TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN: Starting Christmas early, but finishing late

I probably should not start a new post before finishing the last two but I wanted to put some new content on the blog to prove that I am still alive.

Also, with the time my laptop functions dwindling down each day I better start now if I want to have a new post ready for the Christmas holidays.

Now the regular blog visitors may have noticed that there has not been much activity since August - apart from a few thing added here and there to the last two posts plus the completely overhauled Mikayla Demeiter cult siren post where I was forced to remove all her pictures - and I would like to tell you that was because I put my papers and documents in order. But while I have indeed have been busy with what I like to call " life stuff " various factors have prevented me from making any significant headway.

But that is not what Today´s post is about. If there is enough interest I can elaborate a bit further on the pitfalls of spanish bureaucracy but on this Sunday I am trying to spread a little of that olde Christmas spirit.

Which is kind of difficult for me since I am not really feeling it myself.

Aside from the fact that this year has been one constant heap of crap piled upon another even bigger pile of crap every aspect of my life has self destructed in an incessant pace. Another reason is that this year really flew by quickly even if at times it felt like 2021 couldn´t end soon enough.

Somehow I have lost all feeling of time so it feel unreal that we are in the final lap. One thing may be that this time I won´t be able to celebrate the holidays with the whole family - those still alive - but truth to tell the last few years my brother, my Mom and me were pretty much celebrating alone while my other brother and my sister only dropped by for a day or two.

And I miss things. Not only my entire comicbook collection, all my BlueRays and DVDs, music CDs, book, clothes, drawings but also the simple things in life like good public transportation, sweet and sour pickles, Spezi, fast food or any kind of food to go in a normal distance, a functioning laptop, a table where I can draw or a bed that doesn´t break every time I sneeze.

You know, these kind of things. Also - and I can´t believe I am saying this - but the weather here in Spain is too warm. Don´t get me wrong, it does get cold these days, especially at night. My daily routine at the moment is to turn off the heating in the morning and open the blinds so the power of the sun can heat up the room. And once the sun has gone down I have to remember to turn on the heating otherwise it is way too cold to sleep.

Yes, it does get cold but nowhere near to what I am used from Germany and definitely without any snow. Now in Germany we had the so - called " Altweibersommer " ( I think in Amerika it is called Indian Summer ) where you have temperatures like in the summer in late fall. But here we have temperatures like we would have in the summer in Germany in the middle of winter. I mean this is what the streets look now around these parts.

I AM watching a lot of Christmas movies on YouTube ( or rather a lot of people on YouTube watching Christmas movies for the first time, since coming to Spain I have kind of become addicted to reaction videos ) but that rather reminds me on all the things I am missing out on. I have already procured LITTLE LORD FAUNTLEROY and DINNER FOR ONE but I still haven´t managed to get a decent copy of DREI HASELNÜSSE FÜR ASCHENBRÖDEL.

There are also the presents. Longtime readers already know that I gave up expecting to get decent presents from my family decades ago and have become accustomed to buy my own Christmas presents - before or after the holidays. Right now I am waiting on an order from my old emergency online comicbook shop ANDIS COMICEXPRESS ( and transfering the money was an adventure all by itself ) and I have another outstanding shipment from BLACK DOG COMICS which includes what would be my present to myself. If that doesn´t arrive in time - and none of the omnibus books I have in my amazon cart gets a heavy Christmas discount - I will just consider the EC COMICS COVERS ARTIST´S EDITION my Christmas gift.

But that´s not even the part I miss most. What really puts a cramp in my Christmas style is not being able to buy Christmas presents for others.

Okay, I already got my Mom the Alfred Hitchcock box with 14 of his best known movies because a guy can only watch TROYA and PALE RIDER so many times. But for movies to watch during the holidays I am drawing a blank. You would think that with all the comicbook related movies there would be more to be excited about. And while THE SUICIDE SQUAD was pretty decent WONDER WOMAN 1984 was rather underwhelming and after the horrible things I heard about NEW MUTANTS and another failed attempt at THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA I am afraid to go anywhere near BLACK WIDOW or SHANG - CHI AND THE LEGEND OF THE TEN RINGS.

