1 single ROCK ME AMADEUS. They sang BODY NEXT TO BODY although Brigitte Nielsen´s real contribution to the video clip was shaking her enormous moneymakers in a little black shirt that was barely bigger than a napkin.

I remember staying up late at night way beyond my bedtime to secretly tape the video because they did not show it on Mtv before midnight.

With a body made for xxx movies Brigitte set out to conquer Hollywood where the ultimate love making machine slam - banged the Terminator's circuits out like there is no Tomorrow. After polishing Conan's giant sword she defeated swedish Uebermensch Ivan Drago through sexual knockout and became Mistress of the Universe turning He - Man into her Boy - Toy.

Finally she went the distance with Rocky's rockhard boner lasting much more than the obligatory fifteen rounds and engaged in grueling all out position warfare against Rambo dicktaming Alex Foley along the way.

But while her absolute domination in Tinseltown's bedrooms was without question it didn't translate into box office success and while she starred in a few good movies she had to resort to showcasing her nude body in a few lesser skin flicks much to the delight of Brigitte's drooling male fans.

A movie that deserves its bad rep is Beverly Hills Cop 2 not only because it´s the best example of how Hollywood used to make sequels - do the same as in the first movie just add more movie stars and more explosions without understanding why the original formula worked - but also for the blatant misuse of sexual stallion Brigitte Nielsen who was in her prime.

I mean as bad as Cobra ( or City Cobra as it was called in Germany ) was at least it had a photo session with Busenwunder Brigitte. Somehow she never managed to fulfil her obvious potential as a superior Sexbombe.

Now it´s been a while since I last saw the first two Beverly Hills Cop movies ( I have seen the third one once and you couldn´t pay me enough to watch it again ) and I don´t know if it´s old age or if they cut in in the german version ( for which I could not find any proof at the websites where censored movies are listed ) but while I can vividly remember the scene at a strip club in the first movie I completely blanked on the fact that there was a scene at a strip club in the second Beverly Hills Cop.

I wasn´t able to find out the name of the real life stripper in Beverly Hills Cop, only that she recommended the song that plays in that scene, Nasty Girl by Vanity. I did however find out the names of the two women who play the strippers in Beverly Hills Cop 2. The first is Teal Roberts and she strut her stuff in the 1984 comedy Hardbodies and The Last Boy Scout with afro american natural born 40E - 25 - 37 stripper Halle Berry .

The other stripper was played by Miss Nude World 1981 and PLAYBOY´s Playmate of the Month in January 1990 Peggy McIntaggart which for me is especially annoying because I have featured her a few times on the blog always mentioning that she not only appeared in a lot of PLAYBOY videos thanks to her stunning 40E - 23 - 35 measurements, she played one of the strippers in Beverly Hills Cop II, Maggie in Lady Avenger, Keela in Phoenix the Warrior and also was in the obligatory Baywatch episode.

With boobs bigger than Big Barda , the sexual attraction of Power Girl , the rampant libido of slutty Catwoman, longer legs than the leather clad black bra outfit 90s prostitute Wonder Woman drawn by Mike Deodato Jr. and the overt sexuality of the OG Starfire by Marv Wolfman and George Perez ( not the toned down versions of the cartoons and tv shows ) you might think it would be child's play to put Brigitte in a comicbook movie.

Able to leap onto huge pulsating horsecocks in a single bound herself, getting strange visitors from an extinct civilization hard like unto a thing of iron faster than a speeding bullet, pound their strangely formed but surprisingly effective at making earth women climax ( almost as if aliens have been visiting earth to use women for sex - periments for countless centuries ) extremely flexible appendages without mercy like a powerful locomotive and making those big tentacles squirt a strange white liquid that when coming into contact with exposed human skin could turn even the most chaste nun into a deepthroat addicted and horny nympho slut without end like a mighty river having her become the undefeatable superheroine she was between the sheets on film should have been a no brainer but her luck with comicbook movies wasn´t much better either.

Her She Hulk movie ( which as bad as it could have turned out would have still been much better than the tv show we finally got ) didn´t make it out of the planning stage and her Red Sonja movie is really bad.

First off since the movie studio already had to pay Marvel Comics for usage of the character of Red Sonja created by writer Roy " The Boy " Thomas and artist Barry Windsor - Smith they didn' want to pay the heirs of Robert E. Howard for using Conan The Barbarian so instead they called him Kalidor and turned him into a wishy - washy Conan light milktoast.

Which was a big problem because he was featured prominently on the movie poster so people expected to get a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Red Sonja while he was only a secondary character. The second big problem - at least for the comicbook fans - was that the producers of the movie also didn't go for Red Sonja's iconic itsy - bitsy chain mail bikini and instead gave her a costume that covered up a lot of Brigitte Nielsen's fantastic hardbody which also robbed the movie of a lot of its potential.

