Initially I wanted to include this in the Dan DeCarlo glamour girl post but then I decided to extend the part about cult siren Joan Severance a bit and do separate posts for the celebrity birthdays of December the 24th since we have two comic related ones that will probably need room.
Our first one is writer Mark Millar who celebrates his 51st birthday Today and so far I don´t seem to have included him in any of my birthday lists. I guess because I was too busy with other Christmas stuff to which he probably must be used to since it´s never good to have a birthday on a holiday. Especially when that holiday has something to do with presents.
Because people already have to get a present for you because of the holiday and when you say that you should get at least two presents - one for the holiday and one for your birthday - it sounds like being greedy. I know it from my sister who has a birthday a few days after a holiday and some family members don´t put so much effort into her birthday presents because she already got some presents from the holiday. Now I don´t pretend to know what it´s like to have a birthday on a holiday but I can somehow relate because my birthday always falls into the vacation season.
So even if I would have given a birthday party - which I never did - nobody would have been able to attend because all classmates were on vacation.
I don´t know if this caused any childhood trauma with Mark Millar but it wouldn´t surprise me. I haven´t included him in previous birthday lists but I´m sure I have written about his various comic series over the years.
Usually I just use ye olde " copy / paste " schtick but it would take too long to go through all of my old posts to find some short sentences. So I have to do it from scratch and hope I am not repeating myself too often.
We are starting with the comicbook series which have been adapted to movies since these are the best known ones and then work our way through to the proper books which have found their way to screening platforms. The first one is of course KICKASS with art by John Romita Jr. - one of my favorite artists - and inks by Tom Palmer . To tell the truth I probably wouldn´t have brought these two together because Tom can ink very realistic while John Romita Jr. has a somewhat cartoonier art style.
But in this case it works really well together and helps keep the adventure grounded in a realistic setting. I guess I am something of a KICKASS purist because I have only read the original trilogy. For me it just doesn´t work when it´s not drawn by John Romita Jr. and also when it´s full of some SJW bs. Or if it´s a girl. Not because it´s a girl ( because there is a lot of potential there for interesting developments as I like nothing better than a girl that´s well - developed in all the right areas ) but because that´s basically the premise of Hit Girl. Kickass as a chick only effective.
So why not just make another HIT GIRL series instead of turning Kickass into a girl ? That´s the same stupid thing like they did with Thor. When will they learn that it just. Does. Not. Work ? You can give Jane Foster Thor´s rank and hammer and call her the new Thor but that doesn´t make her Thor. Thor is not a title it´s a name. It´s Thor´s name and you can use it but that does not make you Thor. The same way another person MIGHT call himself or herself Kickass but that does not make them Kickass. There is only one and many other super heroes may use the name but they will be only Kickass 2, Kickass Light, Kickass 2.0 or Iron Kickass but that´s it.
Speaking of Hit Girl, that was the best part of the KICKASS movies : the curvaceous Chloe Grace Moretz. And I´m not only saying that because she turned into quite the well - developed blonde babe herself, hubba hubba.
In the comics you ask yourself how realistic it is for a father to train his daughter as the ultimate weapon of vengeance but Chloe delivers such a stellar performance that you just go with it. Also she´s fierce as Hit Girl.
I liked both movies of KICKASS - even though they changed a few things from the original comicbooks - and I´m not sure if there is a third one.
Mark Millar´s second best known movie franchise that is based on a comicbook is KINGSMAN or how it was originally called SECRET SERVICE.
Here he again collaborated with a comicbook heavyweight, none other than Dave Gibbons who is best known for his collaboration with Alan Moore on the seminal comicbook series WATCHMEN ( yup, I´m saying comicbook series and not graphic novel because it is not a graphic novel, it was first released as a twelve issue mini series so stop calling it a graphic novel ). Hmmm, from WATCHMEN to KINGSMAN. Maybe Dave Gibbons should only work on comicbook series with the word " man " in them. Well, maybe not because then we wouldn´t have gotten such a great series like MARTHA WASHINGTON. A lot of people just focus on DAREDEVIL , DAREDEVIL : BORN AGAIN, MAN WITHOUT FEAR, ELEKTRA ASSASIN, BATMAN : THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, BATMAN : YEAR ONE or his independent stuff like 300 and SIN CITY when they talk about Frank Miller - which is all good and well - but they completely forget some of his other stuff like Martha Washington. Anyway, Dave Gibbons worked on a few stellar series and while I like the KINGSMAN movies the comic is not as mindblowing. I don´t like to say it but this is one of the few instances where the story works better on the big screen than in the comicbook.