Now I guess I could have some presents delivered to my family through amazon Germany but ever since my brother made the announcement he didn´t want any more comicbooks as presents I am fighting with both hands tied behind my back here. Also, even if I managed to sent them some gifts I would not be present - no pun intended - and the best part is seeing their reaction when unwrapping their gifts. Yup, I know what you want to say : it´s the thought that counts. And while I won´t say " Humbug. " it also doesn´t help me with feeling the Christmas spirit.

So to cut things short this year Christmas will be interesting. And who knows, I may even be able to do a second post with those always popular Christmas comicbook covers. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Once again I am not including any links or celebrity birthdays ( I hope we can resurrect those sections once the laptop is fixed ) and we start directly with the post addendum / pop culture trivia / cult siren / video section. After writing so many Christmas posts finding a comicbook related video about the holidays can be difficult but once again Comic Tropes comes in clutch with The Top Ten Baddest Santas In Comics.

Our next video is my Christmas present for all those readers that come here for the cult siren content and while I posted this before it had only been available in a very low resolution . It features none other than my number one sex fantasy of all times, the best body in showbiz, Janet " All Night - Don´t Stop " Action Jackson - the living nubian blow up sex doll that walks like a prostitute - ( who has three solo posts on the blog plus three entries in my Justice League cast ) who not only is a well known sex nymfomaniac who dicktamed Justin Timberlake and confessed to be addicted to test out sex toys - especially double dildos - but it´s also an open secret that she insists on inspecting all new employees - orally .

There are rumors that one of her video shoots turned into a sex orgy with half a dozen of her male dancers but there is no proof and if there is any footage of the squirt marathon it is under lock and key. There are however two versions of the incident. There are sources who are connected to Janet Jackson who say that the dancers were so turned on by Janet Jackson on the previous rehearsal that they took a viagra overdose and took turns pumping the afro american aphrodite´s porn star body. Other sources connected to the defense of the dancers claim that it was Janet Jackson herself who forced the dancers to take the viagra overdose so she could use them as her breeding stallions and things got out of hand fast.

It´s no secret that Janet Jackson was predestined to play a stripper not only because of her incredibly fit and flexible pornstar hardbody which could have earned her a fortune as one of the biggest super stars in the adult entertainment industry but also because she has some incredible stripper moves that make real striptease pros envious . Which nasty Miss Jackson more than proved in Jermaine Dupri´s music video Gotta Getcha where Janet plays one extremely busty stripper dressed up as a school girl or teacher . I don´t know if the script explicitly said " busty stripper " but with her huge DD melons it´s the only kind Janet can believably portray.

I always knew that Janet was a sex freak ( Janet admitted to joining the Mile High Club and is a well known size queen ) and although the rumors that Bobby Brown banged her in the 80s might not be true it is much more believable that she used Justin Timberlake as her sextoy and dumped him after a month of steamy sex marathons . According to Justin it took Janet an hour to get in my pants after we first hooked up and she was so wild in bed that I didn´t know how to handle it. I was falling in love with Miss Jackson but during our get - togethers she only wanted to have sex.

I don´t think of myself as sexy but I am a very sexual being, I always have sex on my mind. I feel very comfortable with it and I think it´s great if a guy has a good sized package. I know the effect my body has on guys so I sometimes use it to get especially well hung guys into my bedroom where I tie them to the bed and bang their brains out in a marathon sex orgy.

I go completely crazy and make them squirt again and again until they are completely drained. I regret doing it but I´ll turn around and do it again.

Now it´s not exactly a Christmas movie but if you have watched the first video you know that one of the ten baddest Santas in comicbooks is from EC Comics cult horror anthologies THE VAULT OF HORROR and the story was also adapted as part of the 1972 movie TALES FROM THE CRYPT which gets the usual Cult Movie Review by the master of all things pop cultured.

