TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN: August 2025

So as promised in the second part of my tribute post for all the ultimate hasian sexbombs I found while trying to finish my spotlight post on 35D - 24 - 36 cosplay blow up sex doll Ashlynne Dae here is my little homage to Barry Windsor - Smith's tenure on Marvel Comics CONAN THE BARBARIAN.

Now it's not like I haven't done any posts on Barry Windsor - Smith. Quite the contrary. By Crom, I did a post with the complete original art for the sixth issue of CONAN THE BARBARIAN - by Barry Windsor - Smith - back in August 2018 and I already did a birthday tribute for the master in 2016.

Plus I posted a whole slew of his artwork in the second part of my series on the MARVEL VISIONARIES : CHRIS CLAREMONT hardcover way back when that was still in print and you could get it for a reasonable price.

I don't know if anybody ever pays attention to my comic pimping posts but knowing how tight the spending budget can be and how seldom these opportunities come along I always try to alert my readers to bargains.

And like I said, these books were not including the super rarest comics out there but it was a nice way to get the highlight issues of a seminal comicbook creator in a nice hardcover edition. As far as I know they never reprinted the hardcovers and the only books available now are the trade paperback versions although they cost as much as the hardcovers costed back then. Because that is the catch : whenever Marvel Comics or better said Disney can increase the price tag on a new reprint they will.

But coming back to Barry Windsor - Smith, while I have mentioned him a lot on the blog I get the feeling that he is kind of underrepresented in regards to CONAN THE BARBARIAN since I have just done two new posts on the two fisted combo of John Buscema and Ernie Chan and even before that I already did three posts on that period of Marvel Comics CONAN THE BARBARIAN comicbook which was expertly written by Roy Thomas. Let's not forget his work in our remembrance of greatness.

And Barry Windsor - Smith was instrumental in this series since without him there may not have been issues by other artists. He was the one that started it all and what was nice about reading these issues as they came out was that Barry was already a very good artist when he started on this series but you could see his craftsmanship evolve by leaps and bounds as the book progressed until he came into his own right. At the beginning you can see the spark of talent and raw action but at the time he wraps up he is already on his way to become the illustrator we know Today.

So to pay homage to the huge role he played on making CONAN the well known character that he is Today ( I know some people will say that is also due to the CONAN movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger but I will argue that the comics by Barry Windsor - Smith played a part in making Conan a viable option for a movie adaption ) and because he did two of my favourite CONAN THE BARBARIAN issues that were not drawn by John Buscema and inked by Ernie Chan ( issues 14 and 15 which feature one of my favourite fantasy / swords and sorcery character of all times : Michael Moorcock's Elric of Melnibone ) I decided to do this short post.

Last but not least, while I would like to do a second part to this I can't because I am including all the Barry Windsor - Smith CONAN art I found.

red nails

barbaric stuff

barbaric links

barbaric videos

hollywood and comics

bodybuilders

conan omnibus one

weapon x

the unofficial third conan movie

Of course regular blog visitors are already familiar with 1980s 46E ( !!! ) - 23 - 37 sex symbol extraordinaire Brigitte Nielsen since I mentioned her in the first post about italian pop sensation Sabrina Salerno and in my MOVIE RUMMAGE TABLE WITH EDDIE MURPHY SPECIAL post . She was one of the busty centerfolds alongside Angela Cavagna, Danuta Lato or - most famously - Samantha Fox who tried to turn her notoriety into vinyl gold.

So she wanted to cash in on that popularity and tried her luck together with Falco from Vienna best known for his worldwide number 1 single ROCK ME AMADEUS. They sang BODY NEXT TO BODY although Brigitte Nielsen´s real contribution to the video clip was shaking her enormous moneymakers in a little black shirt that was barely bigger than a napkin.

I remember staying up late at night way beyond my bedtime to secretly tape the video because they did not show it on Mtv before midnight.

With a body made for xxx movies Brigitte set out to conquer Hollywood where the ultimate love making machine slam - banged the Terminator's circuits out like there is no Tomorrow. After polishing Conan's giant sword she defeated swedish Uebermensch Ivan Drago through sexual knockout and became Mistress of the Universe turning He - Man into her Boy - Toy.

Finally she went the distance with Rocky's rockhard boner lasting much more than the obligatory fifteen rounds and engaged in grueling all out position warfare against Rambo dicktaming Alex Foley along the way.

But while her absolute domination in Tinseltown's bedrooms was without question it didn't translate into box office success and while she starred in a few good movies she had to resort to showcasing her nude body in a few lesser skin flicks much to the delight of Brigitte's drooling male fans.