Don´t get me wrong, it´s an entertaining read but it´s just works so much better in the cinema. And they even got Halle Berry as a spy in the second one who would be the best spy ever. I mean the main job of a female spy is using her body to get sensitive information and which red blooded guy could refuse any information to 36C - 26 - 37 blow up sex doll Halle Berry ?
Speaking on the sexiest woman on the planet, I´m still pretty miffed that the movie going audience didn´t get to see Halle Berry in the adaption of WANTED when J. G. Jones clearly drew Halle Berry into the comicbook.
I mean, Angelina Jolie is okay when full and juicy blowjob lips are your thing but who ever thought she would be an adequate substitute for nubian sex goddess Halle Berry must be really living in his own world.
Which most Hollywood guys probably do. I´m not sure if it would have saved the movie since I don´t like either the comicbook nor the movie.
With the comic I didn´t like the story because a.) I am more interested in heroes than in villains so a series that is all about villains is not really my type of favorite comicbook, and b.) the hero - or at least protagonist - has to have at least one redeeming quality or he has to evolve into a better version of himself. In the comic you have none of that, the main character is not someone to root for and in the end he is a worse person than in the beginning. In the movie we had only more of the same and they even cut out a lot of the super hero science fiction elements so they would not scare away the audience. So, yep, neither my favorite comic nor my favorite movie. But to think that we could have had something like this.
Longtime readers know that Halle Berry is one of my all time wet sex fantasies so not only does she appear in my Justice League of America movie casting she had even four solo posts . But of course it was only a question of time before I added some new ones so last year I wrote four more : the first one about Halle Berry in her best movies , the second one on Halle Berry´s comic book movies , part three about my dream comic book movie casting with Halle Berry and the unexpected bonus round .
Halle Berry did a remarkable sexy dance ( not a striptease as she didn´t take her clothes off ) in The Last Boy Scout , teased us in Catwoman and finally delivered in Password : Swordfish and completely redeemed herself in Monster´s Ball where she milked Thornton´s rock hard Billy Bob totally dry in front of the entire crew. Which nobody really got to see since they censored it more than three times - about which I wrote a special post .
FOR THE ROLE HALLE MILKED MARC FORSTER´S MONSTER BALLS DRY
And to think that one of the best sex scenes in film history almost didn´t happen. The director Marc Forster originally didn´t cast Halle Berry in the female lead role because he thought she was too beautiful and while he knew the natural born blow up sex doll could easily deliver some Last Boy Scout type strip action and had already bared her boobs in Password : Swordfish he didn´t think she would be willing to do explicit sex scenes.
Thankfully Halle´s manager secretly slipped her the script and Halle got in contact with the director and had several talks and long, private meetings with him. We do not know exactly to which kind of depraved hardcore midnight sex olympics Halle Berry subjected Marc Forster to during the meetings to convince him that she had the necessary skills to believably portray a prostitute. But she must have dicktamed him six ways to Sunday to wear him down and let all of her nymphomanic urges out because after the third weekend long ejaculation sex marathon Halle Berry got the role.
And according to one of her ex - lovers this is her second nature : Halle Berry is a kinky sex freak. She used me as her boy toy. She deepthroated me for hours to give me a giant erection and then rode relentlessly on my rock hard member in a dentist´s chair with her huge breasts pounding against me until she had multiple orgasms. Sounds like my kind of woman.
In the bedroom I take control because looks are not enough to make a fella stay faithful : you must bang his brains out. You have to be a friend, be independent , be a lady and shy but you need to be a total sex freak in the bed and milk his dick - make him squirt until he´s completely dry.
I guess at this point we have to address the elephant in the room which is OLD MAN LOGAN. Faithful followers of TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN know that I am not a fan of the original comic series ( Not the graphic novel. Again, I don´t know why everybody insists on calling every good run or trade a graphic novel nowadays ... that´s not true ... I know exactly why they make it. But after so many years of successful comicbook movie adaptations you might think that creators would finally have the chuzpe to say : " No. I didn´t create a graphic novel. I made an honest to God comicbook and if anybody has a problem with that there is the door so f - word yourself. I won´t apologize for creating a great work of art. " but no they still must pander to the largely non comicbook reading audience. )
Anyway, while I don´t like the comicbook version of OLD MAN LOGAN - for many of the same reasons that I don´t like WANTED ... and what the heck is up with this farm Logan has in the comic ? Nothing grows there. How can you have a farm where nothing grows ? When you see the original pencils you see that Steve McNiven drew fields full of green wheat but Mark Millar made him take it out and draw a desolate desert instead since it looks more like a barren and dystopian future. Even when the whole farm thing stops making sense - pardon my Talking Heads reference. That is one comic I just can´t wait to expunge from my comicbook collection.
