Of course like most shows with hot sexbombs FLEX APPEAL didn´t air in Germany. As I understand it - at least from the commentaries on the internet and later from the clips I could watch through the internet - the biggest pull of the show was Kiana Tom herself and her firm puppies ( 36Ds ! ) stretching the thin fabric of her tiny tops in a most fetching way.
According to wikipedia she was an original member of the ESPN fitness show " BodyShaping " until 1995 when she left to host " Kiana's Flex Appeal ". Being that her stunning 36D - 23 - 35 measurements were the only reason anybody watched " BodyShaping " in the first place, her show eventually became the more popular one. She has written a number of books on the subject of physical fitness and she even posed for Playboy magazine. In addition to hosting, she has made a few appearances on screen as an actress, most notably in Universal Soldier: The Return.
She also was on other shows like BLADE WARRIORS but I mostly missed the show because of work. But I caught a few episodes and I can say she really looks good in those. In fact, since I didn´t know she was born in Hawaii I cast her as Psylocke in multiple comic book casting posts on my old blog.
Which in hindsight isn´t that much of a problem because Kiana - whose name means " moon goddess " - owes her exotic look to her mixed heritage of chinese, hawaiian and irish. The hasian blow up sex doll surely knew how to make men drool on Flex Appeal, where she used to give entire generations of horny teenagers huge erections with her 36Ds.
This earned Kiana Tom her very own cult siren entry which I reposted in 2016 and again in 2017 . I also cast her as the female post CRISIS Dr. Light in my first CASTING THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA MOVIE ( THE HOLLYWOOD EDITION ) post and I also mentioned Kiana in my second alternates post as part of a lesbian double dildo fourway sex orgy with porn star Miko Lee , fetish model Akira Lane and cosplay icon Yaya Han .
So far I had written six posts on Yaya - two of them are pretty safe but the other four are absolutely not safe for work - and I keep mentioning her on various JLA casting posts and any other posts involving asian sexbombs like Kiana Tom, Ava Cadell, Akira Lane, Miko Lee, Gail Kim or Minka and I swear the completely NSFW BIG YAYA HAN POST is still in the pipeline. In the meantime I have made two new posts about Yaya which showcase a part of her incredible anatomy that I have ignored too often - her legs.
Which is unbelievable because not only does Yaya have a set of legs that can give you an instant erection she has also demonstrated in her Chun Li pics that she can spread her legs better than Jennifer Lopez in Hustlers .
I bet she is a nymphomanic sex freak who loves to jump her fiancee from the sofa before she wraps her legs around him an pumps him dry with her natural born chinese stripper moves. Yaya was literally made for porn movies because she got herself those giant - sized 40D porn implants.
I mean she already did a sexy doctor / nurse cosplay with her Super Sonico costume. Daim, that girl knows how to fill out that uniform and she´s just begging for some deep asian penetration. Those sweet lips are perfect for giving oral pleasure and we all know that when it comes to deepthroating rockhard boners nobody can hold a candle to asian girls. And those soft, giant boobs were just made to be wrapped around a throbbing erection.
Not only does Yaya Han look like she could star in a Russ Meyer movie Super Sonico sounds like a name from a Russ Meyer movie, especially SuperVixens where every woman had the word super in her name.
Although it would probably be something a bit more erotic like Super Spermico. Speaking of sperm, as my personal nurse and blow up sex doll Yaya would have to give me at least three daily spongebaths although instead of a sponge Yaya can use her big 40D oppai to massage my boner until I am ready for her patented extreme asian ejaculation escalation.
Of course Yaya Han would also have to wear some special outfits like the one Akira Lane is sporting below. I can just imagine Yaya Han´s king sized XXL breasts with the areolas of the nipples being totally visible in that mesh shirt and her nude butt only covered by a tiny string of dental floss while she is giving me a lapdance before a two hour erection injection.
That´s what I need some sexual healing from a naughty night nurse like porn star Minka where no matter how much she knows about medicine you feel already better if you see her. And just wait until she starts with the deepthroat erection inspection to get the daily sperm sample. If I won the lottery big style I would definitely hold auditions for my nurse and I would buy them uniforms that are at least two sizes too small so their tits are hanging out all the time. Of course my dream nurse would not only have the body of a Playmate of the Year and incredible stripper skills.