A movie that deserves its bad rep is Beverly Hills Cop 2 not only because it´s the best example of how Hollywood used to make sequels - do the same as in the first movie just add more movie stars and more explosions without understanding why the original formula worked - but also for the blatant misuse of sexual stallion Brigitte Nielsen who was in her prime.

I mean as bad as Cobra ( or City Cobra as it was called in Germany ) was at least it had a photo session with Busenwunder Brigitte. Somehow she never managed to fulfil her obvious potential as a superior Sexbombe.

Now it´s been a while since I last saw the first two Beverly Hills Cop movies ( I have seen the third one once and you couldn´t pay me enough to watch it again ) and I don´t know if it´s old age or if they cut in in the german version ( for which I could not find any proof at the websites where censored movies are listed ) but while I can vividly remember the scene at a strip club in the first movie I completely blanked on the fact that there was a scene at a strip club in the second Beverly Hills Cop.

I wasn´t able to find out the name of the real life stripper in Beverly Hills Cop, only that she recommended the song that plays in that scene, Nasty Girl by Vanity. I did however find out the names of the two women who play the strippers in Beverly Hills Cop 2. The first is Teal Roberts and she strut her stuff in the 1984 comedy Hardbodies and The Last Boy Scout with afro american natural born 40E - 25 - 37 stripper Halle Berry .

The other stripper was played by Miss Nude World 1981 and PLAYBOY´s Playmate of the Month in January 1990 Peggy McIntaggart which for me is especially annoying because I have featured her a few times on the blog always mentioning that she not only appeared in a lot of PLAYBOY videos thanks to her stunning 40E - 23 - 35 measurements, she played one of the strippers in Beverly Hills Cop II, Maggie in Lady Avenger, Keela in Phoenix the Warrior and also was in the obligatory Baywatch episode.

With boobs bigger than Big Barda , the sexual attraction of Power Girl , the rampant libido of slutty Catwoman, longer legs than the leather clad black bra outfit 90s prostitute Wonder Woman drawn by Mike Deodato Jr. and the overt sexuality of the OG Starfire by Marv Wolfman and George Perez ( not the toned down versions of the cartoons and tv shows ) you might think it would be child's play to put Brigitte in a comicbook movie.

Able to leap onto huge pulsating horsecocks in a single bound herself, getting strange visitors from an extinct civilization hard like unto a thing of iron faster than a speeding bullet, pound their strangely formed but surprisingly effective at making earth women climax ( almost as if aliens have been visiting earth to use women for sex - periments for countless centuries ) extremely flexible appendages without mercy like a powerful locomotive and making those big tentacles squirt a strange white liquid that when coming into contact with exposed human skin could turn even the most chaste nun into a deepthroat addicted and horny nympho slut without end like a mighty river having her become the undefeatable superheroine she was between the sheets on film should have been a no brainer but her luck with comicbook movies wasn´t much better either.

Her She Hulk movie ( which as bad as it could have turned out would have still been much better than the tv show we finally got ) didn´t make it out of the planning stage and her Red Sonja movie is really bad.

First off since the movie studio already had to pay Marvel Comics for usage of the character of Red Sonja created by writer Roy " The Boy " Thomas and artist Barry Windsor - Smith they didn' want to pay the heirs of Robert E. Howard for using Conan The Barbarian so instead they called him Kalidor and turned him into a wishy - washy Conan light milktoast.

Which was a big problem because he was featured prominently on the movie poster so people expected to get a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Red Sonja while he was only a secondary character. The second big problem - at least for the comicbook fans - was that the producers of the movie also didn't go for Red Sonja's iconic itsy - bitsy chain mail bikini and instead gave her a costume that covered up a lot of Brigitte Nielsen's fantastic hardbody which also robbed the movie of a lot of its potential.

One thing that always bugged me about Red Sonja was that her origin didn´t make much sense. In the comicbook she was granted superior strength as long as she was undefeated by men in battle. Which means that in the case when she needed more strength the most - namely when some guy got the upper hand on her - the goddess would deny her that.

Which for me is just a sexual assault waiting to happen. It´s almost like this goddess wanted the biggest, longest, hardest, baddest, most brutal and perverted delinquents to use Sonja like a cheap blow up sex doll.

Speaking of Brigitte Nielsen's bonerinducing pornstar body, somebody who immediately realized her potential was Arnold Schwarzenegger who went on record in his memoirs that he used Brigitte like a blow up sex doll during the shooting of Red Sonja - which added more fuel to the already heated rivalry between the Terminator and Sylvester Stallone.

