If you don´t only read omnibus collections, epic collections, Marvel Masterworks, Essentials or other trades and have actually read a Bronze Age comicbook you know that besides in - house ads for DC Comics ( which we covered in this post ) and the Hostess Fruit Pie ads ( you can check out some of their ads from Marvel Comics , DC Comics and Harvey Comics in previous posts ) they had ads that sold all kind of crazy stuff.
This was the internet for little boys before the internet existed and the things that were sold ranged from stuff that actually worked to articles that didn´t work as promised, stuff that was actually quite dangerous to upright scams and fraud. It ran the gamut from ads that promised a high income in a new career to pop culture fan merchandise, posters, records, fascinating hobbies like stamp collecting and land in Florida for 1,00 Dollar.
Now I don´t want to bore you with a long monologue about the topic - especially since Comic Tropes already made such a great video on the subject which you will find after these ads - but as ridiculous as they sometimes could be ( a working nuclear submarine ? ) they were exciting and compared to those ads Today´s ads in comics look downright boring.
As usual I have included a few personal favorites like the Sea Monkeys and I have tried not to have too many ads of a similar kind. Also back then kids could buy guns through comicbooks. Was that really such a good idea ?
As promised in the intro here is Comic Tropes video about the comicbook ads / scams that is much better researched than I ever have the time for.
We are coming to the birthday section and continuing where we left off here are some of Today´s anniversaries. And I´m saying some because putting all the birthdays for April the 12th into one post would be too much so I decided to split them up between this and the next two posts.
Anyway, we start with J. Scott Campbell who turns 47 and this got me thinking how some artists can go from red hot superstar to almost forgotten. I mean, he is still a great artist - just check out his pages for Spawn 300 - but he is only doing covers now. I remember that around the time Danger Girl came out he was so high in the artistic atmosphere that it was almost on another level. They had to create the special Cliffhanger imprint at iMAGE for the mega successful series Battle Chasers and so on.
They even did a promotion tour in Germany and I remember my late brother and me making a road trip that took a few hours to some city we had never been to just to get some comicbooks signed by J. Scott Campbell, Joe Madureiras and Adam Hughes ( who had just done the mindblowing GEN 13 ORDINARY HEROES two part mini series ). Another reason why the trip was so memorable was that just as we entered the city limit the exhaust pipe of our car broke so the muffler didn´t work.
Which meant that for the entire trip back our little Fiat sounded like a tank and when we were finally at home we spend a few hours just sitting there with our heads still ringing. Ah, good times. Anyway, coming back to Danger Girl I remember that there were a gazillion variant covers on the series - it was probably one of the first to really cash in on that - and I bought multiple copies. Not to sell them or as an investment but back in those days I mostly read floppies and since I didn´t have that many series I re - read the issues I really liked again and again until they were worn out.
So I bought two copies, one copy to read and one to have it in pristine condition for my comicbook collection. But with Danger Girl the issues were so sought after that they quickly sold out so I had to go for the collected edition which were two issues collected in the prestige format.
I have to say that I never bought the trade with the complete collection which J. Scott Campbell keeps releasing in one iteration after another - like Dale Keown has done for more than a decade with The Pitt - and one of them days I would like to get a hardcover with the complete series.
Now mind you, not the endless stream of mini series by less talented creators, just the J. Scott Campbell stuff. And maybe the story Arthur Adams did. That one was dope. Anyway, J Scott Campbell never returned to the success he had with Danger Girl and he is just doing covers now.
Mostly for Disney´s awful SJW - infested version of Marvel Comics which doesn´t exactly help the situation. Still for doing the art on some stuff I DID like - Gen 13, Danger Girl - many happy returns mate. And it wouldn´t hurt to do some interior work once in a while, you know ? Think about it.
After so much bitching on my part we come to somebody who is known for being a real rhymes - with - witch in her movie and tv roles as well as in real life : 36C - 24 - 34 bad girl Shannen Doherty who celebrates her 49th birthday. Of all her tv shows I have seen the most of her as the oldest and sluttiest Halliwell sister. She played a witch on the show and was a bitch with her co - star, repentant born for porn blow up sex doll Alyssa Milano.