But anyway, while I don´t like the comicbook I love the movie and I was so glad when I heard that they would just base it loosely on the original comicbook series. Which in Hollywood terms means : " We are going to keep the title beacuse it sells and brings in the customers but aside from that we are going to throw away anything else we can. " So the movie turned out fantastic and it´s one of Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman´s best works. Whether you like him or not, you have to give Hugh Jackman credit for keeping the X - Men franchise alive for decades. Even if his x - tremely x - citing portrayal of everybody´s favorite canucklehead means that we haven´t gotten an adequate version of Cyclops in the movies.
Which in turn made the writers of the comic lazy turning him into an uninteresting and bland character. Cyclops is just the best X - Man of all times and there was a time when comic people remembered that fact.
Now what else should I mention ? I always habe the impression I´m forgetting something but because my brain is completely drained at this point - and we have another candidate - I´m going spitfire bullet points.
And if there is anything that´s really important we can get to it next year.
Okay, let´s do this. AUTHORITY. A good run. Not as groundbreaking as the first issues but still good plus it had the censored issues by Arthur Adams.
ULTIMATES. Now this was a real game changer and it also was the first one that cast Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Here it worked much better than with Halle Berry. I have the first three series as issues and the first two as the oversized hardcovers. While I have no problem selling the singel issues I would like to keep the two hardbacks if I can. MARVEL KNIGTS : SPIDER - MAN. Okay, this is a weird one. It has some nice pictures by Terry Dodson but the story is strange and doesn´t make a lot of sense especially in the scene with the high school reunion where Peter Parker´s old classmates apparently never noticed how hot dicktaming redhead Mary Jane was .
CIVIL WAR. We can´t forget CIVIL WAR. That´s a fantastic story with some great scenes for Spider - Man but especially Captain America that showed the younger comicbook reading audience that he is not the government tool everybody makes him out to be. Besides leading to one of the best spin - off series of all times THE INITIATIVE which shone a big light on a lot of interesting b - list and c - list characters it also had a good way to undo the damage of Spider - Man revealing his secret identity to the public.
Too bad they completely forgot this three issues later. Anyway, CIVIL WAR had - despite what critics and comic afficionados said at first - really long reaching repercussions. It also led to one of the last good Disney Marvel movies. Speaking of movie adaptions there is also SUPERMAN : RED SON.
Here the comic was better than the animated version. Sorry if I forgot one. JUPITER`S LEGACY. I have only read the first trade because it felt to me that instead of experiencing the story I was given the cliff notes so it stayed completely uninteresting with no concern for the protagonists.
And I guess we have covered pretty much everything I have to say about Mark Millar and his work in comicbooks and the respective adaptions into movies at this moment. I - obviously - didn´t think it would be quite this long but there are still a few topics we could explore further when we revisit this topic next year. Since I don´t think that I will be mentioning her in any other posts I´m seizing the opportunity to post some of the best movie scenes of the delightful Chloe Grace Moretz. She turned into quite the massita caliente and I predict we will be seeing more of her.
Since I also mentioned the works of Frank Miller in this post here is another video about one of his most groundbreaking and influential comicbook series ( also it is not a graphic novel since it was first published in serialized form ) ever Batman : The Dark Knight Returns.
Now we have to be clear, Wolverine clearly broke the guy code and I´m not talking about " Bros before hoes. " here but that you don´t go after another guy´s woman. Which Wolverine did in the movies even more so than in the comics because Jeannie was clearly Scott´s woman. And we will get back to the subject of Cyclops and his mistreatment in the movies towards the end of the post. But Wolverine is not the only one who has broken the guy code and I have to say if the woman in question is hot hasian penetration sexsation Jenny Babas I don´t know what I would do.
As promised I am slowly posting all the videos about Germany that are not about comicbooks and movies because I have no further use for them.
It is one thing to post videos about Germany when I am living here but it doesn´t make much sense when I have moved somewhere else. Like the Doctor said, we are constantly evolving and that´s a good thing as long as we keep moving forward. Or in other words I can´t live my life backwards.