Because not only were they in a competition who would be the bigger action star and earn the bigger box office, Arnold also was infamous for duping Sylvester Stallone into making movies that he knew would be flops like Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot ! and now he banged the living daylights out of a sex goddess that Sylvester was interested in taming.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger ended his sexual encounters with Brigitte she immediately set out to turn Sylvester into her docile italian breeding stallion and to get his attention Brigitte lured Dolph Lundgren to a secret meeting at a hidden five star hotel that ended in a sexual knockout since the nympho amazon almost slam - fucked the hunky giant into a coma.

After that her next step was getting a personal meeting with Sylvester Stallone by slipping a nude picture of herself with her phone number under his hotel room door which quickly got her the results she wanted.

During what would be only the first of dozens of penetration sensation orgies she lulled him into a false sense of security by being submissive and letting him use and abuse her in any position using the stamina she acquired as a swimmer and her ability to spread her legs better than a phillipino hooker to make him even more excited so he lasted longer.

But once she had gotten what she wanted from him and everything she needed was put into their marriage contract she began to become more aggressive and dominant in the bedroom milking his balls completely dry.

Sex machine Brigitte literally banged Sylvester's brain out six ways to Sunday in the worst way because after their divorce Sylvester claimed to have suffered from temporary insanity during their heated relationship.

The yellow press often claimed that Brigitte just used Sylvester but they didn't know that besides boosting her career tremendously she also used him like a sex toy - keep in mind that Brigitte towers at 6 foot 2 over Sylvester Stallone with 5 foot 10 - during their endless squirt sessions.

Not that I think Sylvester minded being dicktamed by men - milking machine Brigitte in their epic hardcore sex many positions in orgies.

I mean, which red blooded male wouldn't love to be used as a walking dildo by awesome danish amazon Brigitte Nielsen during her prime ?

Especially once her already huge melons were pumped up even bigger after Sylvester slipped the plastic surgeon a huge wad of cash to change the breast implants for the XXXL - sized 46E deluxe package so he could massage his rockyhard boner with her new double airbags. That must have made Sylvester even more enthusiastic about breaking in Brigitte.

Because he had to keep in shape for his movies Sylvester was also at his physical peak and Brigitte has gone on record that he would constantly and relentlessly pound her like a jackrabbit during the mating season.

Sylvester Stallone once was asked if he was the richest man in Hollywood to which he replied that he definitely had the richest ex - wife. Indeed Brigitte Nielsen got a whopping 6 mil out of her 19 month marriage but initially it was going to be 2. This changed drastically after an intense 6 hour long double breasted deepthroat dick massage session followed by a weekend long fuck marathon at a six star hotel that Brigitte subjected Sylvester Stallone's lawyer to who was only more than happy to triple it.

To that end Brigitte also had to agree to be his personal blow up sex doll for a month which she thought would be a piece of cake but she never read the fine print in the contract about her sexual arrangement with that lawyer which stated that the guy was allowed to include guests in the uninhibited fuck parties as long as they took place at the weekends.

Which the guy took full advantage of by inviting at least half a dozen of horny teenaged juvenile delinquents and other serial rapists in training at their sexual prime who really went fuck crazy banging Brigitte's brains out six ways to Sunday in an attempt to dicktame her into submission.

Especially the last weekend of that month seemed to last forever as six diplomats from a part of Afrika that holds the Guiness Book world record for men with the biggest cocks who had to restrain themselves because most women could not take their full giant - sized boners took turns at completely wearing their monstercocks out on Brigitte who was writhing in convulsions and foaming at the mouth with her eyes rolled back in her head as the relentless assault stretched her out beyond her limits almost drowning the helpless Busenwunder in a never - ending torrent of cum.

vanity nasty girl

similar revenge story like conan only with a female lead three years before red sonja

the fall guy hell on wheels

ellie empress try treats

edgy 90s cartoons

conan the cartoon yet from another channel

fraules girl new channel well not exactly new since it is on youtube for 16 years so I have no idea why the algorithm didn't send me this sooner

As it could not be any other way of course all of their bASSt videos have an age restriction so you know they are hot like fire so I cannot include them in the post. I still tried to post the top five of their performances but like everything the selection is completely subjective and only done according to my own preferences. Plus I couldn't fit all videos I wanted so be assured that there will be more videos from this channel in future posts. Also you can check out their videos for yourself in the meantime.