One thing that always bugged me about Red Sonja was that her origin didn´t make much sense. In the comicbook she was granted superior strength as long as she was undefeated by men in battle. Which means that in the case when she needed more strength the most - namely when some guy got the upper hand on her - the goddess would deny her that.

Which for me is just a sexual assault waiting to happen. It´s almost like this goddess wanted the biggest, longest, hardest, baddest, most brutal and perverted delinquents to use Sonja like a cheap blow up sex doll.

Speaking of Brigitte Nielsen's bonerinducing pornstar body, somebody who immediately realized her potential was Arnold Schwarzenegger who went on record in his memoirs that he used Brigitte like a blow up sex doll during the shooting of Red Sonja - which added more fuel to the already heated rivalry between the Terminator and Sylvester Stallone.

Because not only were they in a competition who would be the bigger action star and earn the bigger box office, Arnold also was infamous for duping Sylvester Stallone into making movies that he knew would be flops like Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot ! and now he banged the living daylights out of a sex goddess that Sylvester was interested in taming.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger ended his sexual encounters with Brigitte she immediately set out to turn Sylvester into her docile italian breeding stallion and to get his attention Brigitte lured Dolph Lundgren to a secret meeting at a hidden five star hotel that ended in a sexual knockout since the nympho amazon almost slam - fucked the hunky giant into a coma.

After that her next step was getting a personal meeting with Sylvester Stallone by slipping a nude picture of herself with her phone number under his hotel room door which quickly got her the results she wanted.

During what would be only the first of dozens of penetration sensation orgies she lulled him into a false sense of security by being submissive and letting him use and abuse her in any position using the stamina she acquired as a swimmer and her ability to spread her legs better than a phillipino hooker to make him even more excited so he lasted longer.

But once she had gotten what she wanted from him and everything she needed was put into their marriage contract she began to become more aggressive and dominant in the bedroom milking his balls completely dry.

Sex machine Brigitte literally banged Sylvester's brain out six ways to Sunday in the worst way because after their divorce Sylvester claimed to have suffered from temporary insanity during their heated relationship.

The yellow press often claimed that Brigitte just used Sylvester but they didn't know that besides boosting her career tremendously she also used him like a sex toy - keep in mind that Brigitte towers at 6 foot 2 over Sylvester Stallone with 5 foot 10 - during their endless squirt sessions.

Not that I think Sylvester minded being dicktamed by men - milking machine Brigitte in their epic hardcore sex many positions in orgies.

I mean, which red blooded male wouldn't love to be used as a walking dildo by awesome danish amazon Brigitte Nielsen during her prime ?

Especially once her already huge melons were pumped up even bigger after Sylvester slipped the plastic surgeon a huge wad of cash to change the breast implants for the XXXL - sized 46E deluxe package so he could massage his rockyhard boner with her new double airbags. That must have made Sylvester even more enthusiastic about breaking in Brigitte.

Because he had to keep in shape for his movies Sylvester was also at his physical peak and Brigitte has gone on record that he would constantly and relentlessly pound her like a jackrabbit during the mating season.

Sylvester Stallone once was asked if he was the richest man in Hollywood to which he replied that he definitely had the richest ex - wife. Indeed Brigitte Nielsen got a whopping 6 mil out of her 19 month marriage but initially it was going to be 2. This changed drastically after an intense 6 hour long double breasted deepthroat dick massage session followed by a weekend long fuck marathon at a six star hotel that Brigitte subjected Sylvester Stallone's lawyer to who was only more than happy to triple it.

To that end Brigitte also had to agree to be his personal blow up sex doll for a month which she thought would be a piece of cake but she never read the fine print in the contract about her sexual arrangement with that lawyer which stated that the guy was allowed to include guests in the uninhibited fuck parties as long as they took place at the weekends.

Which the guy took full advantage of by inviting at least half a dozen of horny teenaged juvenile delinquents and other serial rapists in training at their sexual prime who really went fuck crazy banging Brigitte's brains out six ways to Sunday in an attempt to dicktame her into submission.

Especially the last weekend of that month seemed to last forever as six diplomats from a part of Afrika that holds the Guiness Book world record for men with the biggest cocks who had to restrain themselves because most women could not take their full giant - sized boners took turns at completely wearing their monstercocks out on Brigitte who was writhing in convulsions and foaming at the mouth with her eyes rolled back in her head as the relentless assault stretched her out beyond her limits almost drowning the helpless Busenwunder in a never - ending torrent of cum.