Around the holidays the old classics are always shown on german tv so here is Gulliver´s Travels. This is a rather recent version with Ted Danson in the role of Lemi Gulliver and other such illustrous actors / actresses amongst it´s cast like Omar Sharif, Peter O´Toole, Mary Steenburgen and afro american 34C - 25 - 34 aphrodite Karyn Parsons best known as bimbo knockout Hilary Banks on the 90s hit sitcom The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.
Of course a big part of that show´s success and continued appeal around the world ( there are probably only a few people on the face of the planet who can´t recite the lyrics to the title song in their sleep ) is Tatyana Ali who grew from a cute little girl into an incredible sexbomb over the course of that series and who got to show her musical skills .
Much to the chagrin of the show´s producers she really bOObed all out in later movie appearances like The Clown at Midnight or Fall Into Darkness .
Now Will Smith has gone on record that the relationship between him and the insanely do - able Tatyana Ali has always been like the relationship between a big brother and his little sister but I don´t believe that he never put her booming tireless teenage body to the test not even once.
Either that or the relationship between a big brother and his little sister and what happens between them at night in the bedroom ( or under the shower during the day ) is a lot different where Will Smith grew up.
The only other explanation is that whenever Tatyana Ali got Will hard enough to cut a diamond he vented his pent up sexual energy on one of the other blow up sex dolls on the show. Like dicktamer Yunoka Doyle who played Ashley´s " bosom buddy " Keesha on with a big emphasis on the " bosom " part. She probably spent the rest of the day after the shooting had ended screaming at the top of the lungs as Will banged her brains out.
Okay, last time I had a few problems with the right phrasing but I think I got it now. It ain´t Christmas until ... well, I can´t say " the fat lady sings " and it also isn´t " the lady with the oversized breasts sings " but how does " it isn´t really Christmas until afro american aphrodite and literal cult siren Mariah ( I´m not a moaner I´m a screaming Mimi ) Carey rings in the holiday season with her giant sized 39DD Christmas glitter balls. " sound ?
That´s one thing you can always look forward to : Mariah Carey knows how to throw a Christmas bash and her outfits are always dope. I was hoping that her huge melons would fall out of her generous cleavage but even without that her breasts alone are worth the price of admission. Man, she can polish my candy cane with her juicy jingle bells anytime she wants.
Staying on the subject of big balls but in a completely different context arte has uploaded a few of their documentaries on YouTube so I am trying to post them before they get deleted again. Here we have another hero from my childhood, Charles Bronson - The Toughest Guy in Hollywood.
We continue the Christmas themed videos with Viaje Al Centro De La Tele, a tv program narrated by Santiago Segura ( best known for his Torrente movies ) that takes a nostalgic look at the history of spanish tv.
Since I missed a lot of that it´s a show I really enjoy ( I only wish they would show more ultimate spanish sexbombs ) so let´s hope the video stays longer on YouTube than the last episodes of the show I bookmarked.
With the new YouTube guidelines it´s difficult to post anything with a more adult content so I guess the animated pole dancers from Dead Or Alive is as much as one can hope for. Although I have to say that a few similar videos have been blocked. I don´t know what makes this one especially SAFE FOR WORK but it´s definitely not the outfit. By the way Yaya, if you are looking for a new outfit to cosplay - or want to do a special Christmas video just for me - you don´t need to look any further.
Coming from computer generated strippers to real ones, regular visitors to the blog may remember this mega busty blonde go go dancer from the german music show Eurotops whom I featured in my first post about Joe Madureiras BATTLE CHASERS . I actually found another video with her.
I don´t know how long this video will stay on YouTube but you better enjoy it as long as it lasts. I know the quality is not the best but we are lucky to have even that. Beyond the video any information about her as well as websites where I can find out more about her are most welcome.
Finding an appropriate cartoon video can be a specially challenging task and sometimes I opt for a new show that I haven´t featured yet instead of one that would fit the topic of the post better if I have already posted a clip. I leave it to you to decide what is the case with Mythic Warriors.
Something that always pops up around these holidays is the Star Wars Christmas Special - no matter how hard George Lucas tries to destroy all copies - and since there are always those out there foolish enough to watch it here is a warning from the good fellas at Honest Trailers. I implore you, no matter how bad you might think the latest movie trilogy was ( and let´s face it : it was one giant train wreck from start to finish ) this is even worse. If you feel the need to satisfy your curiosity please watch this first as your time is better spent watching the second season of The Mandalorian. Now that show is what I call Star Wars done right.