Somehow I can´t seem to escape the topic of horror. Not only am I the proud owner of the aforementioned Artist´s Edition of EC Comics covers but I also bought the Choke Gasp ! The Best Of 75 Years Of EC Comics hardback and I still am holding on to my dog eared issues of the EC Comics reprints by Gladstone which I used as cheap filler material in the boxes of comicbooks I shipped here from Germany. Also among the few comicbooks I already had in Spain are two black and white pocketbooks with material form EC´s horror and crime suspense anthologies. Now besides the fact that it is harder for me to deal with the genre of horror as my own journey on planet earth reaches its end you really shouldn´t read these kind of comics when your own life is like a story out of the EC Comic magazines.

An grumpy old man, not in his best health, bereft of most of his earthly possessions, who can only dream of his former glory or fame, with no financial means or social and basic medical support, forced to life in deep isolation at the edge of modern civilization, dependant on spotty public transportation, no easy access to food and water, living under the same roof with a bunch of strangers who would only benefit from his death.

And it´s not only horror anthologies from EC Comics, among the few omnibus hardcovers I decided to add to my new comicbook collection because they were offered on amazon with a decent discount are two volumes from DC Comics THE HOUSE OF SECRETS and HOUSE OF MYSTERY .

Now granted, those stories are not as heavy as the EC Comics and I mostly bought them for the art but once night falls it´s a different ballgame. Not that I could read them after dark because the lamp in my bedroom does not give enough light for that. Another thing is that after finishing season three of THE TWILIGHT ZONE I started with HBO´s TALES FROM THE CRYPT which I mainly got because it was so heavily censored in Germany. Again, not the best material to watch at night although I am taking a break from that to watch NORTHERN EXPOSURE featuring hot cult siren Janine Turner.

Right now I am finishing the third season but I will be taking a break from that to binge watch the fifth season of LUCIFER during the holidays now that it has finally come out. I also got the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET movie box - again in big part because they were heavily censored in Germany - but so far I also haven´t had the opportunity to watch them.

Anyway, for those who have no problems watching horror flicks and want to check out the TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie for themelves here it is.

As a big fan of the EC Comics I´ve done a number of posts on the subject : I did a special black and white tribute post to William Gaines in 2017 with two full stories, one by Johnny Craig and one by George Evans, in 2018 I did two posts, one for the horror books and one for the other titles EC published and I also did special spotlight posts for Jack Davis and a black and white post with the complete original artwork of the story And All Throughout The House by Johnny Craig from THE VAULT OF HORROR 35.

Which was not only featured in the TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie from 1972 but was also adapted as an episode of the HBO tv series and part of the TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie that was released in Germany on home video and which was just made up of the first five episodes of the show.

I didn´t write any EC Comics posts in 2019 but in 2020 I wrote a post in honor of the late William Gaines with stories by Johnny Craig, Graham " Ghastly " Ingels and Joe Orlando - who got a spotlight post - as well as one in tribute to the late Bernie Krigstein and two about Johnny Craig . And last but not least in March we had the obligatory William Gaines tribute .

Besides publishing the best comic in the genre of horror, science fiction, war, crime fiction and many others ( which every comic book fan or comic book creator worth his salt needs to read to understand what you can do within the medium of comic books ) he also created a whole new genre with the creation of Mad magazine when his competitors, censorship and the Comics Code Authority forced him to cancel his most successful titles.

Once again I haven´t managed to do a new post about Cassandra Peterson a.k.a. Elvira, the Mistress of the Dark either on her 70th birthday or during Halloween. So in the meantime you can check out all of my previous Elvira posts and also get your carcass over to YouTube to watch Netflix & Chills which apparently is a new series hosted by the hostess with the mostest.

Coming from the big screen to the small screen we take another trip in the way back machine to adventures of centuries past with Highlander.

For those who remember the show - which was quite successful in its time - as well as those who never knew it existed we give in with the first episode, so grab a snack, grab a pint of warm ale and have your katana or claymore ready as we head once again for the famous scottish highlands.

