Okay, who didn´t see this coming ? I really tried to finish my WOLVERINE BY LARRY HAMA AND MARK SILVESTRI post without having to resort to any spin - off posts but the part about iconic Wonder Woman Lynda Carter and especially Busenwunder Loni Anderson kept getting longer and longer until I had no choice but to give it its own post. And just so it is not all balls to the wall cult siren cleavages and bikini boobies I have decided to tame two amazons with one stone and include some Wonder Woman stuff.
So I was going through the options like doing another GOODBYE GERMANY post - this time with a collection of my favorite WUNDERGIRL ( yep, in Germany Wonder Woman was called Wondergirl which you can imagine caused a lot of trouble when the Donna Troy Wondergirl from the New Teen Titans hit the scene in JUNGE GIGANTEN ) covers from Ehapa - or one with the best original art where I don´t have enough for an artist feature but then I opted for one that I promised my readers long before 2020.
Which is the WONDER WOMAN run by William Messner - Loebs that fans Today mostly remember for Mike Deodato´s exaggerated female anatomy - he took the term " legs for miles " quite literal - and Wonder Woman´s famous ( or infamous ) black leather hooker outfit with the blue jacket.
I have to confess I was rather fond of the new look and I am surprised that with the way Hollywood execs always try to discard the actual super hero costumes in favor of black costumes, and especially skin tight black leather costumes if it´s a woman we haven´t seen it on the silver screen yet. It definitely would have made Wonder Woman 1984 less of a waste of time.
We start the bonus section of this impromptu Wonder Woman cheesecake post with a look at the - some may say - exaggerated female anatomy and slutty costumes of the female comicbook characters during the 90s wave of Bad Girls comics. As you might have guessed for me this trend had a lot of positive aspects since getting to see more busty comicbabes in costumes with less fabric ( for me some of them like Susan Storm got their breast costumes during this period like her sado / maso leather Malice outfit or her super ventilated peek - a - boo cleavage window costume after her husband's seeming demise ) and in suggestive poses was not exactly an incentive for Subzero to not buy these comicbooks.
Since one of Wonder Woman's adversaries in the Mike Deodato run is the Cheetah we explore similar feline females with the underrated erotic horror movie Cat People starring Malcolm McDowell, Anette O'Toole, Ed Begley Jr., John Laroquette ( best known as always horny serial - rapist - in - training Dan Fielding in the hit comedy show Night Court with late all natural 42C - 22 - 35 80s Power Girl Markie Post best known as Terri Michaels on The Fall Guy ) and 38B - 22 - 34 sex kitten Nastassja Kinski.
Since I mentioned her here is the episode of Inside Of You with Annette O'Toole and I hope I do not have to mention that besides playing Clark Kent's adoptive mother on Smallville she also was the older Clark Kent's hometown crush Lana Lang in Superman III. And I can't believe that with a blog named TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN I haven't posted the episode.
Coming back to the topic of Wonder Woman Brian Cronin´s 855th ( ! ) installment of Comic Book Legends Revealed over at COMIC BOOK RESOURCES examines if the first meeting between Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman happened because of a rewrite where Superman and Batman filled in for two other Justice Society Of America members.
A MOVIE RUMMAGE TABLE WITH LYNDA CARTER AND LONI ANDERSON !
We come to something somewhat comicbook related since one of the two actresses in this tv show portrayed DC Comics best known super heroine on tv while the other appeared in the most successful tv series of the 70s starring a Marvel Comics character and played the wife of an actor who had a mega hit in the 80s bringing Robert E. Howard´s best known swords & sorcery hero to the silver screen. Who also was adapted into a comic series by Marvel Comics and this would be his best comicbook series ever.
Now this is one of those rare occassions where you find something you have already given up any hope of being able to showcase it on the blog.
In this case it´s Partners In Crime which features two ultimate sexbombs : divine all natural 38D - 23 - 37 cult siren Lynda Carter and buxom former 38E - 25 - 36 knockout Loni Anderson. That´s right, I´m saying former 38E because sadly she has reduced her breathtaking busticide to a mere 38C.
For me nobody in Hollywood has eclipsed Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman so far which I have elaborated at length in various posts. I wrote the first one way way back in 2011 which I split into two posts. A very short one on Lynda Carter and a longer one on the Wonder Woman tv series of which I did an updated version of with a lot of high quality animated GIFs in 2016.
In 2019 I did a Wonder Woman post with a lot of stuff about Lynda Carter but also some original comicbook pages and in 2020 I even managed to write two Wonder Woman posts, one about Don Heck´s tenure on the book ( which also includes Nubia or how she is more often called Black Wonder Woman ) and one about the Wonder Woman comic Rich Buckler did for Power Records. I still don´t know if this was from a pre - existing comicbook or if Rich Buckler did this exclusively for Power Records. If anybody out there knows please let me know in the comments below.
Now since I have already written so many times about Lynda Carter but only about Loni Anderson two times - none of them cult siren entries - I want to take a few moments to go throught the highlights of her vitae.
BORN FOR PORN : EARLY BLOOMER LONI ANDERSON ( 37D AT AGE 14 ! )
The blonde bombshell was especially popular with all the boys at her school after she developed an incredible 37D bust at the tender age of 14 but her 37D - 20 - 32 measurements drove all guys in her home town crazy.