She also should be well versed in the Kamasutra, tantra sex, nuru massages and all the sex techniques. The best candidate would be a big breasted nymphomanic sexbomb with legs up to her chin who is addicted to oral sex and was fired from her last job at a sperm bank because she was always massaging the client´s hard schlongs with her giant boobs and then deepthroating them without mercy which caused them to squirt all their juices in her throat instead of the special container. Maybe it´s time for some asian salivation and Yaya Han wants to audition with her oriental oral skills. Like the saying goes : life sucks but asian girls deepthroat you dry !!!
With Yaya Han being such a big anime fan I wonder if I could con her into doing a remake of Ogenki Clinic. I would volunteer to play Dick Horsecock, the well hung patient who suffers from a severe case of hyperspermia and Yaya would of course play nymphomanic dicktamer Ruko Tatase, who has fallen on hard times and has to milk his schlong dry of all excess semen every night to pay the rent for her tiny flat so the horny landlord doesn´t sexually assault her again. Man, brabuster Yaya was born to play this role.
Daimn, just check out the size of those opai on Yaya Han. We have to get her to do full frontal nudity in the JLA movie, her body is primed for it.
You can read more about why Yaya should be my private nurse and how she inspired my new comic VERSAUTE BETTGESCHICHTEN in this post .
I DREAM OF JEANNIE MAI ( AND WAKE UP WITH A HUGE ERECTION ) !
One reason why Miko kept popping up in the posts about Yaya Han is that I needed a body double for Yaya´s more explicit sex scenes I had in mind.
Which is not ideal since Yaya Han has a 40D bust and Miko Lee is nowhere near in that league. Thankfully it looks like hasian talk show host Jeannie Mai is auditioning for the part and while she also is a bit smaller than Yaya in the chest area she does have an impressive skill set. I am convinced.
This hot sexbomb is of vietnamese descend and even though she is " only " a 37C and not a 40D like Yaya I think she could be a body double for her.
At least it would be fun to put her body to the test for the sex scenes.
Now I have gotten some comments that I should ease down with over - sexualizing Jeannie Mai but that´s not easy when you keep in mind my obsession about asian women and the fact that Jeannie has never made a secret about what a sex freak she is and how much she enjoys having sex.
I mean, literally the very first thing I found with her was the video with her boob exercises in which she admitted to doing them not only to make her breasts look better because she enjoys men drooling all over them but with the specific intent of getting guys harder than unto a thing of iron !
The topic of sex has come up quite frequently on THE REAL TALK ( I´m just glad that I have not found a source for it because I would watch it 24 / 7 just to get some glimpses of Jeannie ) so we know that Jeannie just loves to dress up be it for Halloween or in the privacy of her bedroom.
On top of that she has the perfect bubblebutt - like most asian girls - so it´s no wonder her ex hubby always tried to persuade her to wear a thong ( remember the thong incident ? ), she admitted to frequently using all kind of toys to spice up her sex life and she has gone on record that her favorite location to let her inner nymphomanic really loose is a hotel room because : " There are certain things I just can´t do at home. I eat at that table. " So you tell me, am I really exaggerating here or am I falling short ?
Yeah, I know you´re probably tired of hearing me say that but asian girls are my kryptonite. And by assessory all exotic looking sexbombs. Damn, that´s one of the reasons cosplay queen Yaya Han still hasn´t gotten her own post . I want to give her props but I´m afraid it will turn into porn.
Which I have to look out for on basically any post involving hot cosplay girls if I don´t want to look like a pervert. Anyway, back to Kiana Tom.
Born in Maui, Hawaii, she is the daughter of Chinese American child actor, Layne Tom Jr. She was a cheerleader for the Los Angeles Raiders before becoming a TV personality and we all know the main purpose of the cheerleaders is to endure the adrenaline charged sexual assault of the jocks at the post game victory parties / sex orgies. With her exotic looks and perfect porn measurements she soon rose to the position of head cheerleader ( and any other position at the football team stress relief sessions ) and every midnight olympic session quickly escalated into an asian penetration marathon where the biggest perverts took turns dicktaming Kiana with their giant horsecocks, overpowering the asian lubrication experts by tag - teaming her two, three or four at a time.
KIANA´S UNIVERSAL SEX APPEAL : SHE SO HORNY LOVE YOU LONG TIME
As an actress her most famous part was in UNIVERSAL SOLDIER 2 or UNIVERSAL SOLDIER - THE RETURN how it is sometimes called were her short bit part at the beginning is the only redeeming value of the flick.
In the scene Jean Claude Van Damme and Kiana Tom´s character Maggie are running an exercise run against the universal soldiers. They are separated and Kiana Tom is captured by wrestler Goldberg. Now I don´t know where the logic is here as he´s supposed to be some kind of cyborg but he does what any healthy man would do in his situation. Namely tie the helpless Kiana Tom whose shirt reveals a really huge bulge to a tree.