The first episode is one of the best because it features Christopher Lambert from the original Highlander ( there can be only one - and there is only one since the sequels don´t exist for me ) as well as The Hunted ( one of my favorite white guy caught in ninjas vs samurai BS movies of all times ), Fortress or Mortal Kombat ( he is still the best Lord Raiden ) and Subway by Luc Besson from 1985. Since I don´t like to repeat myself too much you can check out this post to read more about Christopher Lambert and Luc Besson´s films like Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

You also can´t fault Christopher´s taste in women because after being married to Diane Lane - who showed her stripper skills in The Big Town - for six years he gave it to the wardrobe malfunction prone queen of explicit nude scenes, french ( in every sense of the word ) blow up sex doll Sophie " Tits Out " Marceau at every chance he got 7 years long.

Longtime readers might recognize her from my very first post of CASTING THE JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE where I cast Sophie as Catherine Cobert.

The french sexbomb is best known in the US for appearing in the Bond flick THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, and outside for taking her clothes of in such classics like MES NUITS SONT PLUS BELLES QUE VOS JOURS ( my nights are more beautiful than your days ) or DESCENT AUX ENFERS ( Descent into hell ) - where she appeared in nude scenes with Claude Brasseur who played her father in the romantic hit comedies LA BOUM and LA BOUM 2 which caused all kind of outrage at this perceived incest.

Her first nude scene was in HAPPY EASTER with Jean Paul Belmondo which I have to confess to have lying somewhere and still haven´t watched. She was 18 at the time she made the movie and payed the movie studio Gaumont money to get out of her contract to be able to do nude scenes.

What a trooper. In the movie she´s Jean Paul´s lover but when his wife returns a bit early from her vacation she says she´s his daughter from his ex. Sophie also starred in the horror movie NE TE RETOURNE PAS ( don´t turn around ) opposite Monica Bellucci which is like a dream sandwich.

I always do the super hero casting bit and with her giant - sized melons the mega stacked italian sex goddess would be a natural choice for the amazonian puppy princess of Themyscaria. She definitely would have no problem filling out the Wonder corsage with her 37C Wonder Twins.

I put her in the finale of the Hollywood Edition of Casting The JLA Movie series as Wonder Woman but now I´m tending more towards Big Barda.

In the original FOURTH WORLD comics by Jack Kirby - and this definitely changed in the NEW 52 - Big Barda was built like a brick shithouse with the personality of a lady trucker, the muscles of a female bodybuilder, the hot measurements of a playmate of the year and the cupsize of a porn star.

She got that from her mother Big Breeda, the fiercest female warrior on Apokolips who - nomen est omen - was therefore selected by Darkseid himself to breed the next race of warriors. I don´t know if it was because she spurned his advances or if he just thought she would produce the best offspring but it is implied that they used her like a blow up sex doll !

All for the next generation of Akopolips´ finest of course. Now with Big Barda the melons didn´t fall far from the tree and when she began to develop, especially in certain parts of her anatomy that had to do with procreation Darkseid decided to let her follow in her mother´s footsteps and - like mother like daughter - personally introduce Big Barda to the breeding pens to continue the family tradition. So as soon as she got wind of Darkseid´s perverted plans for her Big Barda decided to ditch Apokolips and hitched the next ride to Earth. According to Big Barda she managed to do that before Darkseid had a chance to break her in but maybe she was so eager to join Mister Miracle because she had tasted the Darkseed.

For more on DC´s creepy sex stories with Big Barda - like the time when Superman starred in a porn movie with her and then claimed he could not remember a thing - check out BIG BARDA : DEATH, LIES AND VIDEOTAPES .

Originally I casted Maria Grazia Cucinotta, the italian mega MILF with the giant 39D ( !!! ) melons as Big Barda but keeping in mind her history I may cast her as Big Breeda. Not only to get Maria to do nude scenes that way but also because then I could cast Monica Bellucci as Big Barda and give the Wonder Woman role to british 90s porn superstar Sarah Louise Young .