Because of her giant boobs she was at first merciless teased by her female classmates but that ridicule turned into envy once Loni began to draw the unwanted attention of first all the boys in her class then all male teachers.
BORN FOR PORN 2 : THERE´S SOMETHING JUMPING UNDER YOUR SHIRT
She had to ask to be exempted from gym class because the boys always were reaching under her shirts which were too short to contain her tits and when she partook in strenuous physical activities where her big boobs naturally were bouncing up and down like crazy the boys were distracted so much that quite a few injured themselves. Especially swim class was a disaster since Loni was almost sexually assaulted in the shower by the entire male part of her class after they saw her boobs all wet in a bikini.
BORN FOR PORN 3 : LONI´S MILKSHAKES BRING THE BOYS TO THE YARD
After that all the horny guys from her class ganged up on her every day during recess and shoved her into a secluded part of the school yard to take turns openly fondling her big breasts until the school bell rang again.
This went on for a few months until groping her boobs was not enough and Loni had to massage their huge boners with her huge rack. Naturally it wasn´t long before the bastards started shoving their huge horsecocks down Loni´s throat which turned into the daily recess blowjob bonanza.
ONLY THE LONI : THE SEXUAL BLOWJOB TAMING OF MISS ANDERSON
Things seemed to improve when three boys who were two classes above Loni scared all the perverts away but her hopes were quickly dashed when she learned that they only did that to use her as their personal blow up sex doll themselves. Which she found out the hard way when they crashed a field trip and bound and gagged her before she could do anything. Then they dragged her to the back of the bus and hid under some left behind sports equipment and as soon as everybody had left they stripped off Loni´s clothes and tied her to the last bench where the boys took turns.
One of the female teachers returned early and tried to stop them from using Loni like a cheap prostitute but because she was very young and had perfect tits like a pornstar and the hot body of a Playmate of the Year with legs for miles almost up to her chin the boys had wanted to slam - fuck her in the worst way for years. So they simply overpowered her, stripped her naked and tied her together with Loni with her big boobs queezed against Loni´s massive melons. Then they tag - teamed both stacked sexbombs with renewed vigor to see how loud they could make them scream until the first students started coming back. They tried to report this but this only brought more attention to Loni´s already booming pornstar body from her teachers who started to make her stay late after class for special oral assignments while it was open season on the teacher who was sexually assaulted by all her male students and colleagues alike on a daily basis.
BORN FOR PORN 4 : STRIPPING LONI ANDERSON´S PRIVATE LESSONS !
She worked her way through school by secretly winning beauty pageants by day and stripping under the name of Lay Loni at night and when she was 18 she had to become a teacher to support herself and her new baby.
She tried working as a babysitter but quickly had to give up that career since all of her clients were either pervy guys who looked much younger then they actually were and lied about their age to get Loni to spend the night in their room where they could use her like a cheap blow up sex doll.
Or boys who really were underage but had already developed a huge cock and used every dirty trick in the book to get blowjob world champion Loni to deepthroat them for hours and grant them all kinds of sexual favors.
That said a natural born men milking machine like Loni Anderson who was trained from a very young age to drain dicks like a fillipino hooker could have probably handled being relentlessly used as a sextoy by horny liars and early bloomers alike. But on top of that abuse the man of the house insisted on getting a piece of the action once he laid eyes on her body.
If she wanted to get paid she had to indulge his sexual cravings and the real reason why she quit the babysitting gig was that every assignment ended with Loni tied up completely naked in the bedroom screaming at the top of her lungs while a sweaty guy drilled her in every hole. And she just couldn´t take it anymore getting her brains banged out six ways to Sunday by a serial rapist and his Daddy the same night seven days a week.
HOT FOR TEACHER : WELCOME TO DEEPTHROAT HIGH SCHOOL LONI
Not that she had it any easier as a teacher since most of her pupils were prepubescent megahorny boys who tried to take advantage of the fact that Loni was home schooling them and needed the money doing their best to make her change the subject of her classes from english to sex ed.
Even when she managed to persuade them to stick to english their ideas of classic literature was along the lines of Fanny Hill, Lady Chatterly´s Lover, History Of O, Diary Of A Nymphomaniac, Memoirs Of An Ex - Nun With Pent Up Sexual Needs or Joy Of Sex and for film study they went with Russ Meyer movies and tried to re - enact the sex scenes with Loni.
And when they were not trying to openly assault her sexually they were always drooling all over her clevage since the thermostat was set so high that Loni had to open all the buttons of her shirt she could without her boobs popping out. At the end of the class her shirt was so sweaty that it would fit her body like a second skin and she learned very early on not to wear white shirts because it would show her full nipples or to come into the reach of her pupils because they would immediatelly rip her shirt off.
BORN FOR PORN 5 : YOUR BODY WAS NOT BUILT FOR RADIO LONI !
Best known for being married to Burt Reynolds and playing the highly - paid, sexy, intelligent, and incredibly efficient receptionist Jennifer Marlowe on WKRP in Cincinnati which turned her into a sex symbol overnight Loni was hired for the part after a decade of unemployment because the producers saw a photo of her in a stunning red swimsuit.