Sexbomb Alyssa Milano ( who got two entries on this blog, the main post and the bonus round with her best episodes on CHARMED ) is of course best known as the most charming, sexiest and all around greatest of all the Halliwell witches, Phoebe Halliwell on the cult tv show Charmed.
According to some interviews she gave later she wasn´t so keen on some of the sexy outfits but Alyssa was the main reason why guys watched the show, it was all to see her shaking her hips as a sultry belly dancer with her tits hanging out or an almost naked mermaid. Also Alyssa was busy taming male co - stars Julian McMahon and Brian Krause as her personal sex slaves.
I did a re - post of Alyssa Milano´s cult siren entry on her birthday in 2016 - and finally did a superpimed version with a plethora of GIFs just last year - and it is weird that she is trying to make herself the feminist figurehead of the Me Too movement with such actions like a proposal of a sex strike.
I wonder whom she is trying to make forget her nude roles, us or herself.
From the moment she showed her perfectly shaped tits to the world on Outer Limits - thanks to the lower restrictions of the Sci Fi Channel - it was clear this blow up sex doll was born for porn which she proved with her completely uninhibited sex scenes in Embrace Of The Vampire .
Speaking of sex bombs born for porn, the first tv show where Shannen Doherty became famous also starred bra buster Tiffany Amber Thiessen .
The buxom brunette with the best set of natural breasts in Hollywood - at least according to Howard Stern and believe me he has done some very extensive research in that department - has been scorching the tv screen for quite some time with her curvaceous hardbody and her giant - sized überdeveloped 37DD Beverly Hills much to the delight of males worldwide.
Behind the screen Tiffany Amber Thiessen was an even bigger sex freak and partook in behind the scenes sex marathons where the male crew members took turns banging her brains out and often tagteamed her.
I never was a big fan of the Beverly Hills, 90210 show but that quickly changed when I saw wet Tiffani Thiessen´s booming breasts in a bikini - which was a product of mother nature - and Tori Spelling´s growing boobs - which were a gift of Daddy and the best plastic surgery money could buy.
There was a special episode that got my attention in which Tori Spelling was dancing in a leather hooker outfit while shooting a rock music video.
She really was just shaking her big boobs in the general direction of the camera but that she did very effectively. I never was a big Tori Spelling fan but she really squeezed her huge breast into a tight leather top and just pushed them straight in your face. Now that´s what I call entertainment.
What I find a bit strange is how did such a scene get approved when her father was producing this ? Should I be concerned that Daddy dearest put it in the script or does this say more about his employees ? Maybe some disgruntled writer just decided to put his boss´ daughter into a hooker outfit and let her dance for him as payback for sleeping with his wife.
" Okay, Tori, do you think you can move more like a prostitute ? And we need to make the outfit sluttier. This is supposed to be a rock video. "
Those directors got it made, they just go " Okay guys, in the next four episodes Tiffani dresses up as a prostitute. And she has to do at least one striptease and two nude sex scenes in each episode. Which is really necessary for her character. Oh yeah, and send her to my trailer for .... extreme rehearsal. We have to go over the scene ... orally. " Those horny perverts are to thank for that Tiffani was so often in bikinis on that show.
Speaking about hookers, besides appearing on Beverly Hills 90210 Tiffani also was on Saved by the Bell with Elizabeth Berkley who revealed her real stripper nature in Showgirls ( she was practically dicktamed for this role by the cast members - and producers - of Saved By The Bell who took turns slambanging her senseless when they were not busy using Tiffany Amber Thiessen as a blow up sex doll ). The movie was called a flop when it first come out but in the meantime it has become a cult classic mainly based on Elizabeth´s stripper moves which left me no other chance than cast her as one of my alternate choices for Nympho Supergirl from Earth XXX in my second alternatives post for casting the Justice League movie .