Yep, she was a big star over here in Germany when I was old enough to rent porn videos. That shows you what an old geezer ( and old pervert ) I am. Also, she was the first one who made porn videos for a price that horny teenagers like me could afford. I mean, new tapes. Because back in those days you could buy used porn videos at the video store but those were watched hundreds of times and only seconds away from combustion.

Not only was Sarah Louise Young the first porn actress to agree a fee of $1,000,000 for a single film, in 1992 she also opened her first sex shop in Hannover, named Sarah Young Erotic Markt, and there would eventually be eleven such shops located in various German cities. I think there might have been one in Stuttgart but with all the movies she starred in and the ones she produced Sarah Young was very present in german video stores and sex shops around the time I was old enough to watch her movies. By the time she lived in Spain she also had one of the first adult magazines that were sold together with a videotape. Which in Spain were sold at newsstands next to comics or newspapers. Yes, some countries do not hide their porn under the table like it´s something to be ashamed of.

Coming back to Sophie Marceau, not only does she drop her clothes very often she also shows great cleavage like in THE MUSKETEERS REVENGE ( or The daughter of D´Artagnan like it´s called in Germany ) that has one of my favorite scenes with her. D´Artagnan´s daughter ( Sophie Marceau ) is captured by the villain of the movie to be sold off to a brothel, but only " to the sleaziest one where they waste the whores very quick " as she says. The guy who has to sell her bitches starts complaining that at the price he has to get for her he´ll never get rid of her. At which point the bad woman tells him that in this case he should be glad, ripping open Sophie´s shirt and revealing her gorgeous breasts which shuts him up.

I still have not bought THE MUSKETEER`S REVENGE because for some reason it´s only available on DVD in Germany and priced very high. One might think it could be because of the nude scene but most of Sophie´s movies include some and the majority of them are not very expensive.

I often mention that writing this section is always a reminder of things that I planned to do. In this case it is about Sophie Marceau as I made a mental note that I really should get some of her movies keeping in mind what a hot sexbomb she is who has no problems to get naked in her films whatsoever. Well, I actually got LA BOUM and the sequel to re - watch, but before I could watch them I had to move to Spain. And despite my best efforts and the fact that it was on a special " Do not touch this. All this stuff stays here. " pile it mysteriously disappeared with all my other stuff.

So I just recently bought it again hoping that I can finally watch them. I wrote in previous posts that one reason for re - watching those movies was the nostalgia factor but to tell the truth I don´t remember much of it.

I was probably too young to appreciate Sophie´s emerging teenage sexual appeal or more concerned about comics and I had completely forgotten her astonishing impression of Cyd Charise from Singing In The Rain.

Which is my number two favorite musical of all times right behind An American In Paris. Anyway, one thing that everybody who has been at art college will instantly recognize in An American In Paris is the spot on depiction of female art students in their first semester who visit Paris.

Now while I have been able to get ahold of a copy of Singing In The Rain I still haven´t found one of An American In Paris. Speaking of which, new blog visitors might want to check out Cyd Charise´s cult siren entry .

Coming back to the Highlander franchise, since I have already posted the first episode of the cartoon series - and you can find the following ones easily on YouTube - here is an overview of it for my spanish followers,

Since I miss being able to go to a comicbook convention - not only because most have been canceled or because of the lockdown but also because I now live in the middle of nowhere - I wanted to include a cosplay video. And to not repeat myself too much I chose one that doesn´t feature Yaya Han, Jessica Nigri or one of the usual suspects.

Speaking of which, longtime followers know that I like to cover as many different topics in this section as possible to keep things interesting. Now you might think that wrestling and Christmas don´t have much in common but both follow the old credo that it is better to give than to receive.

Adrienne Barbeau was destined for boob fame from the moment she began her career as a go go dancer for the mob and in the Off Broadway nudie musical Stag Movie thanks to her 36D - 25 - 36 measurements.