The show suffered through the Nielsen ratings during its four year run but had a strong and loyal following among teenagers and young adults thanks to it´s main attraction. Later on Loni played Jane Mansfield, the role she was practically born for alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger and appeared in the episode Of Guilt, Models And Murders on The Incredible Hulk tv show.
BORN FOR PORN 6 : TEAMING UP WITH WONDER WOMAN LYNDA CARTER
So it made perfect sense to pair her with ultimate tv sex icon Lynda Carter in Partners In Crime ( whew, you never thought we would get back to this ). The premisse of the show is that both were married to the same man and meet at his funeral. They inherit a mansion and a detective agency and after solving the mistery of his murder they decide to continue the detective agency to pay the mortage on the mansion they inherited.
BORN FOR PORN 7 : A STACKED CAST - BUSENWUNDER LONI ANDERSON
Now before going any further I have to give kudos to any guy - fictional or not - who manages to get married not only to lustful Loni Anderson but also to love machine Lynda Carter. I wouldn´t precisely call it an upgrade to go from Lynda Carter to Loni Anderson because Lynda Carter is one of my all time tv crushes but on the other hand if you have to pick somebody as a substitute for Lynda Carter you better hope to get someone of the calibre of Busenwunder Loni Anderson who has such an incredible body that she was tapped to bring three Hollywood Hall of Boob Fame All Stars to busty live : Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Mamie Van Doren.
BORN FOR PORN 8 : A STACKED CAST - NO WONDER BRA FOR LYNDA
Man, no matter why they finally got divorced ( he probably couldn´t keep up with those ultimate men milking machines ) the wedding nights with these incredible sex goddessess must have been beyond epic. Although the term " wedding night " might not be appropriate since he probably didn´t let them leave the bedroom for two weeks during which he fulfilled every wet sex dream he ever had until they completely wore his dick out.
Not to mention the other perks of marriage like coming home after a hard day of work only to find one of these horny dicktamers waiting for him or being able to work out any frustrations in the bedroom. And I don´t mean with his fists but through sweaty sex marathons. Man, can you imagine what a crazy bedroom fury young Lynda Carter must have been between the sheets ? Not only did she have a body that could easily multiply the sales numbers of any adult magazine - as she more than proved in her segment of the 1991 made for tv movie Posing : Inspired By Three Real Stories also known as I Posed for Playboy - with her background as a dancer she was extremely flexible and could not only do the splits at the drop of a hat but also bend her nubile body in all kind of imaginable ways.
By the way, if you haven´t done it by now do yourself a favour and check out Bobbie Joe And The Outlaw which contains the only nude scene of then 25 years old Lynda Carter in her prime. In any case having two of the hottest commodities of that time on the same television show alone should have been worth the price of admission so why did the show tank ?
BORN FOR PORN 9 : LOST IN SYNDICATION - BOOBS vs GOOD WRITING !
Well, besides the two actresses being stoked to work on the project and willing to put their breast foot forward the series was plagued by a literal litany of problems ( all of which you can read at detail in Eric Grigs article The Case Of The Partners In Crime Curse over at POP TRASH MUSEUM ) starting with airing the episodes out of order to capitalize on Vanessa Williams guest - starring in episode two to replacing the original show creator with hacks who turned a character driven show into cheap jiggle tv only interested in sex appeal and amping the T & A factor to the max.
Not that there´s anything wrong with that. If I had been the producer of this there would have been an obligatory 5 minutes minimum bikini scene with both actresses wearing the tiniest bikinis I could get past tv censors in every episode which would have been balls to the wall cleavage fest with the girls going undercover as lingerie models or high class escort girls ( you can´t have women of class like Lynda Carter and Loni Anderson go undercover as simple street hookers since their cover would be instantly blown because they attract a superior clientele without trying too hard ).
But the fact is despite Lynda Carter and Loni Anderson doing their best to entertain while wearing some pretty hot outfits on the show - with Loni Anderson wearing the more revealing ones and even a white bikini in one episode - and having some impressive guest stars the show never got high ratings and only lasted for 13 episodes. Which you now can find on the YouTube channel below which is the whole reason why I put it on the blog.
Now I have never seen the show and I haven´t had the time to watch any of the episodes since I discovered the channel so I have to go out on a limb and hope I picked a good one. Being more a Lynda Carter fan than a Loni Anderson fan the preview thumbnail should give you a good idea why I picked this episode which not only features what might very well be Lynda Carter´s best outfit of the entire show but also David Soul from Starsky & Hutch. That´s right, Lynda Carter guest - starred on their show and now David Soul has come to Partners In Crime to return the favor. I hope you enjoy the episode and as always you never know how long videos will stay on YouTube so you better be quick and watch them before they are gone.
ART IMITATING LIFE : LONI ANDERSON´S INFLUENCE ON COMICBOOKS
Beyond that Loni Anderson had a big impact on pop culture although in a more subtle and lesser known kind of way since a lot of comicbook artists - with John Byrne and Paul Pelletier being the most obvious ones ( the second of which should be no surprise to any comicbook afficionado worth his salt since he started off imitating John Byrne´s style ) - based the look of their female protagonists on Loni Anderson´s facial features.