Christmas is also the time for concerts on tv - at least in Germany - and the best one I can think of naturally is with my all time wet sex dream the living blow up doll that walks a.k.a. the best body in showbiz, Janet " All Night - Don´t Stop " Action Jackson ( who has three solo posts on the blog plus three entries in my Justice League cast ) who is a well known sex nymfomaniac and insists on inspecting all new employees - orally.
The video is from her Number Ones - Up Close And Personal tour ( when will this come out on Blue Ray ? ) and I actually have two of this so I am putting the other one in another post. One of Janet´s stage outfits is her infamous silver space suit which pushes her big, juicy chocolate boobs up to her chin so she is always seconds away from a wardrobe malfunction.
Sadly this didn´t happen - although there were reports that claimed that during a concert in Singapore her indomitable breasts busted the zipper and broke loose - but you can find all kinds of neat stuff about natural born stripper superstar Janet Jackson in this birthday post from 2016.
It´s no secret that Janet Jackson was predestined to play a stripper not only because of her incredibly fit and flexible pornstar hardbody which could have earned her a fortune as one of the biggest super stars in the adult entertainment industry but also because she has some incredible stripper moves that make real striptease pros envious . Which nasty Miss Jackson more than proved in Jermaine Dupri´s music video Gotta Getcha where Janet plays one extremely busty stripper dressed up as a school girl or teacher . I don´t know if the script explicitly said " busty stripper " but with her huge DD melons it´s the only kind Janet can believably portray.
I always knew that Janet was a sex freak ( Janet admitted to joining the Mile High Club and is a well known size queen ) and although the rumors that Bobby Brown banged her in the 80s might not be true it is much more believable that she used Justin Timberlake as her sextoy and dumped him after a month of steamy sex marathons . According to Justin it took Janet an hour to get in my pants after we first hooked up and she was so wild in bed that I didn´t know how to handle it. I was falling in love with Miss Jackson but during our get - togethers she only wanted to have sex.
I don´t think of myself as sexy but I am a very sexual being, I always have sex on my mind. I feel very comfortable with it and I think it´s great if a guy has a good sized package. I know the effect my body has on guys so I sometimes use it to get especially well hung guys into my bedroom where I tie them to the bed and bang their brains out in a marathon sex orgy.
I go completely crazy and make them squirt again and again until they are completely drained. I regret doing it but I´ll turn around and do it again.
Man, now that she´s getting divorced all the horny perverts around the world are hoping to dicktame this ASSential afro - american aphrodite six ways to Sunday. But they will only be used by blowjob addict Janet as her personal sex toys since she has a lot of pent up sexual energy and will go on a sperm extraction spree, massaging huge monstercocks with her giant boobs, deepthroating schlongs left and right until they squirt like crazy.
Since we are already in Singapore we are staying in that part of the globe with Bruce Lee´s martial arts classic Fist Of Fury or how it is called in Germany Deadly Greeting From Shanghai. I´m not kidding, that´s the german title Todesgrüße aus Shanghai. Man, I think I´m going to miss those completely ridicuous and random german movie titles after all.
Remember when I said earlier that I prefer a new cartoon video that I have not featured yet to one that would more fit the topic but from which I have already posted an episode ? Well, sometimes I do get to do both.
Apropos martial arts, just in time before season 3 of Cobra Kai here is the Karate Kid live q & a with Ralph Macchio, William Zabka and Martin Kove.
You think I have already forgotten about redeeming Cyclops, don´t you ?
Well, this was just a clever ploy to lull you into a false sense of security before giving you my Sunday punch. Like Cyclops I am a master tactician and while I could write an entire post about why Cyclops is the best X - Man I have found a video that explains it at length. When I started reading Chris Claremont and John Byrne´s iconic X - Men run ( in spanish since the issues hadn´t been published in Germany ) Cyclops quickly became one of my favorite characters and one of the complaints people have about him is one I don´t get. Cyclops does have a sense of humor. It´s just more of a dry, deadpan, Dad jokes kind of humor and the german equivalent is the Kalauer. Now I myself am a big fan of Kalauer and one of my instructors when I was doing my course for management assistant in wholesale and foreign trade always cracked up when I shot out those deadpan zingers.
Who also got the short shrift of the stick in the X - Men movies was Storm which was even worse because she was portrayed by none other than the sexiest woman on the planet, Halle Berry ( daimn, she would always get the long shrift of my stick ). What the sprock went wrong here ? We got one of the sexiest x - women ever played by a nubian sex goddes with the body of a playmate of the year who not only showed her stripper skills on screen but also has done live sex in front of the camera, a veritable Oscar winning actress. And all she gets to do is give Hugh Jackman his clues.
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