But it gets even better as Goldberg ( named Romeo in the movie which might explain why he tries to get it on with Kiana ) rips open her shirt !
Now that´s what I call entertainment : we´re only six minutes into the movie and we already see Kiana´s bra - clad melons exposed ( sadly she doesn´t go bra - less although she definitely has the hardbody to pull it off, but since she doesn´t show more skin it is the erotic highlight ). It is just a quick glimpse, but you can see that Kiana really doesn´t have much to be ashamed of because those perfect heavenly hangers look amazing !
Like I said, this doesn´t make much sense since Goldberg is supposed to be some kind of machine here but as an AVENGERS fan I also bought that the Scarlett Witch has such a hot body that even an android got horny.
As well as everybody else in the Marvel universe when the only women were her, the Wasp and Susan Storm. Looking back on old AVENGERS issues it´s kind of weird that all her male teammates had the hots for her.
Even her own brother it seems which is something they picked up again in ULTIMATES. Which was so oversexed and badly written that this really didn´t matter. But back in the day Wanda was the go - to damsel in distress and the top item for a villain´s bachelor base was probably to have her chained to a bed naked. I mean I get that all the villains like Arkon wanted to mate with her. Okay, in the comics they only kidnapped her but guess what they intended to do with her. Which wasn´t in the least bit awkward when it was revealed that Magneto was her father. Yes, that´s one way how writing as you make things up can bite you in the ass.
Now all those times Magneto had Wanda under his spell and tried to turn her into his lust slave look really weird. Of course he played the old amnesia card but the truth is he probably knew all along that old dog.
For more on the Scarlet Witch the website SCARLET WITCHING has a post about The entire histoy of Wanda and Magneto´s relationship and THE PEERLESS POWER OF COMICS has an entry on her hex powers and her first glimpses as a villainess under John Byrne. You see ? Long before Bendis made Wanda a reality altering super mutant MILF it was established that everything was possible for her ( she even had twins with an android ) and that she´s so hot she made her own father, brother and a machine horny.
So maybe the producers use the same logic since Kiana´s mindboggling curves can overcome any programming. She´s so hot she melts metal !
Also as a cyborg I bet that Romeo has many additional giant - sized reproductive appendages which he can´t wait to introduce into Kiana.
And it would not surprise me if this was one of those very lucky instances where a blooper ended up in the movie since I am not sure if Bill Goldberg was really supposed to rip Kiana´s shirt wide open or if he just seized the opportunity to do what any strapping lad in his position would have done.
He probably botched a few takes on purpose so he could keep on exposing Kiana´s spectacular breasts. Speaking of spectacular breasts, maybe Bill went even further and also ripped off her bra. I mean, it would not be the first time something like this would be deleted from a movie ( remember the rumors that Halle Berry´s giant breasts obliterated her Catwoman costume but somehow there was no camera rolling that caught it on tape - on a movie set - so they could not put it in the extras ? ) or you would only hear about it decades later ( like with Erika Eleniak´s mind blowing striptease on Under Siege where only now Pamela Anderson accused Erika Eleniak of having had sex with Steven Segal to get that role while Erika Eleniak denies any such stories ). So likewise it may have been that Bill Goldberg not only ripped Kiana´s shirt open unscripted but that he also got rid of her bra and got busy motorboating her huge melons - which ruined every take - until she agreed to let him have his way with her in the trailer afterwards. But as I said I could not find anything about this particular scene. Maybe there is something in the movie commentaries.
The only thing that brings this down is that some sources claim that Kiana used a boob double for the scene. Which is hard to believe since it really isn´t necessary. Dammit, Kiana´s body is banging and if you check out the frames just before her pigeons fly loose you can see her big bust ready to explode. So the only reason why they would have used a double would be that she was too erotic and they shot somebody with a smaller chest. I´m no expert on chest sizes especially when it comes to american chest sizes but I like to believe that we get to see the real Kiana. And if not then I stick to the theory that Kiana´s at least as gifted as her body double or that Kiana´s chest is even bigger because otherwise it makes no sense.
In any case I´d like to get more information on who was her body double for the scene since she must also be a pretty hot number. Back to the scene, there isn’t a whole lot of skin here, but the bra busting moment might have you doing some serious Van Dammage to your man region !
Which makes it even less understandable that she didn´t do a nude scene in Universal Soldier 2. It´s not like Kiana has any problems with nudity since she not only posed naked for PLAYBOY, no, she also confessed that she is such a perfectionist that she had to wait until the right time in her career where she felt her body was in the best shape it has ever been in.