Especially in Paul Pelletier´s early work you can see the signature traits that mark Loni Anderson as an expert of oral sex : perfect blowjob lipps made to be wrapped around a rock hard erection and those pronounced cheekbones women only get from decades of excessive deepthroating.
BUILT FOR SEX : LONI´S EARLY LIFE or HOW TO GET A HEAD IN SCHOOL
On which Loni Anderson got a "head start " ( sorry for the bad pun ) from an early age since her breasts almost exploded to the aforementioned almost inhuman 37D bust after her 14th birthday which enticed her male classmates to start her oral education. At first they were content with taking turns motorboating her every day during recess in a secluded part of the school yard until groping her boobs was not enough and Loni had to massage their pulsating boners with her booming teenage titties. Naturally it wasn´t long before it turned into the daily recess deepthroat marathon.
At this point three delinquents from her school who were 18 noticed Loni and as soon as they got a good eyeful of her overdeveloped double airbags almost popping out of her microscopic bikini - at least it looked that way in comparision - they decided it was about time to take a more active interest in improving her oral skills. So after the incident at the field trip I mentioned where they savagely dick - tamed the underage Busenwunder and a teacher with perfectly shaped breasts who had tried to help her in the back of the bus every day after school they insisted on giving Loni a ride home. This ride of course included a detour to their club house and special soundproof " taming room " where they forced her to swallow their massive monstercocks for hours - a skill set that would come in handy during her college years as the " head " cheerleader but especially in her acting career. With her body Loni was grade a casting couch material.
BUILT FOR SEX 2 : PRIME CASTING COUCH CANDIDATE LONI ANDERSON !
Loni didn´t want to get her roles that way but very few studio execs had much faith in her abilities as an actress so she had to swallow her pride and use what Mother Nature had given her in abundance to get work.
But her pride was not the only thing Loni Anderson had to swallow as every horny guy in Hollywood with a bit of influence lined up to put her pornstar body through the paces once word got out what an incredible dickdrainer she was. Loni´s days were completely booked with auditions and they often lasted into the night when they were relocated to the honeymoon suite of a luxurious five star hotel where three influential movie people would take turns pounding Loni´s hardbody into submission.
Thankfully she had a lot of practice spreading her legs like a cheap hooker during her time in school because it was the only way for her to get roles.
Loni was constantly in a horizontal position because even if they had planned to give her the role she had come to audition for from the start she still had to spend countless hours on the casting couch taking it in every position because they just couldn´t let the once - in - a - lifetime chance pass to slam - fuck an ultimate breed mare like Loni Anderson.
She was just destined to be a sextoy for men because even if there was a decent bloke among them who hadn´t planned to take advantage of Loni all his good intentions flew right out the window as soon as she entered the audition room and he got a look at her bonerinducing body. Then his most basic instincts would kick in and he would ravage her until morning.
At first Loni managed to avoid being sexually assaulted thanks to her superior deepthroating abilities but those horny perverts were not always satisfied with an hourlong blowjob and whenever she failed to completely drain them things would turn serious. And when you think they were dick - taming Loni Anderson hard as a brunette that was nothing compared to the upcoming sperm storm she was subjected to as those serial rapist were sent into a fuck frenzy when Loni changed her hair color to blond.
She was merciless assssaulted by huge monstercocks from all sides which relentlessly penetrated every orifice of her body and stretched out all her holes. On top of that the brutal attacks were so overwhelming that she was completely helpless againt them and had no choice but to try and endure. They literally drowned the poor gal in cum and at one point things got so far out of control that Loni had to start taking self defense lessons.
BUILT FOR SEX 3 : GOT MYSELF A WALKING, TALKING LIVING DOLL !
Coming back to Loni Anderson´s impact on not only pop culture but culture in general, comicbook artists weren´t the only ones who took inspiration from her mindblowing physique. And since she already looked like a walking talking blow up sex doll it was only a matter of time before somebody met the demand of Loni Anderson dolls. The first one was a 11 1/2 inch prototype doll for the IDEAL TOY COMPANY that never went into production while the second one to bear her distinctive facial features was a life - size blow up sex doll that not only went into production but was constantly in rotation to meet the high demand. It was one of the bestsellers and throughout the late 70s and 80s the " Loni Anderson " was one of the most sold love dolls in 52 states - including the bible belt states - and was the most popular amongst truckers and state prison inmates.
BORN FOR PORN 10 : CASTING A LONI ANDERSON SUPER HEROINE MOVIE
Now since I haven´t written much about Loni Anderson up to this point I haven´t done the obligatory super heroine movie casting and the obvious choice would of course be my favorite super heroine of all times, DC Comics Maid of the Massive Mammaries with the magical boob cleavage window, the one and only, often imitated never duplicated Power Girl.
Not only because she´s my favorite but also because Loni Anderson in her prime state would have been one hell of a Power Girl. Talk about a missed opportunity. Power Girl always worked best when paired with Guy Gardner so my Justice League Of America movie would include one of Guy´s usual schemes to have sex with Power Girl. Only I would flip the script on its head and this time it would be Power Girl who instigated the whole thing to get Guy Gardner to fuck her brains out by using ye olde " fake diary with a passage about how Power Girl turns into a cum crazy deepthroat addict when she is drunk " schtick. And the whole thing would take place on Kooeykooey island during the fake fertility fest Power Girl arranged.