She would get a different origin in which her rocket was bombarded by the radiation of pink kryptonite which turns all female kryptonians into super horny blow up sex dolls. Because of the long exposure to the pink kryptonite the effects would be permanent ( instead of only temporary like usual ) and Nympho Supergirl would have different powers like sex strength, peep vision, erection vision, perv hearing, orgasmic flight, ovaric speed, tantra healing, kama sutra flexibility, sex olympics stamina, multiple position memory, fellatio breath and deepthroat breath. I would say she also has the power to give all men giant erections making their pulsating dicks hard enough to cut diamonds as soon as they look at her but with Miss Berkeley´s super sexy stripper moves that´s a given.
But double jointed Elizabeth not only licks the chrome off your steelhard pole she has the all important " pumping pelvic thrust " move down to pat.
I bet that comes in handy with that portable casting couch she allegedly has and I would not mind being at the receiving end of that a few hours .
I finally found the episode of Raven that featured Elizabeth Berkley - I most vividly remember the parts with her in a cut off jeans with her butt hanging out - and I´m sorry for the bad quality but it´s the only video.
Now Shannen Doherty was probably a guest on our next candidate´s talk show since everybody who was somebody visited David Letterman who turns 73. I think he has since retired but with so many fantastic guests on his show - especially where Hollywood heartbreakers and showbiz blow up sex dolls are concerned - it was extremely difficult to narrow it down to one clip. In the end I decided to go with somebody who is not on the blog very often : 34DD - 23 - 34 latin mega MILF Rosie Perez ( here MILF stands for Massita I would Like to F - word for the next three months ) whose titanic twin torpedoes almost popped out of her dress. Maybe it´s just me but her XXL breasts seem to get bigger and bigger each consecutive year.
But I´m not the only one who is fascinated by Rosie´s rapidly rising rotund rack as they were even immortalized in a song by Kanye West much to the chagrin of Rosie : " I'm a woman of a certain age, if you're gonna mention me in a song, have a little respect. He mentions my breasts. When you walk down the street and you have 15 - year - old boys ... they're like, ' Yo, Rosie, D's D's, Rosie Perez,' it's no good." I´m not sure what being a woman of a " certain age " has to do with it, because strangers singing about the size of your breasts would have you uncomfortable at any age.
I bet Rosie could still get the choreography for the 2 Live Crew´s Me So Horny down to pat. Makes one wonder if those yellow top get transparent when they get wet. Daiimn, Rosie would kill it with her huge 34DD melons.
I couldn´t find a video with Rosie Perez doing the splits but while looking for L. L. Cool J´s Doin It I came across this video with yoga instructor Adison Briana who spreads ´em better than Jennifer Lopez in Hustlers .
Boy, you know why YouTube suggested this video for me. As longtime readers know asian girls are my kryptonite so I am including the second part of the choreography of I´m N Luv Wit A Stripper because it has an asian sex goddess coming in at 1:27 minutes who was just born for that ( the best part with this blow up sex doll is at 2:30 minutes and if that doesn´t make you immediately cream your jeans I don´t know what will ).
As you might have noticed we are done with the celebrity birthdays but we will continue with the anniversary for April the 12th in our next post, which will be a BLACK AND WHITE entry for X - MEN MONTH. There are still a few categories I have to check for the bonus section and our next video is the always insightful Klugscheisserin ( Miss Smarty Pants is the worst translation ever ) who visits a comicbook store. This video is more for my german readers who still haven´t come across her YouTube channel yet.
With the corona lockdown we all spend more time watching movies so I want to pimp one of my personal favorites that is somewhat underrated.
As I promised here is another Wizardworld Virtual Experiences panel, this time about Arrow. Although a lot of the main cast members are missing.
Since this post is all about the untruth in advertising here is a video from the React Channel about 1o tricks advertisers use to make food look delicious. As a bonus those guys that are not interested in this kind of educational content can watch hasian blow up sex doll in training Jayka strut her stuff. Man, if the way this nymphomanic teenage sexmachine is stretching out her shirt is any indication she will dicktame all the boys.
Closing out things for Today we have an episode of He - Man And The Masters Of The Universe which practically was one long toy commercial.
New to the blog ? Everything you need to know about TALES FROM THE KRYPTONIAN : top ten posts / more posts of interest / best of the best
Tastes great, less filling.
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