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conan still the best one

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workout special

tell episode two

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cannon gold

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the rest of the cannon movies from 1987

Coming back to workouts, but of a more sexy type we have german real life Power Girl Cindy Breuer testing out fitness machines while giving us a good look at her pornstar hardbody. This woman was just made ( quite literally because I don't think everything is natural on this Busenwunder especially her dinghy lips which are perfect to be wrapped around a big erection and deepthroat it until it becomes hard as unto a thing of iron ) for sweaty workout session that take you to the limits of your physical endurance - and I'm not talking about the gym if you know what I mean.

CINDY BREUER in MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE : THE SEX ADVENTURES

With her athletic physique and huge breasts Cindy could easily pull of the role of warrior woman Teela in a Masters Of The Universe movie.

It could be oriented to a more adult audience as that would give us the possibility to include explicit sex scenes. Especially one that includes an epic skin flick moment like in To The Limit where 41E ( !!! ) - 26 - 38 Busenwunder and PLAYBOY's Playmate Of The Month of May 1993 and Playmate Of The Year in 1994 Anna Nicole Smith ( who literally fucked her rich husband to death so she could inherit all his millions ) arches her body backwards with her giant - sized melons sticking up in the air.

Now usually I would go into a tangent about Anna Nicole Smith to give a bit of context to my younger audience but I not only did with the usual explanations just recently in my newest spotlight post on Kurt Busiek , Brent Anderson and Alex Ross brilliant ASTRO CITY comic book series, I also included a video comparing two of Anna Nicole Smith's breast known movies To The Limit and Skyscraper - including links to articles on how those movies were censored - so we are going to skip that part Today.

MISTRESS OF THE UNIVERSE : EVIL - LYN'S DEEPTHROAT MARATHONS

Coming back to our adult Masters Of The Universe movie, of course we would also have to include busty bad girl Evil - Lyn ( who has been the wet sex dream for many a young He - Man fan ) who would - like always - have her own sick plans for world domination. Which in this case would include siring a super baby with a potent earthman to defeat He - Man.

Of course to achieve this goal Evil - Lyn would need to have sex in many positions with dozens of possible candidates and make them squirt like a firehose until they can't get it up anymore and she would have to alter her villainous appearance magically to milk them dry until the last drop.

She definitely would not have to change her stunning pornstar body nor her huge breasts but she has this mean look in her eyes that could turn them off. Although some men would probably like that very much. And I think none of her victims would complain. Being through and through evil she would enjoy squeezing their huge horsecocks making them shoot huge loads again and again and again until they almost loose their minds.

To spice up things even more He - Man and the Masters Of The Universe could encounter some earthlings that help them out on their quest like in the Cannon movie. But instead of teenagers that are just platonically involved we could make them just a little bit older so there would be no complaints if they do explicit back to back balls to the wall sex scenes.

SKELETOR'S REVENGE : THE TAMING OF THE SORCERESS - AND TEELA

Speaking of the Cannon movie and explicit sex scenes, we could use the idea of the people from Eternia coming to Earth - and maybe also throw in a little amnesia subplot like they love to do in the THOR comicbooks - and we could have the Sorceress living a regular life on Earth without knowing who she is until Skeletor finds her location and sickks one of his tentacle sex demons on her to drill her for information - quite literally !

The sex demon and a legion of Skeletor's minions naturally leap at the chance to ravage such a pure and good spirited soul like the Sourceress - who also happens to have a banging bikini body, ridiculously long legs for miles almost up to her chin, an ass that won't quit and big ass boobies - and after endless seeming days of being groomed as Skeletor's new blow up sex doll the Sorceress has to grudgingly accept defeat and reveal that only buxom Teela knows the secret of how to get to Earth from Eternia.

Since she is still on Eternia it is short work for Skeletor to send out his hordes and capture Teela but no matter what he does Teela refuses to reveal the magic doorway to Earth. After all of the usual interrogation methods remain fruitless Evil - Lyn ( who is on a short break from her penetration sensation fuck marathons with her three legged breeding stallions to which Skeletor still is oblivious ) proposes to let Sex Beast Man have his way with Teela. Who tries her best to resist his relentless assault but after a week of incessant dicktaming - during which the rest of Skeletor's monsters took turns drilling every orifice in her body like there's no Tomorrow to give Sex Beast Man his much needed eight daily hours of sleep - she has to cave in and give Skeletor the means to invade Earth which brings us to the big climax and final showdown of the movie.

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the episode with jacqueline collen from the sinbad tv show

might recognize all natural big breasted 36C - 26 - 36 thoroughbred horsebreeder Jacqueline Collen ( whom you might have seen on tv shows like Hercules, The Legendary Journeys or Pacific Blue ) from the Sinbad tv show since she was the breast part of the show even if Jacqueline never showed her best features to the fullest !