That way I could get Busenwunder Loni Anderson to wear Power Girl´s famous coconut bra - without the coconuts of course. Anyway, that would be the obvious choice and if there´s one thing that my longtime followers know me to be than it´s anything but obvious. So my choice for Loni would be Princess Projectra from one of my all time favorite super hero teams - the Legion of Super - Heroes - and I would put her into her 70s disco outfit which is basically one big cleavage from her neck all the way down to one inch above her private parts, boots and a cape. Which I am sure Loni Anderson could have easily pulled off without breaking a sweat.
As for what kind of scenes I would see her in I have already written about the secret sex orgies the Legion girls celebrated behind closed doors in my latest LEGION OF SUPER - HEROES tribute post so just click there to read more and this way I could add a few of my favorite sexbombs to the cast.
This being a Wonder Woman post I have to mention Lynda Carter's best known role but since I already posted the episode of Ayer Nomas about Wonder Woman here is one about what all the actors did afterwards.
BORN FOR PORN 11 : I SPY WITH MY LITTLE HAWKEYE LYNDA CARTER
One of the shows Lynda Carter did after Wonder Woman was Hawkeye ( scout Natty Bumppo from the books of James Fenimore Cooper not the Marvel Comic character who was named after him ) and she was the main reason why anyone was watching it. Whether you thought the series was awesome or you thought it was just good you were always waiting for the parts with super MILF Lynda Carter breathing heavily.
Now I couldn't find out from which episode the animated GIF above is ( and believe me, I tried so if you know let me know in the comments below ) but for the longest time I wanted to include Hawkeye in one of my posts but I just didn't have any good material. Well, just the other day I came upon a YouTube channel with a lot of different tv series in high quality and lo and behold there was the first part of this pilot.
For some reason they only have the first episodes of most of the series but I found the second part of the pilot episode - although not in such a high quality sorry guys - on another channel which has dozens of the episodes if you want to continue the series or just find out if Lynda Carter's awesome breasts DO spill out of her tight corset eventually.
Coming back to comicbooks, while Wonder Woman's time interacting with the infamous Bwa Ha Ha League by J. M. DeMatteis and Keith Giffen was limited due to what was going on in the George Perez penned post Crisis On Infinite Earths WONDER WOMAN book I wanted to include this video about DC's unlikely surprise hit that turned a lot of readers into Justice League Of America fans and put artist Kevin Maguire on the map.
CONANS EVERYWHERE or WOULD THE REAL CONAN PLEASE STAND UP
Another famous actor I mentioned in this post is Arnold Schwarzenegger and for those who have not figured out the name of Robert E. Howard's best known swords & sorcery ( a fantasy genre he created ) character which was one of Marvel's most successful licensed properties together with ROM and STAR WARS here is the Making Of Conan The Barbarian.
Over the decades there have been a few series starring Conan so El Tebeonauta has a few tips where to start reading. As for me anybody who has visited this blog regularly over a longer period of time knows that I am a big fan of the Marvel Comics series written by Roy Thomas and while I can appreciate the initial issues by Barry Windsor - Smith my favorite part of the series begins when John Buscema takes over the art.
Which he did for the next 15 years. I got my first taste of US comicbooks from an uncle who was a G. I. and brought us a huge stack of comics one day, most of them issues of Conan The Barbarian by John Buscema which ruined me for all other interpretations of the character. John Buscema also did a lot of The Savage Sword Of Conan, one of Marvel Comics best - selling black and white magazines since they did not have to follow the rules of the Comics Code Authority and so could have some nudity in the stories which attracted a lot of other high class artists like Neal Adams or Jim Starlin and most of the inks were done by Ernie Chan, Tony DeZuniga and Alfredo Alcala who sometimes also did the pencil art in the issues.
Because my late brother was a much bigger Conan fan than me I left collecting the books to him and he had a lot of the spanish and german hardcovers of The Savage Sword Of Conan and I didn't start getting some issues for my own comicbook collection until I found the US editions at the international press newsstand at Stuttgart Central Railway Station.
Among all the comic titles they got Conan The Barbarian was one they got rather infrequently and I came in at the end of John Buscema's run on the book but before Geof Isherwood took over. As for the classic John Buscema issues besides a few King Conan albums from the Condor Verlag I started to get the reprints by Dark Horse because the first few volumes looked pretty good but by the fifth or sixth trade they had already given up trying to make it look good and the colors looked all muddy and dirty.
I bought the first two omnibus editions for my late brother - the first one in spanish because of the smaller price tag and the second one in the US edition because I found it at amazon with a discount - but by the time he got the second one his mind was already too far gone to appreciate it and he never got to even start on the book. Anyway, my favorite issues are in the fourth volume and since I didn't want to get all the volumes I bought the spanish edition - once again because of the lower price tag - during my only visit to a comicbook shop since I got here in April 2021.