She had the biggest boobs on sitcom tv during the 70s when she played the daughter of Bea Arthur´s tit - ular firebrand on Maude where the small screen could barely contain her huge melons in such episodes like The New Housekeeper, Walter´s Ethics, Walter´s Crisis, The Slumlord, Carol´s Promotion, The Election, Maude´s Facelift but especially The Case of the Broken Punch Bowl and Maude´s Big Decision and I´ve never seen so much boner - inducing bouncing action on prime time tv as in Maude´s Musical.

As Adrienne Barbeau recalls : " What I didn´t know was that when I said my lines I was usually walking down a flight of stairs and no one was even listening to me. They were just watching my giant breasts precede me. "

The ultra bosomy brunette was also cast in numerous made - for - tv films and guest appearances on cleavage - enhanced shows show as The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and Valentine Magic on Love Island as well as a very memorable braless dash on Battle of the Network Stars . In her biography Adrienne claims : " I actually thought CBS asked me to be on Battle of the Network Stars because they thought I was athletic. My husband clued me in : who cared if I won the race, as long as my tits bounced when I ran. "

The popularity of Barbeau´s 1978 cheesecake poster confirmed her status as a sex symbol. While reviewers have sometimes criticized her acting ability, Barbeau´s popularity stemmed partly from what critic Joe Bob Briggs referred to as the " two enormous talents on that woman " and her typecasting as a " tough broad ". Barbeau refused offers to appear topless in PLAYBOY, although she has appeared nude in High Society, films and Off Broadway plays. Despite her initial success, she said at the time that she thought of Hollywood as a " flesh market " and that she´d rather appear in films that " explore the human condition " and which " deal with issues ".

You can read more about Adrienne in this post which also touches on Brian Michael Bendis´s Superman and Swamp Thing - in comics, movies and tv.

Apropos DC Comics properties we have another episode with Smallville´s Lex Luthor interviewing John Wesley Shipp, who not only played the original Barry Allen Flash on the 90s tv show but also Barry Allen´s Dad Henry Allen as well as Jay Garrick and a few Flashes from alternate Earths.

Speaking of the Sultan of Speed new blog followers who missed my almost weekly FLASH FRIDAY series that is on hiatus right now can check out issue 54 , issue 113 , issue 114 , issue 115 , issue 116 , issue 117 , issue 118 , issue 119 , issue 120 , issue 121 , issue 122 , issue 123 , issue 124 , issue 125 , issue 126 , issue 127 , issue 128 , issue 129 , issue 130 , issue 131 , issue 132 , issue 133 , issue 134 and issue 135 as well as the Three Of A Kind crossover issues GREEN LANTERN 96 and GREEN ARROW 130 . Whew !

I also did a special post for the late Mike Wieringo who was the penciler for a fair share of issues as well as providing covers for a lot more of them so he had a big impact on the look of the series for a long period of time.

Both Iris and Wally West have been changed from white to black characters in CW´s The Flah show ( as well as in the latest animated DC movies ) and keeping in that spirit we are chilling with jamaican cult siren Diana King.

From the best body in showbiz we come to the hardest working man in showbusiness. Okay, I know that we already have a few videos that fall into the music category - just check out the one above - but I just had to add this one because I don´t know how long it will be on YouTube. Truth to tell, I have no idea which algorithm put it on my watchlist but any day where you can experience a full concert of James Brown is a good day.

On the other hand I especificially bookmarked the specials from Telepasion in case I managed to write some new posts during the winter holidays.

I wanted to include another cartoon video which is a full episode so I don´t just have videos of people talking about stuff. Now I am not up to date with all the latest scandals about Bill Cosby so I don´t know how appropriate this is but I do know I have not posted much of Fat Albert.

Closing things out Today we have one of the best adaptions of Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol even if there are no famous actors among the cast. Anyway, after five days I have managed to finish the post just one day shy of Christmas. So since I don´t think I can do another one before the holidays I want to wish everybody who has found his way here - even if it might have been just by accident - a Merry Chritmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwaanza or whatever you may celebrate and a Happy New Year. Stay Safe.