Too many celebrities never grab the chance to do nude pictures when they are in good condition, when their banging bodies are in their prime.
Then, twenty years ( or thirty years ) later their biological clock starts ticking, they want to prove they still look good and do some pictures.
Well, how are we supposed to come to a qualified decision ? We don´t know how she looked when she was young and sexy. So please girls, do some nude shots while you look good. Otherwise there is no proof.
But Kiana did it right, she made it at her physical prime and her pictorial is awesome ! It´s no wonder her issue completely sold out in one month.
And it seems Kiana had a blast doing it too : What a wonderful liberating beautiful experience to shoot with really renowned photographers and PLAYBOY. I had the pleasure of meeting Hugh Hefner several times and was invited to their many wild parties at the iconic Playboy Mansion.
As you may know, I posed for the Celebrity Cover & layout for PLAYBOY before getting married. It was a big decision for me to do it or not. They had approached me and my agent several times. Each time I said no thank you. My mentor / BFF / mother and I discussed it at length and with her guidance, decided to do it. My father had Playboy magazines in his closet, I used to sneak and look at all the beautiful photos of the women. ( all of the therapists out there are now having a field day ! lol ) The Playboy staff was so wonderful to work with, I had photo approval, choices of locations, photographers, makeup artists, stylists ... I actually did two shoots : one in studio, and one in Mexico. Extensive interview and layout.
As for her role in the film, Maggie is hardly used ( no pun intended ) and many reviewer bemoan that she didn´t get naked. I don´t know where the producers are coming from as they fumbled one of the biggest pulls of the movie when they decide not to make her a bigger part of the movie but some people suspect that one of the reasons why she is dumped so quickly in the movie is so the target audience doesn't have to deal with the suggestion of a mixed race relationship. Which I find a bit hard to believe since this really is no precedent in the history of US movies.
Secondly, it really doesn´t make any sense since what everybody hoped to see was more of Kiana Tom. Heck, I even found some fan fiction where Goldberg is not interrupted by JVCD ( typically he appears at the worst moment so we don´t see more of Kiana´s stunning physique ) and gets to unveil more of Kiana´s body before going down on her. And to show that others agree with me, here are some excerpts from various reviews :
After one of the most ridiculous opening jet - ski, machine gun scenes in film history, Kiana Tom's shirt got ripped open for a much too short bra shot. I immediately thought this movie, like sexpot Kiana, had potential.
The film opens with what the filmmakers hope is a pulse - pounding jaunt up a river, a jaunt filled with explosions, stunts, gunfire, and the briefest glimpse of Tom's incredibly fit form. As the mission grinds to a halt we learn several important things : Kiana Tom is incredibly hot but can't act her way out of a paper bag, JCVD has a daughter named Hillary who you just know will get into trouble at some point, and the only soldiers we must pay attention to are Goldberg and Michael Jai White.
Frankly, turning off the film immediately after glimpsing Tom's amazing physique is a good thing. Everything that follows is dull, predictable, and so full of plot holes as to defy description. " Universal Soldier 2 " feels like eighty minutes of dental surgery rather than an action film.
Plot holes in this film are innumerable, as uncountable as grains of sand on the beach or acne on a teenager's face, but let's instead discuss the performances - or the lack thereof. I should say I adore Kiana Tom; she's drop dead gorgeous with a body that could stop the earth's rotation, but watching her stumble through dialogue is like having your appendix taken out through your mouth. Another problem is the lumbering Bill Goldberg, whose " funny " lines are anything but. And the more I think about Heidi Schanz, the less I think of her. You have to wonder about a film where Jean Claude Van Damme is the best thespian in the cast.
Here I hoped that Heidi Schanz was the name german Playboy centerfold Nadine Tschantz used in Hollywood since they tend to have difficulties with german names ( as some playmates have used other names to break into the business ) but this is a totally different woman that does not share her physical qualities - or her proneness to get naked on celluloid.
Before we end the topic of the movie I can´t withhold what one reviewer refers to as the Jean Claude Van Damme Matrix for reviewing movies :
The Jean Claude Van Damme Review Matrix ( JCVD - RM )
1. Who is he ?
Luc Devereaux, the only remaining UNISOL from the first experiment. He now serves as technical expert to UNISOL 2500, the second generation, which has resulted in a stronger, faster, more deadly warrior.
2. Which family member / friend must be avenged ?
Not only does Dr. Dylan Cotner ( Xander Berkeley ) - the lead project scientist - get fried, but his daughter also falls into danger.