So my recommendation for anybody interested in reading Conan would be to start at the top with the classics but be warned : after reading these comicbooks you will find it hard to read through all the mediocre Conan adaptions out there. And even some of the better ones because I tried to get into the series by Kurt Busiek and I just could not because the typewriter font got me out of the story. I know what he was trying to go for with that choice but for me when I am reading about Conan I want to forget about everything else and not be reminded in every panel that Conan is only a fictional character and somebody is making all of this up.
A german channel I just recently discovered is Wine & Paper where they talk about wine and paper products - as one can surmise from the title - and they even have an episode about the Conan comics of old and the new ones. What I don't like is that they almost exclusively show pictures from the new comics when the older ones are the better comicbooks.
Don't get me wrong, the new ones have nice pictures but compared to the great John Buscema they can't help but end up loosing. As for the story I have read two of them now - one as a GRATIS COMIC TAG edition and the other one was a present my brother got for Christmas - and I have to say that none of the stories is as good as what Roy Thomas wrote. Especially the book about Belit fell flat because in the Marvel Comics series Belit is a character that stays with Conan for an extended period of time - probably the longest female companion in the whole run - so when she dies it has a deep impact. In the book this tragic incident has no emotional impact because she just shows up a dozen of pages earlier and then is gone. I know that you can't condense a story arc that takes several years into one book but with a good writer you feel the loss of a character even if you just met him a few pages earlier. Also who says they have to put all of Belit's story into one book ? In any case, as it is probably not a surprise for anybody I can't recommend the new books.
The female version of Conan The Barbarian - but with the body of Power Girl - is Weissblech Comics Luba Wolftail ( for a short synopsis what the comic series is all about check out my MARVEL AGE OF COMICS post ) and so far not too many issues have come out so it is still possible to start at ground zero. As for me, since I currently don't have any comic spending money I had to take a sabbatical from Weissblech and I can't even read them online like the american comicbooks since nobody scans these.
There is also a Conan in real life although he's very different from Robert E. Howard's barbarian, Conan O'Brien and it's been a hot minute since I posted one of his videos. I think one of the reasons why he is such an entertaining comedian is that unlike others he pokes fun at himself and he is not afraid to look stupid. He openly admits when he knows nothing about things - like video games which makes his con reports so hilarious.
I also have to mention the third Conan, Conan Edogawa a.k.a. teenage hobby detective Shinichi Kudo and I wrote a synopsis of Case Closed - the manga in which he appears - way back in 2006 . For those who can't get enough of Shinichi check out my Bill Ward tribute post from March which includes a video about the history of the book, a full length live action feature Shinichi Kudo film - about one of the cases he solved before the men in black gave him the experimental poison that shrank his body - as well as my usual comicbook movie casting for Ran Mouri. Now some of the videos I posted with Ran in swimsuits and losing her towel - naturally in front of Conan who got an extreme case of nosebleed upon seeing her naked body but especially her big, juicy oppai - got deleted by YouTube.
But the post also features other famous detectives like super sleuth Nick Knatterton ( including the full movie The Adventures Of Nick Knatterton : The Theft Of Gloria Nylon ), Sherlock Holmes in films and cartoons and Hans Albers and Heinz Ruehmann in The Man Who Was Sherlock Holmes.
Back to Conan The Barbarian territory this is kind of a crossover since The Quest For The Mighty Sword was also billed as Troll III and Ator IV.
From the criminal organisation known only as the men in black from Case Closed we come to a different group also called the Men In Black and to get us into the mood here is Will Smith kicking it Big Willie style with the title track from the soundtrack of the movie. He also had a big hit with his song for the second movie and with the brouhahaha about the Oscars people forget how big Will Smith has been in music, movies and on tv.
ONCE YOU HAD BLACK YOU NEVER GO BACK or FRESH TITS OF BEL AIR
Of course he is best known from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air where he got to star alongside afro american 40C - 22 - 35 aphrodite Tatyana Ali.
She played Ashley Banks and was a big part of that show´s success and continued appeal around the world ( there are only a few people who can´t recite the title song in their sleep ) as she grew from a cute little girl into an incredible teenage sexmachine in front of the entire planet.
Much to the chagrin of the show´s producers she really bOObed all out in movie appearances like The Clown at Midnight or Fall Into Darkness.
Now Will Smith has gone on record that the relationship between him and the insanely do - able Tatyana Ali has always been like between a big brother and his little sister but I don´t believe he never put Tatyana's blooming and booming tireless teenage body to the test not even once.
Either that or the relationship between a big brother and his little sister and what happens between them at night behind bedroom doors ( or in the shower during the day ) is a lot different where Will Smith grew up.
To tell the truth if I would have been in Will Smith´s position I would have relentlessly tamed Tatyana Ali in all the positions especially if we felt like brother and sister but we were not related. Heck, I probably would have tapped that even if she had been my real sister. It must be one of the most incredible displays of willpower ( no pun intended but that would be a great title for an autobiography ) that he didn´t pound her blossoming teenage porn body into submission six ways to Sunday.
Daimn, nubian wet sex dream Tatyana Ali definitely has one of the best all natural ( ! ) racks in Hollywood and she still looks absolutely terrific.
The only other explanation for not using Tatyana Ali as his personal blow up sex doll during every break until she became his willing sex slave is that whenever Tatyana got Will hard enough to cut a diamond he vented his pent up sexual energy on one of the other blow up sex dolls on set.
Like buxom dicktamer Yunoka Doyle who played Ashley Banks´ early blooming bosom buddy Keesha - with a big emphasis on the bosom part - and probably spent the rest of the day after everybody else had left screaming at the top of her huge lungs as Will banged her brains out.
THESE ALIENS ARE NOT THE ILLEGAL ALIENS WE ARE LOOKING FOR
Coming back from black blow up sex dolls to Men In Black while most people know the movies very few know there was also a cartoon show.
Now the cartoon - as well as the movies - is loosely based on the comic series which some people say is a Marvel comic. But of course it is not as simple as that. You see, the comicbook was originally published by Aircel Comics who were bought out by Malibu Comics who were in turn bought out by Marvel Comics ( because they needed their coloring department to compete with Image Comics digital coloring ) who were later bought out by Disney so Men In Black should be a Disney property, right ? Wrong.
The Men In Black comicbook is a Disney property BUT when Sony made the movies and the animated series they got the license from Malibu Comics and like Spider - Man they are not giving it back anytime soon.
So how can you improve on the concept of cops who guard earth against aliens ? Well, if you're Paul De Meo and Danny Bilson ( the writing duo of the 90s Flash tv show ) by adding time travel to the mix like in Trancers.
Speaking about 90s tv shows, another science fiction series that went into a completely different direction was VR5 which tackled the then current topic of virtual reality and if you never hear of it that's because it failed to connect with its audience. I will leave it to Forgotten TV to explain exactly why the show did not have more success but they forget to mentioned the most important thing about the show in the video and that is that they had the aforementioned Markie Post in one episode.
In the first Men In Black movie the MacGuffin was hidden in the belt of Orion which brings us to Space Patrol Orion, one of the big german science fiction tv shows from my misspent youth. I don't think I have posted episode five yet but the episodes keep getting deleted and I keep posting them. Back then Germany was on the cutting edge of tv and movie entertainment and something went seriously wrong from there.
Now I wanted to keep the science fiction vibe for my german audience going but for some reason all the episodes of Captain Future have been deleted by YouTube so instead here is an episode of the Biker Mice From Mars - which they didn't even try to translate. And there could have been so many possibilities for a german title like Marsianische Mopedmaeuse.
Speaking of german translations, like I explained in the introduction Wonder Woman was called Wundergirl in the old german comicbooks by Ehapa Verlag which led to problems when they published SUPERMAN PRAESENTIERT : JUNGE GIGANTEN ( The New Teen Titans ) because one of the founding members of the team was Donna Troy a.k.a. Wondergirl.
Well, in the following video Crayton tries to unravel the mystery why of all things Wonder Woman was called Wundergirl in Germany instead of something more simple and fitting like Wunderfrau. Or if they wanted to keep the double W alliteration they could have gone with Wunderweib.
Closing out the german language section of the cult post addendum we have something special : a concert with Otto Waalkes. The man, the myth, the legend. Starting with improvisation and stand up comedy he followed it up with a tv show, various movies and even a cartoon show - which he himself drew. During his comedy programs he always did funny german versions of famous songs so I guess a concert was the next step.
We come to a cult siren who is not on the blog very often or at least not as often as some of the others and definitely not as often as I would like her to be : 42E ( !!! ) - 23 - 34 latin mega MILF Rosie Perez ( here MILF stands for Massita I would Like to F - word for the next three months ) whose titanic twin torpedoes almost popped out of her dress during her bonerinducing appearance on The Late Show with host David Letterman.
Daimn, Rosie is one of the hottest MILFs in showbiz and you have to keep in mind that this appearance was way back in August of 2005 when she was still only ( !!! ) a 37E cup and when you look at her now she´s making actresses curse and pornstars envious with her giant 42E ( !!! ) melons.
But I´m not the only one who is fascinated by Rosie´s rapidly rising rotund rack as they were even immortalized in a song by Kanye West much to the chagrin of Rosie : " I'm a woman of a certain age, if you're gonna mention me in a song, have a little respect. He mentions my breasts. When you walk down the street and you have 15 - year - old boys ... they're like, ' Yo, Rosie, D's D's, Rosie Perez,' it's no good." I´m not sure what being a woman of a " certain age " has to do with it, because strangers singing about the size of your breasts would have you uncomfortable at any age.
Someone who surely has some thoughts along that line is Craig Ferguson who made her come again and again ... as a guest on his show I mean.
Which is where the whole impetus to feature Rosie Perez again started.
Because I found a video - in HQ - with all of her appearances on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and since I´m not sure if I already posted it I decided to share it with my loyal followers even if it´s a re - post. The second reason for Rosie Perez´ return is that for the last six years I have been using the same animated GIFs of her while the other cult sirens got bigger and better GIFs. So it was about time that Rosie got an upgrade.
And last but not least I wanted to include her in this post because I found a plethora of new videos with her. At first I wanted to do a Best Of The Breast of Rosie with her bustiest and bounciest moments but then I found so many new videos of her earliest talk show appearances that I thought my audience would prefer to get some new material with Rosie Perez.