3. Does he take his shirt off ?
No, but Romeo, the alpha male of all the UNISOLs, is constantly shirtless. And Kiana´s shirt gets ripped off, although she wears a bra in the scene.
4. Does he have sex with a C - List actress ?
I hoped that there'd be copulation with his partner Maggie ( Kiana Tom ), but sad disappointment hit me when the credits rolled. Really guys, which producer who´s in his right mind passes up an opportunity to get a body like this naked ? Let´s just be realistic here. If a hot exotic sexbomb like Kiana Tom with a pornstar hardbody that just won´t quit was my co - worker I´d definitely spend all my free time with slam - banging the living daylights out of her until I had tamed Kiana to be my obedient sex slave.
5. Is there a tournament ?
No structured tournament.
6. Is training needed for this tournament ?
As a regeneration from the first experiment, all the training he needs.
7. Does he do the splits in training or in the tournament ?
The splits are in full force when JCVD delivers a sack - stretching spin kick to SETH ( Michael Jai White ) - Self - Evolving Thought Helix - the computer system controlling the new genetically enhanced soldiers that implanted its programming and consciousness into human form.
8. Does he punch someone in the balls ?
Since the UNISOLs don't feel pain, but need to breathe, the throat - shot replaces the groin - shot in this one.
9. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks ?
OMG ! I'm dizzy !
10. Is his enemy unbeatable ?
SETH isn't quite SkyNet, and the UNISOLs aren't quite Terminators; so, JCVD has a manageable, yet difficult foe.
11. Does he overcome an injury or other hindrance ?
While Luc is battling the new and improved UNISOL army, he has to contend with an beautiful but irritating reporter named Erin.
12. Does he win ?
Judgment day averted.
And that´s all I´m going to say on the subject of UNIVERSAL SOLDIER II.
Once again, time to wrap things up. As always I managed to talk about a lot of other stuff than Kiana Tom, but since the post is just an excuse to post as many pictures of her as possible I wanna wish her many returns !
So for those who can´t get enough of Kiana Tom you might want to check the infamous Bodyshaping Bikini Workout ( part 1 / part 2 / part 3 ) that YouTube already took down once as long as you still can. Probably because besides Kiana Tom you also get the no less stunning Kimiko Tanaka who is an exotic mix of american indian and japanese. So you get two exotic sexbombs wearing tiny bikinis for the price of one which must have lead to countless guys getting the mother of all nosebleeds because of oppai overload. Plus in the second part Carla Dunlap substitutes Kiana Tom.
Whenever one of these cult siren anniversaries that I covered before approach I think long and hard ( no pun intended ) if I should really do a re - post. Because while a lot of it is just copy / paste there always is a lot of additional work involved. In the case of Kiana Tom it has been three years since the last re - post plus there are some things I wrote in the bonus section in other posts that I wanted to include in a proper Kiana Tom post. Like always I kind of sabotaged myself because I wanted to make the best Kiana Tom re - post possible which means that I made several new Kiana Tom GIFs - which almost took me one week to make. But that´s what you gotta do to have a great post and I hope that my readers appreciate me putting everything but the kitchen sink in this new re - post. Well, for all my faithful followers who have read this ferschluggerner ultralong post until here I wanted to include a few videos to help through the tough times during the lockdown. Finding comicbook videos for these cult siren posts are always difficult - especially when I can´t include any other birthdays because the post is already too long as it is - but thankfully I have a few that are not connected to any particular topic.
Since a lot of the panels discussed in the video above are from Marvel Comics we have a nice segueway to Today´s tv show video about Stan Lee´s LUCKY MAN which I have mentioned before. For some reason the whole Marvel universe propaganda machine has ignored this despite being conceived by Stan The Man Lee himself. I haven´t seen an episode yet.
These riskier posts allow me to post some videos that I can´t put into my regular posts so the 2 Live Crew is starting things off with Mama Juanita.
Speaking about riskier videos here´s another one with sex specialist Susan Bratton and I promise you it is not what you think. It´s not about NOT masturbating 30 days - this is not one of those cheap comedy movies.
Staying with entertainment not apt for minors here is Sartara Kommt for which I could make a segueway in german ( those who know german can guess what kind of segueway that´d be ) but even I don´t sink that low.
Closing out things are the incredible Street Sharks. Man, you just gotta love 90s cartoons. Where else do you get a show about brothers turned into human sharks served up with a healthy dose of ecological awareness ?
New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best
Shark - some !
No comments:
Post a Comment