Now whenever I featured Rosie Perez I always mentioned that her breasts get bigger and bigger each year and I bet a lot of people thought this was either my sexual obsession with women with oversized boobs at work or the old overenthusiastic Subzero hyperbole. Now I may have embellished a few things in my cult siren entries but if you watch these appearances in chronological order her funbags INDEED get bigger and bigger each year.
There's not much I can say about Dance Like We're Making Love by Ciara aside from the fact that I especially chose this for Terry Dodson hoping he can learn something from it. He knows what I'm talking about ( as do my regular readers ) and maybe his next project won't be so infested by SJW ideology like Adventureman. Don't get me wrong, the pictures are nice but you kind of miss the days when he could draw a female without worrying about making her too sexy because that would set toxic women and lesbians on the war path. Also these political correct, all inclusive, racial diverse patchwork families only exist in fiction and in the mind.
Just when you thought we were all done with Go Nagai along comes Festival Of The Robots, a latin american 80s tv program that included the anime series - The Avenger ( Steel Jeeg 1975 ), The Gladiator ( Great Dragon Gaiking 1976 ), Supermagnetron ( Magne Robo Gakeen 1976 ) and The Galactic ( Starzinger 1978 ). While all of these series were produced after Mazinger Z they arrived much earlier in countries like Peru so they blew little kids minds who had seen nothing like this. In this video we learn all about The Avenger created by Go Nagai and Tatsuya Yasuda.
Who did the title songs of The Avenger and The Gladiator is Guillermo " Capitan Memo " Aguiire best known for the spanish intros for Spider - Man, Spiderwoman, The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk and Thor amongst others. He also worked on the spanish version of Little Lulu although I think that was the original cartoon and this one seems newer.
Speaking of spanish versions, there finally is a spanish JoBlo channel so today's forgotten horror movie masterpiece is John Carpenter's In The Mouth Of Madness. This is one of the few movies I bought after coming to Spain and the main reason was that it was heavily cut in Germany.
The quality of John Carpenter's film output during the 90s was far below earlier decades but In The Mouth Of Madness is not only one of his best films it also has what may be the best performance of Sam Neil's career.
As an interesting tidbit the director of the mental institution is played by John Glover who was Lex Luthor's father Lionel Luthor on Smallville.
We come to a different kind of madness with Two Lucky Crazy Guys ( original title Nati Con La Camicia ) starring Bud Spencer and Terence Hill as two guys who are mistaken first for robbers and later Secret Agents.
Ever since Tatiana Delgado ( the spanish stripper from Madrid not the politician from Venezuela ) appeared on spanish tv I wanted to post a video with her and while I did not find one of her famous stripteases I came across one of her go go dancing almost naked in a club. Of course the clip has an age restriction so here is one that is safer for YouTube.
Secret Agents part 3 : closing out our spanish language section we have episode 24 from season 1 of Man In A Suitcase called Which Way Did He Go McGill ? guest starring Donald Sutherland. The show is the 60s version of Burn Notice as we follow former Secret Agent McGill who takes on odd jobs after being thrown out of the agency for something he did not do.
I´m not sure if this is a re - post but seeing as it has been 7 years since I uploaded it - and the video was deleted from YouTube since then which means a lot of my newer visitors might not have seen it - I´m including it. This cult classic is not only one of my favorite vampire movies but one of my favorite horror movies period starring not only a trifecta of horror movie sexbombs including brabuster Luan Peters but also Peter Cushing.
I´m talking about Twins Of Evil from the legendary Hammer Studios in which a young, nubile playmate is seduced by a charismatic vampire.
And when I say " playmate " I mean that literally since the role of the female leads Maria and Frieda Gellhorn are played by Mary ( 36C - 25 - 36 ) and Madeleine ( 34C - 22 - 35 ) Collinson, who were not only the Playmates Of The Month of October 1970 but also the first ever pair of identical twin sisters to do a nude pictorial for PLAYBOY magazine. They obviously are the main attraction of the movie but Luan Peters´ bonerinducing cleavage manages to eclipse both of them in the few scenes she has in the movie.
Speaking of Luan Peters, I missed her birthday on June the 18th and for the longest time I didn´t know her name, I only remembered her from an obsure erotic movie and I forgot the title. I really wish I had found the information on her sooner since Luan Peters sadly passed away in 2017.
The buxom blonde also had a singing career. Born as Carol Hirsch she changed her name to Karol Keyes as the frontwoman of the band of the same name and she also was the frontwoman of the band The Big Sound formerly known as The Fat Sound. After leaving that band she became the frontwoman of the band 5000 Volts, succeding Tina Charles under her new name of Luan Peters. She also appeared on the german show Musikladen on the 8th of October in 1977 performing her single Love Countdown.
Besides another Hammer Films production Lust For A Vampire Luan Peters has appeared on such tv shows like Doctor Who, The Professionals and Fawlty Towers but her greatest claim to nude boob fame is revealing her impressive 42 inch bust in Pacific Banana also known as Banana Airlines.
Her erotic dance is really all I recall from the movie and that the main character suffered from a weird case of erectile dysfunction. Anyway, here is some patented playmate twin magic long before the Bella Sisters.
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When does fiction become religion ?
